Disclaimer: I'll be quick on this, as everyone and his brother is blogging about it. But for the four people who haven't heard...
Tuesday night O.J. Simpson attended the Orange Bowl to cheer on his beloved USC Trojans, and it turned out to be his best moment in more than a decade. Amazingly, he wasn't even the most-disliked Simpson in Pro Player Stadium.
That distinction goes to Ashlee Simpson, who was booed off the field after her halftime performance. (See video and listen for cries of "You suck!")
Do you understand the level of contempt a Simpson must reach to unseat the Juice in such a food chain? Can you comprehend the level of suckiness a Simpson must arrive at to be considered the less talented sister?
I am reminded of last year's "wardrobe malfunction," in which Janet Jackson dropped LaToya to third on the list of Weirdest Jacksons, something I wrote about in last week's ESPN.com Page 3 Year-in-Review.
Granted, the four most-famous Simpsons are not related — and one doesn't even actually exist — but how much would you pay to see the Simpsons and Jacksons square off on Family Feud? "A hundred people surveyed, top five answers on the board. Name something you bring with you to bed."
Anyway, here's how I rank the Simpson food chain, from most to least respected:
1. Homer: Drunk, clueless, irresponsible father. Still the king of this crew.
2. Jessica: Doesn't exactly rock a microphone. Or know how to spell one. (For the hell of it: some serious hi-res photos of Jessica Simpson)
3. O.J.: Searched for Nicole's killer at the Orange Bowl. Believe me, he was there.
4. Ashlee: Should be charged with murder of pop music.
More Funny/Interesting Multimedia Links:
• Mattingly's 1995 ALDS Home Run — "Oh, hang on to the roof." Also: Bob Sheppard introduces Mattingly before playoffs. Awesome stuff.
• Office Space: Samir Swearing — "Mother shitter ... son of an ... ass ... you. I just..."
• Lee Elia's Tirade on Cubs Fans — Jesus, where to begin with this all-time greatest sports audio clip? Play it loud. Play it proud. And don't forget to "rip those country cocksuckers like the fuckin' players."
• Allen Iverson on Practice — "I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we in here talkin' about practice. Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. We talkin' about practice. Not a game."
• Carl Lewis' National Anthem — I implore all you browsing from work to keep this on your office computer and play it every time you're having a bad day. "And the rocket's red glare ... uh-oh ... the bombs bursting in air." He'll make up for it now.
• Jim Mora: Playoffs? Are You Kidding Me? Playoffs? — Just in time for the start of the NFL postseason. Picks coming tomorrow. Also: Mora's "that sucked" rant.
• Sexual Chocolate: The Greatest Love of All — They play so fine. Don't you agree? Sexual Chocolate!
• Ralph Wiggum Soundboard — "Ms. Hoover, which one is oral?" "Out of your mouth, Ralph." (Link found on GorillaMask.net)
• Dan Back's Multimedia Archive — Classic sports-related clips, from audio of someone throwing a snowball at Phil Simms to video of the Jim Rome-Jim Everett confrontation.
It really was one of the worst displays of attempted singing ever. You could hear the backing track behind her brutal voice, and she wasn't even close. Couldn't keep up, was out of breath, was off-pitch, etc. What a no-talent assclown.
Posted by Cory at January 6, 2005 9:49 AM