Ever wanted to live in a mansion with servants at your beck and call? Have sex with your outrageously beautiful employees and make millions doing it? Throw parties that celebs clear their calendars for?
Well, you can't. Sorry. At least not in real life.
But if you have a really good imagination — plus an Xbox, a Playstation 2 or a PC — you might be interested in the forthcoming game Playboy: The Mansion.
Officially, the game is billed as such:
Playboy: The Mansion blends state-of-the-art social simulation with traditional role-playing and empire-building gameplay. As Hef, you build the Playboy Mansion and magazine into dynamic cultural icons and powerful brand. Rub shoulders with stunning women and celebrities as you pursue the ultimate Playboy lifestyle. Grow famous and gain exclusive access to the Playboy Archives, including footage of the world-famous Playboy Mansion.
Unofficially, I'm renting this the day it comes out, if only because of this passage from a GameSpot preview:.
Yes, Playboy: The Mansion will include topless nudity, as well as sex. Hef, the bunnies, and any of your guests can and will engage in sexual intercourse just about everywhere throughout the mansion. Cyberlore's plan is that the manner in which this will be depicted will match what is shown in R-rated movies...
Let me repeat: "any of your guests can and will engage in sexual intercourse just about everywhere throughout the mansion." That would be me and Miss July 1998 Lisa Dergan in the hot tub. Me and the Dahm triplets in the TV room, watching the YES Network. Me and all of 2003 in Hef's best guest room. Gary Coleman and Marilyn Monroe's corpse in the garage. And Scott Baio and Fred Durst in the broom closet.
Makes finding that princess at the end of Super Mario Brothers look like a load of crap.
Related:
• Playboy's Sexiest Bartenders — Vote among 10 finalists for America's Sexiest bartenders, then use your Cyber Club membership (or do what I did and borrow a friend's) to see them nekkid. 'Cause it's really hard to choose with all those clothes on.
• Playboy: The Mansion Previews — A host of gaming sites chime in after viewing a demo at E3.
• Photos: Britney Spears in White Bikini — Keeping the paparrazi-photo-link streak alive. Why did I file this under the Playboy links? Because Britney and the magazine need each other right now. Save yourselves before it's too late!
Other Web Finds:
• 'Frank the Tank' Trucker Hat — Wear it when you go streaking.
• W Ketchup — A brand that positions itself as an alternative to choosing Heinz and "supporting Teresa Heinz and her liberal causes, such as Kerry for President." Goes great with Freedom Fries while you watch the FOX News Channel.
• Your Mom's So Ugly... — Everyone should have at least five "yo mama" jokes memorized. My favorite: "Your mom's so ugly Ted Danson wouldn't date her!"
• Bill Simmons Vengeance Scale — Inspired by the upcoming NBA season, where Shaq and Kobe will both be out to make statements on the court, The Sports Guy rates from 0.0 to 10.0 the greatest acts of vengeance in sports/pop culture history. Only one real sporting moment ranked higher than 8.9, and there are five Corleone family references. Time to call him The Godfather Guy, I think.
• Blender Interviews Dave Chappelle — After seeing Anchorman, which stunk, I came home and laughed my ass off watching Chappelle's Show for free (if you ignore that little cable bill). Still the best live act I've ever seen, and this was six years ago. Even the Blender pics are hilarious.
• Flash Movie: How the World Will End — A funny commentary on how crazy the world is. Give it some time to load. (Thanks, Rachel)
I must have that game too (as well as Madden 2005). No thanks, Scott Baio...Move along, Fred Durst--I want Hef. I want to be one of his blondes (even if it is all pretend). I wonder what the grotto graphics are going to be like.
The Dave Chappelle show is the funniest thing on TV. I laugh my ass off everytime I watch.
Posted by Cass at July 22, 2004 9:52 PM