Before the start of the NFL season, I placed a whole $10 at -145 on the Giants winning more than 6 games. For the math-challenged, that means all the Giants had to do was win 7 games, and I would have netted a cool $6.90 profit. No wonder Vegas hookers run from me like Ben Johnson with a needle in his ass.

Two months ago, when I cashed in on the Chargers winning more than 4½ games, I posted on the status of some paltry future bets, and had this to say about the Giants, who were then 5-2, on fire since an opening-week diaster at Philadelphia:

Giants win more than 6 games (-145): Done deal. Unless they go 1-8 to finish the season. In which case I'll kill myself and, therefore, won't really need the money.

I'm working on the will right now. Who wants my 14-year-old box of Wheaties commemorating Big Blue's Super Bowl XXV victory?

Folks, the Giants are 0-8 since I wrote that. 0-and-fucking-8! I needed an NFL team that had won five of its last six to win only two of its last nine, and it didn't happen. Wilt Chamberlain never got screwed like this.

I swear people should be paying me to bet on their favorite team's opponents in the playoffs. I'm that horrible. I think I'm gonna bet $10 right now on the second-place Red Sox repeating as World Series winners.

Sorry, Falcons fans, but I do have one futures bet still alive: Atlanta at 22-1 to win it all. No doubt that even if they get to Jacksonville, Michael Vick will pull a Eugene Robinson and get arrested for soliciting a prostitute (for $40!) the night before the Super Bowl. Actually, in that case, Vick would still start. Robinson did.

Other Sports Ruminations:

• I'm a disciple of the Madden video game cult, but what do you think of this? Maguire 2006! A Paul Maguire-influenced video game where all the coverboys are punters, the commentary is filled with I'm-a-tell-ya-whats and he comes up with things like what he said to Joe Theismann on Sunday: "When you start thinking, that's when you get in trouble."

• That Lakers-Heat game, all drama aside, was awesome. So was Packers-Vikings and Raiders-Chiefs. Guess who missed the end of all those games due to family commitments? The same webmaster who sat through The Producers dying to get out of the St. James Theater so he could get some circulation back in his legs after being crammed into a seat tighter than Marge Schott's wallet. I haven't been that uncomfortable since I had to explain to some huge dude in college why I was drinking beer straight out of his pitcher. (Reason: 'Cause it was there.)

• Sad to hear the news of Reggie White's death, but his defining moment, for me, was a 1998 speech to the Wisconsin State Assembly in which he made some questionable comments typical of the Bible-thumpers who scare the crap out of me. Highlight: "Now, I believe that one of the reasons that Jesus was accused of being a homosexual is because he spent time with homosexuals. I've often had people ask me, would you allow a homosexual to be your friend. Yes, I will. And the reason I will is because I know that person has problems, and if I can minister to those problems, I will."

And here I thought their only problem was being persecuted and, sometimes, physically harmed for doing things that don't interfere with anyone. A line from a Syracuse football forum: "Somewhere tonight an Asian man will shed a tear as he busily turns a watch into a television." Actually, White said that Asians can turn a television into a watch, whatever the hell that means.

White eloquently summed up the "gift" of the white man: "White people were blessed with the gift of structure and organization. You guys do a good job of building businesses and things of that nature and you know how to tap into money pretty much better than a lot of people do around the world."

Now all you people get out of my way while I tap into money!

• You thought Shaq's "greeting" with Kobe was chilly? Check out this game note from the New York Daily News: "Shaunie O'Neal sat with her husband's entourage, which included a man wearing a T-shirt with a picture of Bryant with his arm draped on O'Neal's shoulder. Not a big deal, except that Bryant's face was scratched out and replaced by a drawing of a rat head."

• With USC senior associate athletic director Daryl Gross being hired as Syracuse's new athletic director, there is talk of offensive coordinator Norm Chow coming with him to be head coach the football team. And to that I say, "Wow! Coach P, take a bow. We need Chow. Now."

• What in god's name were the Dolphins doing playing Hot Potato with an interception return early in the third quarter of Sunday night's game? That was the dumbest thing I've seen in pro sports since Manny Ramirez cut off a Johnny Damon throw on what turned out to be an inside-the-park home run.

• At least the Giants pulling a Washington Generals for the second straight year means they'll get an awesome first-round draft pick. Oh wait, we don't have one.