News Links:

• Sherman Hemsley Films Hanging at Hedo — If you like your news a year old, you've come to the right place. One of my favorite actors ever was on location at Hedonism II in January 2004 to film Hanging at Hedo, which the article states "will be aired in North America cinemas by the summer of 2004." You know I would have all over that one. But there's not even a listing for it on IMDB.com. I bet Mr. Bentley fucked something up. Maybe he puked in the nude hot tub or something. (Previous PK.com post: Head to Head: George Jefferson vs. Phillip Drummond)

• 'Perving' Casino Cameras — Caesars Atlantic City Hotel Casino was fined $80,000 for using surveillance cameras to spy on female employees and customers sitting at casino tables or riding escalators. Hmmm, how long does it take an employee to think of doing that? Like four seconds? Frankly, I think the cameramen should be outed for their outrageous behavior and the tapes made public to show the world what kind of vermin they are.

• Judge Rescinds Anna Nicole's Inheritance — Well, at least they can never take away her memory of canoodling with a corpse.

• Passengers Stuck on Northwest Airlines Plane for 18 Hours — Being delayed in the terminal is bad enough, but stuck in a cramped seat like that? Aside from a Ben Affleck movie marathon, I can't think of a bigger hell on Earth. I would have gone all Richard Reid once those shitty little bottles of booze ran out.

• Ways to Fix Your Life: Quit Your Job — If you have the means, I highly recommend it. Then I recommend going on vacation with Sherman Hemsley (NOT through Northwest Airlines).

Web Finds:

• BeerPal.com Users Review Schlitz — Reviews range from "foul-smelling swill" to "not bad for the price," which is a little like saying Betty White is kinda hot for a Golden Girl.

• Top 10 Biggest Box-Office Failures — The Adventures of Pluto Nash cost between $90 million to $100 million and raked in as much as your typical Girls Gone Wild video, which costs about $250 in tequila shots. IMDB users rate it 3.9/10, still higher than any movies on IMDB.com's Worst 100 List, which includes such non-classics as Gigli, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Cop & 1/2 and two Jaws sequels.

• Men's Health Online Eye Chart — See the effects of glaucoma, cataracts, retinal detachment and, yes, beer, on the image of a female. (Thanks, Art)

• Warren Beatty's Girlfriends — This guy's been with everyone from Vivien Leigh (who died in 1967 at age 53) to Elle MacPherson, who was born 50 years after Leigh. Gotta love Justin Timberlake's entry on the same site. While the Executive Summary reads, "Pop star can't dance or sing," it also lists "Girlfriend: Britney Spears (actress, he took her virginity, broke up Mar-2002)." Gotta make you wonder, How many times in our lifetime will such an opportunity again come up? A super-hot, super-famous woman of age who's still a virgin? Can you imagine the competition for that gig? If there were a championship belt for such a thing, I don't think anyone could ever wrest it away from Justin.