Nope, it's not Anna Benson, dressed in garters and hose. (Though that would make for a great stocking stuffer. Get it?)

It's Pedro Martinez on the mound at Yankee Stadium in a Mets uniform. And we've got a 3/5 chance of it happening, as the Mets take their annual bus trip from the Purple Dump June 24-26, 2005, to the most-storied ballpark in all of baseball, home to 26 world-championship teams, including six under the reins of future Baseball Hall of Famer Lord General Chancellor George M. Steinbrenner III.

Needless to say I won't be helping Pedro find a no-fee apartment, but I'm stoked he's a member of the Mets.

First, it weakens, for the time being, the starting staff of the Yankees' biggest threat to their eighth straight division title. Nothing like beginning the season with David Wells — a guy who once said he wanted to push the button when they detonate Fenway Park — as a No. 1 starter, what with Curt "Ketchup Sock" Schilling out till May.

Second, it adds a little spice to New York baseball, and I'm strangely attracted to the thought of the Mets being a decent threat to win the NL East, with a starting staff of Martinez, Tom Glavine, Kris Benson and whichever two hot dog vendors perform best on the Juggs gun (no doubt named after Anna Benson herself). Mets fans, at least, know their role. Second bananas, but not sour grapes.

Third, it means the Sox will celebrate their championship season without Nomar Garciaparra (obviously) and Pedro, the two players most beloved by the 20-something set of Boston's fans that have been most annoying over the past few years, whining and fooling the public into thinking they're any more tortured than Jets and Knicks fans of the same age in New York.

Fourth, it means Pedro might get to bat against the Yankees at Shea Stadium, and, if I were him, I'd be looking for an inside fastball, like three feet inside. Hopefully the result will be different than when Shawn Estes missed Roger Clemens. The umps weren't even going to throw him out. He had a free shot to take Clemens' ass out, and he missed. One of the most embarrassing moments in Mets history. And, believe me, there are enough of those fill a three-DVD set, with a 120-minute bonus section titled "The Art Howe Era."

Fifth, it means Pedro might actually return to Yankee Stadium, where he has always been a guy we loved to hate. More recently, he's been a guy we love to knock around. What a carnival atmosphere that would be.

Other Sports Ruminations:

• Did you see Todd Pinkston bail out on that deep pass over the middle on Sunday night? "Alligator arms" does not do it justice. I half expected Steve Irwin to come out and shake his baby in front of him. Pinkston says he lost the ball in the lights, and I have to believe him, if only because he totally gave up on the play; didn't even come close to touching the ball. Even the most cautious of receivers get a hand on it while protecting their ribs. Then again, he didn't do the universal sign for "lost it in the lights," which is, of course to point at the lights, so everyone knows you're not a pussy.

• Dave Wannstedt had his best player quit on him, saw his entire Miami Dolphins team shit the bed, and got canned mid-season. So he signs with FOX as a color analyst and what do they give him? Cardinals-49ers last Sunday. Has this man been through hell or what? (Thankfully, though, those Wannstedt bobble head dolls are still available for Christmas as the low, low price of $20. Strangely, the mustache seems to be even.)

• The steroids shit. Goes like this, peeps: People will always take risks when there is a reward. And $10 million a year is some reward. Today we call 'em steroids, tomorrow we'll call them something else. But there will always, always, always be cheaters when that kind of dough is up grabs.

• Congratulations to Drew Bennett, who busted my claim on Nov. 25 that Brandon Stokley's three-TD Thanksgiving game was a mark no white receiver would challenge anytime soon. Bennett punked his candy ass Monday night with 12 catches for 233 yards and his own trio of TDs, his second straight week with three TD catches. White power! What a shame to lose the game like that. Reminds me of when I hit two three-run homers for TIME magazine's softball team and we still lost, or that time, many years ago, when I made a back-to-the-plate, diving catch to preserve a one-run lead in the bottom of the sixth inning of a deciding playoff game — one that a friend's father said was "the most clutch catch he'd ever seen" — and we blew it an inning later. Argh.

• Remember my horrid fantasy football team that I said would suck in 2004? Well, I finished tied for first in my division, playoff bound for like the ninth time in 10 years. Thanks To Tiki Barber, Jerome Bettis, Bennett and, yes, even Terrell Owens for overachieving. By the way, is there any fantasy team in the world that finished in first place without Peyton Manning.

• Rick Majerus to USC. A straight-talkin' fat guy from Utah in L.A. Yeah, that might work.

• Ever seen an athlete lose as many fans in a span of one year (without killing Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman) as Kobe Bryant has? I gotta imagine you can stop manufacturing kid-sized No. 8 Lakers jerseys.

Today's Sports Links:

• Video: McGrady Scores 13 Points in 35 Seconds — Amazing highlight reel from NBA.com of Tracy McGrady nailing four three-pointers (including one in which he fouled) in a dramatic comeback win over the Spurs. Announcers Marv Albert and Doug Collins, who have seen everything in the NBA, go nuts.

• EA Sports Signs Exclusive Deal With NFL — Madden 2006 will be the only team to feature real-life NFL players next year, so if you just have to play with Craig Kentzel...

• The Final Punchado — Bill Simmons on the loss of Pedro Martinez. He holds no ill will, but manages to wedge in his 400th Rocky-Drago reference. Congratulations on the milestone!

• Things Get Ugly on the Internet — Poker player Jay Lovinger writes about some of the tricks human players pull to screw each other online, as well as some suspicious behavior from the "fair" deals themselves. Very interesting stuff.

• I Hate T.O T-Shirts — Now this I might grab.