There are so many things I want to do when I grow up.
Break Tanyon Sturtze's right arm, so that he never pitches again.
Break Bret Prinz' right arm, so that he never pitches again.
Challenge Takeru Kobayashi in a White Castle-eating contest and take his ass out.
But those things will have to wait. Accoring to JobPredictor.com, I'm destined to be a porn star. Not just actor, mind you. Star. (Find your ideal job now by entering your name and clicking a button.)
This is interesting, as a former boss once told me he envisioned us one day partying poolside at a mansion built with money I made from a porn empire.
Once is a hint. Twice is a sign. I'm gonna have to give this adult industry some serious thought.
From the PK.com Archive: Would You Do Porn for $15 Million a Year?
Other Web Finds:
• Nine Innings From Ground Zero — HBO's special on the 2001 World Series and its connection to New York less than two months after 9/11 debuts Tuesday at 10 p.m. Baseball was just a game, and it was never so understood as it was then. But damn we needed that game in the fall of 2001.
• Frank King (a.k.a. John Edwards) — A lookalike who has some sample jokes and a pretty funny Real video of his work impersonating the vice presidential candidate. I hope I'm wrong, but I think he'd better get all the work he can out of this gig before election day. After that, it's probably lunch with the Lloyd Bentsen lookalikes.
• Photos: Hot Body Contest at the Clevelander Hotel — I was at one of these at the Clevelander in November 2001 and, let me tell you, it wasn't this good. Then again, South Beach was d-e-a-d in November 2001. Cowards. The Clevelander also hosts some of its own hot body contest photos.
• New Pics of New Mom Heidi Klum — New mom? What, I'm a dad already?
• Sony's Official Kriss Kross Website — Remember these cross-dressing little rappers? They ain't dead yet, though their tour page is conspicuously empty. And here I thought they had MSG sold out for the next week.
• Video: College Kids Light Chick's Ass on Fire — Documentation of the severely stupid.
• The Paris Hilton Collection, Exclusively at Amazon.com — Yeah, you're definitely on your way to being a serious jewelry designer by debuting your collection on what used to be a big-ass bookstore.
• Saddam Does Outkast's Hey Ya! — Special guest appearanes from Osasma and a cow. (And, no, they don't have sex ... yet.)
• "Walken Is Watching" Bathroom Sign — Just what you wanna look at when the turtle's peeking its head out. And don't miss the Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Do the "Astaire" or take your chances with someone trying to come into your stall!
Full Name= Suicide bomber. Nice.
I want a job like yours.
Posted by Cass at September 14, 2004 12:22 AM