According to the shortest "celebrity" ever to appear on The Surreal Life — quite a achievement considering Emmanuel Lewis starred in Season 1 — he was involved in a 4½-way at the Playboy mansion. Lest you think it was with a step-stool, a magazine, some Vaseline and a rag, Mini Me sets the record straight.

"I did three girls at the Playboy Mansion. There was another guy with me, but there was plenty of pussy to go around.

I know what women want, and it's me."

I've asked a lot of women what they wanted, but none ever replied "Mini Me." But I'm giving Troyer the benefit of the doubt here. If his story is true, then we know for sure that, for some women, size doesn't matter. Like not at all.

In case you're wondering what else Mini Me has been up to since achieving fame in the Austin Powers movies, here's a video of him naked and drunk, pissing in the corner of a room. (Play "Mini Me's Gotta Pee.") Thanks, Art and, coincidentally, Pee Wee, for the links.

Other News Links:

• Speaker Tells Students That Stripping Is a Career Choice — In his annual 55-minute presentation titled "The Secret of a Happy Life," William Fried told eighth-graders at that stripping could be a lucrative career moves for girls, offering as much as $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size. I'm a shocked as you are that kids of that age are getting such bad advice. You can earn so much more selling cocaine. (Thanks, John)

• Instant Detox: Kick Heroin in 24 Hours — Wired on a one-step program with no willpower, withdrawal, or preaching required. I tried this with Ashlee Simpson TV performances, and it works great.

• eBay Raises Seller Fees — And by a big margin, too. Total eBay fees based on insertion and final value will increase from anywhere between 33% and 80% come February. (See chart.)

• Court Won't Block KKK From Highway Cleanup — But who's gonna take out the white trash? (BTW, the stretch of the West Side Highway leading up to my apartment — and a bunch of new high-rises bearing the name of a certain apprentice-seeker — has been adopted by Donald J. Trump. I would rather have Kramer re-painting lines for bigger lanes.)

• Blacks, Whites Get Put Differences Aside, Work Together to Make Better Burger — Calling the afternoon crew at Louisville's Carver Street McDonald's "a beacon of hope," The Onion reminds us that "every now and again something comes along to remind us just how much can be achieved when we view our differences as assets rather than liabilities."

• Be a Markdown Millionaire — Motley Fool on which months are ripe for the bargain picking. Get ready for outerwear deals in February, one month before you'll pack 'em away for good.

• TIME Archive — My former employer finally made available every article since 1923, available free to magazine subscribers. This was in planning for so long that the idea of "First Mentions" — links to articles where TIME first made mention of the world's most-influential people, like Don Mattingly — was mine, and I left there almost a year ago. Of course, I kinda borrowed that idea from Google's 20-Year Usenet Timeline, which includes first mentions of everything from AIDS to The Simpsons to Britney Spears and Osama bin Laden. Anyway, I think the Archive came out awesome, including the kick-ass "Collections" like World War II and the Ask the Archivist blog.