And that brings us to Mr. Paul Goudy, a 25-year-old Pennsylvania man who will forever be "Googled" by prospective girlfriends and found to have been sentenced to 23 months probation for snatching a man's toupee.

His act of vicious humiliation stemmed from a bar bet with the equally humanitarian Matthew Flinchbaugh, who is 26 years old, still obviously not old enough to drink, and really cheap. He's yet to pay off more than $25 from the $100 bet, which Goudy "won," despite having to pay a $500 fine, plus an extra $475 for the damaged hairpiece.

Other than that, the stunt really worked out for them.

Save it for the movies, clowns. If you can't be funny without humiliating someone else in public, then you've got problems. (See Jimmy Kimmel's cousin Sal.)

No word on how much will ride on their next bet, presumably something involving kicking people on crutches.

Other News Links:

• The Stepford Kids — Business Week reviews a book on the commercialized child and the new consumer culture. Did I ever mention once or a thousand times how I'm so glad I'm not yet a parent? (Yeah, yeah, as far as I know.)

• This Time Bill O'Reilly Got it Right — Frank Rich writes in The New York Times that the FOX News personality is correct in chastising CNN for allowing two of its staffers, Paul Begala and James Carville, for assuming campaign positions for John Kerry. He adds what we all know: "The Bush campaign doesn't have to enlist Fox hosts for its staff since they're willing to whore for it without even being asked."

• Man Presumed Dead Calls Daughter at Wake — A badly mutilated body involved in a train accident was misidentified by his sister. I wonder what kind of return you can get on a little-used headstone.

• Students Punished for Dorm Stripper Pole — I think it's a disgrace ... that these women were dancing fully-clothed. And in the most-shocking development, it was reported that, "The party ended shortly after the beer ran out." Hmm. Never been to one of those parties!

• Guy Who Complained About Bush Poster Being Torn at Kerry Rally Has Done it Before — "Serial Republican victim complains for the THIRD straight presidential election of being assaulted and has his family assist."

• Which Brokerage Is Best? — Motely Fool gathers user reviews on online brokerages.

• Falling Bodies, a 9/11 Image Etched in Pain — The most horrifying and unforgettable of the day's images seem to be the least-spoken about.

• Are Poker 'Bots' Raking Online Pots? — MSNBC examines whether those human players at online poker tables really aren't human at all.

• 'Beat Me Once a Week' Says Iranian Woman — Tired of beaten every day by her husband, a woman seeks a little time to heal. And, yep, here it comes. She should marry the Mets. They don't beat anybody.