We've all done it. Except me.
We've all — except me — been guilty of stuffing up the toilet.
The sheer horror that comes over your face when you see the water rise. The sweat that pours down your neck when you notice that there's no plunger around. The want to jump out the window, especially if you're not in your own home.
(These are things I have heard. I have never actually done this.)
But nobody ever had to hire a lawyer over it. Until now.
Jesse Huffman, a 19-year-old college student from Montana, has been charged with criminal mischief after a Montana border agent accused him of intentionally clogging a toilet.
The highlight of the story — besides the fact that it must've been a really slow news day in Montana for this to reach the wire — is the quote given by Huffman to the AP.
"I've never been arrested before or anything like that, and I get arrested for taking a dump."
Word.
(Thanks, Justin, for the link.)
While We're Talking of Stuffed Toilets: A few years ago, I was having lunch with three friends when one told us he'd stuffed up this girl's toilet at her place after their first date the night before. After we picked ourselves off the floor, he said he was gonna make it up to her on their second date. I said, "Wait, this girl is actually gonna see you again?" He affirmed. I said, "Oh, man, you are definitely marrying this chick. If she put up with that, what could you do to scare her away?" I attended their wedding this past summer. God how I wanted to give the toast.
The Weekend Link Dump:
Sports:
• Neel: Bonds Far and Away the NL MVP — No doubt about it. However you stack it, Barry Bonds is clearly the most valuable player in all of baseball, and has been for four straight years. In roughly half a season of official at-bats, less than 300, Barry had, as of Thursday, 35 home runs, 106 hits, 101 runs scored and 22 doubles, an .813 slugging percentage and an on-base percentage of .612. Sick.
• Whitlock: Americans Hate Dream Team 'Cause They're Black — Interesting take, but I think flawed. Are not American boxers black? Are not most track stars black? Maurice Greene and his Greatest of All Time tattoo aside, I don't think Americans are soured on them. Let's face it, many Americans are sick of a lot of actions that have hurt the NBA's image, the pot-smoking, the entourages, the rampant fathering out of wedlock, the strip-club scandals and rape allegations and brooding over lack of playing time and the Lakers circa 2003-04, and the unfaithfulness of Magic Johnson, Patrick Ewing and Kobe Bryant. And if a lot of these guys happen to be black, then tough. But it ain't the color, it's the culture. Which is why black soccer players, at least to me, seem to be a lot more gentlemanly and sportsmanlike than black NBA players, on the whole. Because it's the culture of their sport and their leagues.
• Nomar Has 'No Idea' If Starter is Left-Handed or Right-Handed — Funny link found on Boston Dirt Dogs pointing out a quote from a Garciaparra Q&A on the Cubs' official site. Nomar talks about he focuses more on himself than the pitcher. When asked if he knew whether that night's starting pitcher was a righty or lefty, he said, "I have no idea."
• College Football's Top 100 — Bruce Feldman ranks the top 100 prospects for next year's NFL Draft. Figure the Giants to get one of the top seven again. Three QBs are among the top nine.
• With Two Men Out, McGreevey Steps Up to the Plate and Saves the Day — After a couple of clowns poked fun at the New Jersey governor on a minor-league scoreboard, they were sacked, but McGreevey said that an apology should be enough and urged their rehiring.
Web Finds:
• A Tribute to Vida Guerra's Ass — A Gorilla Mask photo gallery on the most famous posterior not belonging to J-Lo or Rikishi. And it all started with a simple photo in FHM that caused a flood of reader feedback demanding more.
• Meet Dick Ring — This Tampa radio station bio says Ring "has that facility of turning listeners into friends." It makes no mention, though, of his ability to keep a penis erect when secured to the base. (Link found on Coolio's).
• Alex From BrowardHotSpots.com Hates Embassy Suites — Read his funny tirade on how he was treated after his girlfriend was doused with unidentifiable liquid that emerged from an Embassy Suites room above the street.
• Taking a Closer Look at the Medals of George W. Bush — Just as I suspected, that American Star does appear to be made from a Rolo foil wrapper.
• Video: Throw the Jew Down the Well — Ali G., who is Jewish, tries some anti-Semitic music at a country music joint in the U.S.A. And (shocker!) they're diggin it. Bunch of fart-knockers.
• Tootsie or Theresa Heinz Kerry — Damn if she don't look like Dorothy Michaels.
Jason Whitlock is a buffoon. I can't stand when someone is disliked, it's automatically because of their race. I am a Sacramento Kings season ticket holder. I like watching basketball, but I'm getting tired of the attitudes and actions of most NBA players for the exact reasons you've set forth Paul. I'm offended by Whitlock's comments. Just because I don't like this basketball team doesn't mean I don't like African Americans. Maybe he should come to my house and watch the Olympics with me. I'm rooting for our track stars. I'm rooting for our women's basketball team. The reason for the majority of people rooting against this group has nothing do with race.
Posted by Robbie at August 27, 2004 11:31 AM