Like a true masochist, I shopped in the Times Square Toys R Us on Wednesday, barely surviving a crush of bumbling kids, stumbling parents and fumbling workers. I must admit, it was pretty funny when they'd demo some of the flying toys that would come crashing down on someone's head. Still I thought, "There has to be a another way."
And so did Frank Costanza, who, in "The Strike" (full script), revealed to Seinfeld viewers that the only winter holiday he celebrates is Festivus, observed every December 23. That's today, folks.
Costanza explains the origin: "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."
So get out your aluminum pole ("very high strength-to-weight ratio"), gather your family to tell them all the ways they've disappointed you over the year, and engage in feats of strength.
And if you have to go on strike from your job at H&H bagels because someone is infringing on your right to celebrate new holidays, then I have just one thing to say: "Protect Festivus! Hey, no bagels, no bagels, no bagels!"
If all this makes sense to you, congratulations. You've found the right blog.
(Thanks, Art, for the heads-up.)
Festivus Links:
• Sounds From Festivus Episode
• Wikipedia's Festivus Entry
• Seinfeld Phrases: Did you know Seattle is "the pesto of cities?"
• Festivus Episode Screenshots
• N.Y. Times: Fooey to the World: Festivus Is Come
• Festivus E-Cards
• Festivus Shares Space With Fla. Nativity
Other Web Finds:
• 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles — I don't know why Amateurs Only #129 — I'm a Brown Shit-Holed Whore is on the list. The first 128 were pretty good to me.
• Bill O'Reilly Punk'd By 'Jack Mehoffer' — Fair and balanced idiocy, as O'Reilly responds to a complaint from a viewer clearly related to Sofonda Cox, Harry Ballsonya and Dick Fitswell. Remember when the New York Post quoted a guy named Heywoode Jablome? (Link found on GorillaMask.net)
• Yahoo!'s Video Search — A pretty cool feature with this is that it seems to automatically grab the first screen and include it as a thumbnail in the results. So if you're one of six people who have not yet seen Paris Hilton on her back in NightVision — perhaps you're one of the few living humans who hasn't actually had sex with her — now's your chance.
• SneakyCheap — A guide to all the crafty things people do to save money. Sneaking into a high school for the cafeteria? That's pretty funny. The 15-year-olds will think you're a big spender for doubling up on the $1-a-slice pizza.
• Boogerman: Cast of Characters — For the two of you who don't find me immature, I present the Bouncing Booger, Frrt Ghost, Abdominable Sewer Man and more characters from a Sega Genesis game I used to play after I earned a college degree. Actually, earned might be a stretch, but I got one.
• Playboy's "Girls of McDonald's" Photos — Ryan Perry dubs them the McSluts, but I like to refer to these three attractive white chicks as Women Who Have Absolutely No Resemblance to Anyone I've Ever Encountered Behind the Counter at McDonald's. Can you imagine some of the entries that must've come in to Hef? (If I have to even tell you these aren't safe for work, you don't deserve a job.)
• Up for Poker — A poker-themed (duh) group blog, for which CJ of Up for Anything, a fellow alum of Syracuse University (the Harvard of Onondaga County), is a writer.
• Soldier Documents WWE's Visit in Iraq — Homeland asskickers make a visit to those doing the same abroad. Some good pics and quite a touching intro: "Today was a good day. For the first time in a long time I woke up with a smile on my face. You see folks, the WWE was coming to town today. Normally nobody ever comes up to Kirkuk, for some reason everyone goes right to Baghdad. Ted Nugent, Henry Rollins, all of the big name USO shows go there. While we are subject to seeing all of the Army related bands and such. Needless to say it is terribly boring living up here."
I'm converted to Festivus now, since any holiday which includes wrestling must be the real deal. But I think I'll skip the pole thing. It reminds me of -- you know, a place you don't take the whole family.
BTW, anyone know when FOX will be showing the Festivus episode of Seinfeld? I couldn't find it in the next day or so. I must admit that I never was a fan of that show, but I do want to see that one.
Posted by Eddie at December 23, 2004 6:05 AM