The object is to take control of C.J. Johnson, a black male who returns to his gang-banging roots in San Andreas (modeled after Los Angeles), to avenge the murder of his "moms." With the help of spray paint, fellow "niggas," semi-automatic weapons, low-riding cars, gang-colored clothing, crack-smoking friends, fried chicken and just about every other stereotype you can imagine, you complete missions to get through about one-eighth of the 272-page strategy guide.

Where have you gone, Super Mario?

In essence, the game is GTA: Vice City on steroids. More cars to jack, more street-walkers to shoot and loot, more attributes to build along the way (street cred, muscle, driving and shooting skills). And I got through only about 75% of Vice City, even though it claimed about a month of my life, so forget about me finishing San Andreas.

If you can get past the uneasy feeling of committing a crime that warrants a death penalty in real life about every two minutes, San Andreas pays off big-time in every way a video game can. It's engaging, entertaining, addictive, open-ended and, best of all, you get to aim a silencer till a hooker walks into range, where you can blow her head off and rob her of her blood-soaked "paper."

In Five Words or Less: $49.95 x 15 Million = $750 Million

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Links:

• MetaCritic.com San Andreas Reviews — Its metascore of 96 ranks as one of the best I've seen for any video game, movie or album on this site of aggregate reviews.

• San Andreas Cheat Codes — I use 'em and I'm not afraid to admit it. Sorry, just don't feel like dying five times every mission and driving around forever just to buy one revolver. Gimme the whole arsenal, man.

• San Andreas Walkthroughs — Serve as free strategy guides if you don't have one. I can't imagine getting through a quarter of this game without some advice.

• San Andreas Message Boards — Another place to find some advice. Again, when in doubt, shoot the hooker in the head. Also a fun thing to do: Kill like 100 people, then use the cheat code to get the fuzz off your ass. Then kill 100 more. Repeat as necessary to get your mind off the upcoming Knicks season.

• The Sounds of San Andreas — Get this: On Nov. 23, they're releasing an 8-CD box set of the music included with the game.

• Read Hundreds of User Reviews on Amazon.com — The public has spoken, and they love it. Some of them have even graduated high school.

• Wikipedia's San Andreas — Not only more detail on the game than I know right now, it's more than I'll ever know till the next GTA comes out in 2005.

• If You Play San Andreas, You'll Be a Black Male. Does it Matter? — The Chicago Tribune's Eric Gwinn calls the black leading man "progress — with an asterisk." Yeah, no shit.