The AP reported: "Minutes after hitting into the water to blow a chance at winning the Skins Game, Tiger Woods smiled and jokingly walked arm-in-arm down the fairway with Fred Couples."

And that's the problem. Four rich golfers battling for tons of money they don't need. And it's sponsored by Merrill Lynch. Nobody involved in this thing even gives a shit about $340,000! "Stay tuned to CBS Sports to see how much your life sucks!"

I have some advice for CBS. If you want me to watch a foursome duke it out for $1 million, don't give me people whose nerves are going to be unaffected by the purse. Give me an MTV intern, a DMV clerk, a barback, an elevator operator, the guy who collects carts at Wal-Mart, Cecil Fielder, a hotel maid, a porn theater mop boy, Ron Artest or anyone from The Surreal Life. And most of all, give me people who suck at golf!

I don't need to watch Bill Gates and the Sultan of Brunei play poker for $1 million pots, and I don't need to watch Tiger and Fred battle for new furniture for their private jets.

Other Sports Ruminations:

• During a Giants commercial break, I flipped to ESPN and watched a PBA skills challenge. They were playing a game of H-O-R-S-E, but with bowling balls. Some dude converted a split by throwing two balls from one hand, and his challenger matched it. Can't say I wasn't impressed. I can say I saw about 50 guys with porn 'staches in the crowd. And maybe a few gals with 'em, too.

• True bowling story: In my teens I entered a junior tournament and threw a pretty good game, something in the 180s or 190s. But I lost to a chick who broke 200, and I don't just mean her weight. Anyway, her family was there and they were cheering her on, which is fine. But they also cheered when I missed a spare or something. Jeez, ya think adults could at least control their excitement when a 15-year-old fails at something. Of course, I was the ever the fountain of class, offering congratulations after the match, though in my head I was thinking, "Nice game, slut."

• The Bengals won a shootout with the Browns on Sunday in part because of two touchdown receptions from T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Try saying that three times. Shit, try saying it once.

• If Jeremy Shockey has been reduced to "doing the T.O." on first-down catches, even he's come to the realization that our season is finished.

• I hope everyone enjoyed my Top 10 Seinfeld Sports Moments piece. It was on top of ESPN.com's most-sent stories index from Wednesday through Sunday.

• I swear Paul Maguire has a foot fetish. He's always telling me to watch people's feet. Sometimes four times on one replay.

• Jeff George is back in the NFL, and it brings back memories to year-after-year of fantasy football magazines predicting his upcoming seasons in the same way: "George has a strong arm, but has never been very consistent. He could shine with his new team but, frankly, we have no clue what you'll get out of him. Do not draft him unless you have to."

• I'm so pumped for my No. 4-ranked Syracuse basketball team that I think I'll drop $20 on ESPN College Hoops 2K5. The video game features a recruiting process, by which you can scout games, visit a recruit at home, etc. Unfortunately, you cannot buy him a hooker, get him drunk with current teammates, hand him an envelope of cash, assure him that his grades will be taken care of or do any of the things that really convince a guy to play for your honored institution of higher learning.

• I don't know why people fume so much over the BCS. You're not getting a playoff. Fans want it, but fans don't make the decisions. All the BCS does, and does well, is prevent the Nos. 1 and 2 teams from not being able to meet for a championship due to old-time conference links to certain bowls (Pac-10 and Big Ten to the Rose, Big Eight/XII to the Orange, SEC to the Sugar). It was never meant to solve the issue of subjective ranking or the possibility of there being more than two deserving teams of a national title shot. Simple as that. Get over it.

• I'm going to my first Army-Navy game in Philly next week. As a military outsider I don't think I'll get too much into it, but we'll see. Pics from the game surely to come, though.

Today's Sports Links:

• Flag Football Hall of Fame — I know there wasn't a dry eye in the house back in 1979 when Wilson Sporting Goods was inducted. Just as good, the national flag football ejected players list.

• The Iced Foot Effect — Science News examines whether time outs called to ice an NFL kicker have any effect on the outcome. And ya know what? It works. Not as good as farting when your buddy lines up for one in Madden 2005, but it works. (Found on Sports By Brooks)

• WWE RAW Opener Pokes Fun at Desperate Housewives Skit — An article and a link at the bottom to view the clip. Funny stuff from Vince McMahon, who takes shots at the NFL and NBA, saying the WWE cannot lower itself to their level of indecency and ugliness. Ha.

• Forum: Favorite Bill Walton Quotes — A full 11 pages of user reactions to Big Red's commentary. The best I found was Walton on Larry Johnson in 1999: "What a pathetic play from a pathetic human being."

• The South Rises With The Tide — George Will on some fans' obsession with Alabama football, including the couple who went to a game instead of their daughter's wedding. Not exactly Father of the Year material there. (Thanks, Art)

• Anna Benson in FHM — A photoshoot of and interview with MLB's most famous wife. This chick is an open book. She tells of having sex at Three Rivers Stadium and PNC Park, fooling around on the highway, being attracted to Jeff Weaver, shoving suppositories up Kris Benson's ass and getting hammered all the time.