I know what you're thinking: Oregon isn't exactly the hot-bed of comedy, unless you count the Blazers' rap sheet. Headliners there probably list cutting up their fifth-grade class on their resumé, but Piper has left people rolling in the aisles for decades.

As ring-master of Piper's Pit, he once railed Jimmy Snuka about his native Fiji, before cracking him in the head with a coconut with such force that not only did the coconut explode into a million pieces, but Snuka brought down the $15 cardboard set. Piper then presented him with a banana, which he smashed into his face. Good times, man. (Video linked from this page.)

On another occasion, he rewarded the late Frankie Williams, an all-time jobber, with some TV time, exploring the mind of a hard-working wrestler not quite up to snuff with the Big John Studds and Rocky Johnsons. He then explored how much pain Williams could endure by kicking the living shit out of him, commanding him to "Shine my boots! Shine 'em up, boy!" He ended the segment with one of wresting's most famous quotes: "Just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions."

At Wrestlemania V, Piper didn't take kindly to Morton Downey Jr.'s violation of his no-smoking policy, so Piper ordered him to zip it by unleashing a fire extinguisher all over him. An all-time Wrestlemania celebrity cameo moment, right up there with the times Pete Rose was tombstoned by Kane.

This man knows how to make people laugh, and if he ever makes it one of the many fine comedy clubs in New York City, including Dangerfield's (of course I've been there a few times), I'll be the first in line.

Random Note: Patrons who talk during comedy shows? Easily one of my top-10 pet peeves. Drives me absolutely crazy. Not to mention the clowns who think they're part of the act and keep yelling shit out. Can't they just drop a card on each table reminding of comedy-club etiquette? Why leave it up to idiots to figure it out for themselves?

Other Roddy Piper Links:

• Roddy Piper's Greatest Hits
• Photos of Piper, and Others, Before They Were Stars

Today's News Links:

• Hostettler Mounting Campaign to Change the Name of Interstate 69 — Dude, I'll take it. You can run it from the bar down the street to my apartment. And, yeah, I kinda think the use of the word "Mounting" in the headline was intentional. (Thanks, Larry)

• David Lee Roth Learning to Become Paramedic in NYC — And when he gets his license, I will never again leave the house. Roth says that he's been on 200 individual rides and "not once has anyone recognized me." Don't worry, man, when the fifth season of The Surreal Life airs, we'll recognize ya. (Speaking of, the fourth season is now being taped.)

• E-Mail Seymore Butts to Get Into Porn — He's looking for a few hard men, reads this news item. In case you missed the audition — and I gotta imagine it's quite an interview process — you can e-mail Mr. Butts at aprstorm@aol.com (Thanks, Art)

• Sorry, but I'm Not Buying It — A column on ESPN.com, which, like ABC, is Disney-owned, reads that the network should have never apologized for the Monday Night Football opener that some people complained about, because, quite simply, ABC wasn't really sorry. And they shouldn't have been.

• Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Back Up on eBay — What's news to me is not that some crazy item on eBay attracted so much attention, but that how people leverage the attention to put "grilled cheese" in their own eBay listings that have nothing to do with the news item. Check this eBay search for "grilled cheese" now to see what I'm talking about. Selling a pair of socks? Get more eyeballs by using a subject line such as "Brown Socks (With Holes) - No Grilled Cheese."

• Naked Man Jumps into Bronx Zoo Reptile Pit — The story begins, "An apparently emotionally disturbed man stripped naked and jumped into an exhibit with two young caimans at the Bronx Zoo..." Yeah, apparently. Kinda like the way Hugh Hefner apparently is not a virgin.

• Don't Write Martha, Just Buy! — The New York POST's Richard Johnson, a man whose first and last names mean "dick," reports that fans who write to Martha Stewart in prison are being told, by form-letter, that they can show support for inmate #55170-054 at the Federal Prison Camp in Alderson, W.Va., by buying her products.

• Transcript: P. Diddy With Chris Matthews — Earlier I wrote about how P. Puffy Diddy Combs was nonsensical in an interview on election night with Chris Matthews. Do a simple find for "Combs" in the transcript to see his Q&A. Included is his response to whether it was surprising to him that young people were split 50-50 on whether to go to war in Iraq. He said, "No. I mean, I think that a lot of young people are dealing with issues right here at home, real-life issues." Say what?