And we're not talking Broadway anyway. We're talking Off Broadway. Off, off, off, waaaaay off Broadway.

But It's Karate, Kid! The Musical, which is playing from Dec. 2-18 in New York, looks like a riot. The official website describes the project as such:

It's Karate, Kid! The Musical is an outrageous riff on the beloved '80s film. Under the manicured, guiding hand of a mystical maintenance man, our hero wages war against pill-popping, white trash deviants; well-styled, bloodthirsty karate students; rampaging hormones; and many more "unsavory things."

Featuring 19 ferocious new songs, including Wax On! Wax Off!, My Name is Ali, and We are the Bitchkicks, this Kid trolls the depths of bad taste and strikes musical gold!

Unsavory things, Bitchkicks, bad taste and musical gold? Where do I sign up?

Take a listen to some music from the show, including The Way of the Fisting, sung by Evil Sensei. And check out these lyrics I pulled from a My Name is Ali:

When you touch my boobio,
Make a hot bitch feel sussudio,
I'm eager, moist and also freshly douched,
I know you want me 'cause I picked up on the clues

They ain't lyin', man. That shit is gold.

Buy your tickets for the show, which is at:
Teatro La Tea
Clemente Soto Velez Cultural Center
107 Suffolk Street, 2nd Floor
New York, NY 10002

And let's not forget about the time I saw an autographed pictured of original Karate Kid sensei Marty Kove in an Upper West Side deli.

Other New York Links:

• Gotham Girls Roller Derby — Real roller derby, held in the South Bronx. No lie, you can even view the photos. From the site: Every Gotham Girl is an amalgam of athlete, pin-up girl, rocker and brute rolled into one badass derby girl. Pretty? Hell, yeah! Tough? Of course! Badass? Always! No word yet on when the next event will be held but, of course, I'm on the mailing list.

• Jell-O Wrestling on the Lower East Side — Too early to tell where I'll be on Dec. 12, maybe at some lewd karate musical, but another good option might be 169 Bar (169 East Broadway) for some lewd amateur female Jell-O wrestling. And I didn't even know they had pro female Jell-O wrestlers.

• YourNY.com — A free local classifieds site that very intuitive. Let's hope it doesn't get overrun with spammers.

• How's the Peeping, Tommy? — A blog post that begins, "Perhaps the most underrated aspect of living in New York is getting to see your neighbors naked on a regular basis." Not my neighbors, man. They're old and boring. Ya know, from what I hear. (Found on Curbed.)

• How to Get TV Show Tickets in NYC — Manhattan User's Guide with info on how to catch tapings of The David Letterman Show, Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show and more.

• Cheryl Shops — Let's let the woman speak for herself: "A blog covering fashion and, most importantly, shopping in New York City and elsewhere." Some really valuable info and links in there, espccially during the holiday season. Of course, being the cheap bastard I am, I'm greatly anticipating the after-holiday shopping season.

• Jennifer Barretta in FHM — An interview and photoshoot with a professional pool player who practices at my local club on the Upper West Side. She's really good, and really hot.