Diner tabs that don't get paid. "Offices" that reek of urine ... and worse. Ralph Friggin' Malph. And, best of all, the toughest 5-7, 130-pound (soaking wet) bad-ass to every crash a bike.

Yep, Happy Days is returning to TV with a reunion show celebrating the 30th anniversary of the show's debut.

No word yet on the show's plot, but I have a few suggestions:

Karate Chop With Your Pork Chop: Arnold addresses Ralph's complaint about being served a tough piece of meat — really not a surprise considering it's been in the fridge for 30 years — by calling on his assistant chef, none other than Daniel LaRussa, a friend he met in the San Fernando Valley in 1984.

Playmates Love Chachi: Charles Arcola returns to Milwaukee and finds that the chicks aren't nearly as hot as the bevy of celebrity broads he bedded in L.A. He makes one call to Hef and gets every Playmate from 1985-89 to show up at Arnold's for milkshakes and threesomes. Potsie loses his virginity at age 48.

Who Shot T.M.? Despite a restraining order attained by the show's producers, Ted McGinley shows up at Arnold's. Someone turns out the lights and says, "I don't think so, Love Boat photo boy. You ruined this show once already." McGinley is shot in the head four times. Police investigate the case for two hours, then hang out with Chachi some more.

MrsC.com: When Howard's hardware store goes under, despite George W. Bush's tax credits that have ignited the nation's economy to untold prosperity, Marion sets up a webcam in her bedroom to rake in $19.95/month. AOL, it's so easy to use ... for porn.

Whatever they come up with, I'm sure it'll be just as good as these.

(Thanks to Art for the link.)

From the PK.com Archive:

• Head 2 Head: All-Time TV Diner — It's Mel Sharples' grease-pit vs. Arnold's Jefferson High hang-out. This is like Frazier-Ali of the salmonella world.

• Head 2 Head: Zuko vs. Fonzie — Who's was cooler, the greaser-pansy in Grease or the greaser-pansy in Happy Days? Let your voice be heard!

• Full Disclosure: JumpTheShark.com — My interview with Jon Hein, who invented the Jump the Shark phenomenon, inspired by Fonzie's infamous stunt that doomed the show forever. (That and Ted McGinley, Patron Saint of Jump the Shark.)

Other News Links:

• Kerry Drops Ball With Packers Fans — It's not Lambert Field, dumb-ass! Of course, it's not his first sports slip-up. Listen to him refer to Red Sox superstar "Manny Ortez."

• Rush Limbaugh Dating CNN's Daryn Kagan — I hope he was getting it good in the sack when Donovan McNabb threw those four TDs last Sunday. That was a pill-popping performance, for sure.

• Smoking and Drinking Are Bad for Semen — Hey, ya wanna spent $15,000/year on cigarettes and booze or on a kid's private-school education? That's what I thought. Drink up.

• Man Injured in Gun Safety Demonstration — Oddly, the guy's name is not Homer, and it did not occur in Springfield.

• Johnny Ramone of 'The Ramones' Dies at 55 — Only one member survives from one of the most influential punk bands ever.

• Forty-Two Teens Caught Drinking at Teacher's Home — The female teacher says she and her husband were asleep upstairs and did not know what was going on. Neither did the female student found unconscious on the side of a road.