1. Metallica, Metallica — "This is the record I lost my hearing to."

2. The Otto-Man Empire, Satan's Henchmen — "This is the album I recorded in my garage, back when I had a garage."

3. Poison, Look What the Cat Dragged In — "This band played at my wedding. I never paid them."

4. Blue Oyster Cult, Don't Fear the Reaper — "I dare you to find a better cowbell-based album."

1. Metallica, Metallica — "Did I say this one already? I forget, I'm so wasted."

6. Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin IV — "If you have to ask why, you must die."

7. Spinal Tap, Smell the Glove — "I feel like I was their bass player in another life."

8. Frank Sinatra, Songs for Swingin' Lovers! — "I don't really like it, but it's great to hide my stash in."

9. The Simpsons, The Simpsons Sing the Blues — "Everyone should go out and buy this album again."

10. Ted Nugent, Motor City Madness — "The music sucks, but anyone who kills an elk with an arrow is okay in my book."

11. Ramones, Road to Ruin — "For when I'm feeling thoughtful."

12. Ssgt. Barry Sadler, Ballads of the Green Berets — "My dad killed himself to this."

Hilarious stuff. Once the statute of limitations has passed (say a few weeks), I'll rip off this idea and provide my own list.

Today's Web Finds:

• Recap of Shaune Bagwell's Appearance on Howard Stern's Radio/TV Show — I missed the original E! airing, so if anyone knows when it repeats, let me know.

• OverweightDate.com — Twice as good as Match.com, because you get twice the date. No, seriously, a guy sent me a nice e-mail asking if I'd plug this niche dating site, so I'll be a gentleman and not make a joke about what plus-sized people must put down when they answer survey questions like, "Three Things I Can't Live Without."

• Meet Virtual Bartender Tammy Plante — Fleshbot uncovers the gal behind the Virtual Bartender craze. Now go tell her to kiss a girl. Trust me.

• Obnoxious E-Cards — Did your neighbor's annoying dog finally kick it? Send him a card that reads: "Your beloved pet is now in a better place ... if you consider a dumpster behind the vet's office a better place." (Thanks, Matt)

• Crazy Kent — Some nut travels the country to be pictured in a trash can. Like Oscar the Grouch with HTML skills. Here he is in New York City.

• Google Help: Cheat Sheet — Did you know you can limit searches to only those listings added in x number of months? Or that you can find all definitions of any word from around the Web? Google is also a great calculator, map-locator and a database of about 12 billion pages of porn. (Found on Book of Joe)

• Video: Girl's Skirt Torn Off by Taxi Door — So orchestrated it's ridiculous, but she does a decent job of acting panicked.

• Contest: World's Most Amazing College Story — Win $1,000 for sharing some crazy tale from your college days. You might even want to be truthful. CollegeStories.com already has a wealth of write-ups sorted by topic, ranking and school, including my alma mater, Syracuse University.

• Office Space Script — "Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to!! I have people skills!! I am good at dealing with people!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!!!!!!!"

• Circuits Girls' Most Recent Bikini Contest — A new gallery from my friends at 95South.com. Once again, I'd like to give Hurricane Charley a big "fuck you" for canceling my Bahamas trip to party with 95South and the Circuit Girls.

• More Celebrity Impersonators — I always get a kick out of lookalikes, especially ones who look impersonate Babe Ruth, Howard Stern and, ah yes, Britney Spears.