It's takes only about a week of reading this site to know that my favorite movie ever is Hamburger... The Motion Picture and that my favorite "restaurant" is White Castle. So when I saw a poster advertising a July 30 Hollywood release titled Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, I almost made a mess of myself.
I thought of all the box office records it would shatter. Move over, Titanic, there's a cashier behind bullet-proof glass straight ahead.
I don't know if that's how your White Castles are set up, but that's how it was in the Bronx, where I used to shuttle my teen-aged white friends from Westchester in my dad's Mercedes at 2 a.m. It wasn't just a hunger fix, it was an adventure. It's not like they installed bullet-proof glass because they thought it added to the decor.
Keep your eyes on your food. No sudden movements. And, for god's sake, don't ask to get buzzed into the prison-like bathroom area.
Anyway, back to the movie: it looks terrible. The flick's official website says HKGWC "follows two likeable underdogs who set out on a Friday night quest to satisfy their craving for White Castle hamburgers and end up on an epic journey of deep thoughts, deeper inhaling and a wild road trip as un-PC as it gets."
Take out the "White Castle" part, and it reads like 5,000 other movies I've refused to see. A couple of socially awkward young dudes get high and hit the road! No way! This has never been done before!
But the kicker is the trailer. That ubiquitous narrator tells us the movie stars "the Asian guy from American Pie and the Indian guy from Van Wilder." I didn't even know there was an Asian guy in American Pie. According to IMDB's credits page, he played "John, MILF Guy #2." Oh yeah, totally remember him. And I don't know any of the four people who saw Van Wilder, so Indian, Nicaraguan, Swedish or Irish, he ain't gonna get my to drop $10 on pot jokes that Cheech, Chong, Chappelle and Attell haven't thought of yet.
But we'll have to wait for the release and reviews for the true verdict. Nothing worse than people who say they haven't read Moneyball, and then tell you how bad it is. Someday I'll write a review on how fine a book it was.
Other Web Finds:
• Forbes' Best Cities for Singles — New York comes in eighth, even though it's at or very near the top of every criteria save Job Growth and Cost of Living Alone. So if you have a job and money, move here. Depends on what you're into, of course. If it's just getting drunk and getting laid, you can do that anywhere. Wanna be part of the capital of the world? Can't do it in Austin.
• Maxim's Survey of the Sexes — The sample size (3,000) is big enough to draw some kind of conclusion. The fun part is that all responses to questions are above 0%. So if you're into it, she's out there.
• Metal Sludge Exposed — The rock gossip site unveils embarrassing pictures of bands before they were famous. Examples: Motley Crue | Warrant | Avril Lavigne
• Football Kamasutra — Image gallery of soccer players in compromising positions. Each a Beat This Caption candidate. (Link found on Fleshbot)
• TIME's 50 Coolest Websites — It's hard to make an interesting "Best of Web" list these days, because great sites sure aren't popping up as frequently as they used to. (I wonder what's gonna be best auction site!) But you can typically pick up a new bookmark or two from any list this large.
• Stacked — Cheap plug for a friend's new blog. Smart boy who should do fine. Compared to PK.com: Expect less Milano and Spears, more Bush and Kerry. Less Yankees, more Pirates.
• Celebrating the Underblog — 2004 — Submit nominations for up to five blogs you feel deserve more exposure. Like mine and four others. (Link found on J-Mo)
I know the Yanks like to have a lot of ex-Mets on their roster (and vice-versa), but they don't have to play the outfield like them.
Bernie and Lofton looked lost out there; and twice "Godzilla" tried to knock down the left-field wall with his face. May I suggest using his fire-breath tonight?
On the scientific front:
Posted by Ed at July 3, 2004 10:54 AMIn a new effort to test Escape Velocity on small, round objects, NASA has requested that Mike Mussina throw batting practice before the games to Richard Hidalgo. But could he throw it a little harder?