Here are two constants regarding this site.
1. Readers love the pop culture lists. Besides me, there are only 5,000 other bloggers doing them, so that makes sense.
2. Everyone I know in real life says the picture to the left is a bad one of me. Which probably means there are no good pictures of me, considering I chose that one as the best.
With those points in mind, I'm doing a quick follow-up to yesterday's post on My Favorite TV Personalities. And I guess I'll have to post a new pic in B&W or something. I'm out of ideas there.
First, a little disclaimer. This site is mostly tongue-in cheek. I try to not be too negative. Nothing bores me like a blog full of bitching — seriously no one cares about your problems; we've all got our own — but we'll make an exception here. These TV personalities annoy the shit out of me.
10. Jared Fogle, Express Subway to Nerd Square: Not since the likes of Howard Cosell has one man been responsible for so many destroyed televisions. I know it's cruel, but I'd bet about 75% of Americans are secretly hoping that he someday puts back all the weight and tips the scales once again at a Haystacks Calhoun-like 425 pounds.
9. Donna Martin, 9021-Ho: First she saves her virginity — for what, I don't know; maybe the next Peach Pit condemnation from the Board of Health — then she gives it up to Vanilla Ice wannabe David. That must've been the best 90 seconds of her life. Then she sleeps with Noah on the second date. Now I don't know who the hell Noah is, but that's what I just read on Jump the Shark.
8. Family Feud Contestants, Let's Meet the Dork Family! Where to start? Maybe that "good answer" rally when the moronic cousin at the end serves up a guaranteed strike. Maybe the way they jump up and down in unison, like they're in a House of Pain video, for winning a $174 pot. Or maybe how the challenging team huddles and whispers in the corner like they're protecting plans for the Manhattan Project. Survey says: losers.
7. Nicole Ritchie, Simply Annoying: Not nearly hot enough to be hanging out with that other rich slut.
6. Tucker Carlson, Worst-Dressed Man on Television: I really have no problem with his delivery of conservative viewpoints on Crossfire. But that bow tie? On every show? He's just looking to annoy people with that. Congrats.
5. Mike Patrick, Human Airplane Hangar: Why does the play-by-play announcer for ESPN's Sunday Night Football have to scream in my face every time a running back breaks two tackles for an eight-yard gain? Dude, chill. It happens all the time.
4. Jimmy Kimmel's Cousin Sal, Dirtbag: For as much as I love Kimmel, his cousin is a dope who isn't funny unless he's playing a disgusting joke — usually from behind — on someone. Try jumping on me with your bare ass and see what it's like to sleep in a hospital for a week.
3. Oprah Audience Members, Sheep: On one hand, they say Oprah is one of the biggest influences on their lives. On the other, they say she's just a regular person. Now tell me, How can a regular person whom you've never met be one of the biggest influences on your life? Face it, these chicks are spellbound by sheer celebrity. How else could a rag like People sell a single issue?
2. Don West, QVC Sports Buffoon: Sports cards stopped being a solid investment 15 years ago — thanks to a saturated market and, later, the advent of eBay, which gave selling power to collectors. But you wouldn't know it from the late-night clowns who pimp already overpriced memorabilia to drunken and/or uninformed viewers, all but guaranteeing huge returns on nearly every lot. Of course, if such monetary gains were realized, they wouldn't be selling the stuff in the first place.
1. Ann Romano, Barbara's Mom Ain't Got it Goin' On: If the mom from One Day at a Time was better looking, I might be able to look past the fact that women's lib and comedy don't mix. Nothing's worse on a sitcom than canned laughter mixed with canned applause for righteous social stances. I've mentioned that only about 100 times over the years.
(Post your own selections in the Comments area below.)
If the Family Feud contestants make the most annoying TV personalities, I'd like to add Richard Dawson to the favorite's list from Sunday. There's nothing like a drunken game show host and participant (The Match Game) who will kiss any woman within 10 feet.
Posted by Robbie at June 22, 2004 10:30 AM