Jack Nicholson must think he's been a victim on Punk'd, huh? The self-proclaimed nudist and Grade A whack job has got to be looking around his house, hoping Ashton Kutcher would jump out of the bushes. Ain't gotten happen. Jack didn't get punked, but the Lakers got jacked.
I guess what Kobe meant was that he guaranteed there would be a Game 5. And ya' think there's any way I can get Bill Davidson to co-own my fantasy football team? What a run: an NBA, NHL and WNBA title in one year? Scott Baio never had a streak like that.
Anyone else feel sorry for Richard Hamilton in that, during this glorious run, he will forever be known as "the guy with the window on his face?" 'How 'bout the fact that the Pistons passed on drafting Carmelo Anthony, an immediate, legit NBA scorer, for a bench-jockey, and still hit the jackpot in June?
I used to root for the Lakers, if only for Shaq. He recognizes his role as an entertainer, but he goes all out on the court, gives good quote and respects the game and his opponents, despite the fact that his size — and skill, don't forget — can make a mockery of both. But I couldn't root for this team. I've long had enough of Gary Payton's jaw-jabberin', and Kobe Bryant just gives me the creeps. I don't know what happened in that Colorado hotel room. I wasn't there, but I know his wife wasn't, either.
So, I'm glad the NBA Finals turned out this way. The Pistons reminded me of the mid-'90s Knicks, only they got the job done. And it goes down as one of the biggest unexpected beatdowns in recent sports history. Not simply a new chapter in the the greatest upsets in sports history, but a demolition, with the underdog leaving no chance at pundits labeling the events a fluke.
Let's look back at some of the biggest unexpected beatdowns in recent sports history:
• Angels Over Yanks (3-1) in 2002 ALDS: With New York's string of three straight World Series victories snapped a year earlier in Arizona, it was time to reclaim what was ours. Newcomers Jason Giambi and Robin Ventura were All-Stars, as were four others en route to a 103-58 season. The Angels had won just four fewer games in 2002, but this was the Yankees, a team whose bankability in recent postseasons could be matched only by a team coached by Phil Jackson. For a game and a half, it was just like old times. Down 5-4 in the bottom of the eighth in Game 1, the Bombers scored four to put the game away. Down 4-0 in the bottom of the third in Game 2, the Yanks roared back with five straight runs, taking a one-run lead into the top of the eighth, where the Angels scored three and seemingly "stole" a game in the Bronx. But Anaheim's 29 total hits in the first two games were a sign of things to come. The Angels battered Yankee pitching out west, winning Games 3 and 4 by scores of 9-6 and 9-5. In four games, the Angels scored 31 runs and collected 56 hits, setting a playoff record with a .376 team batting average in a playoff series.
• Reds Over A's (4-0) in 1990 World Series: Last year, I wrote a World Series anniversary piece for TIME.com that ranked the best losing teams in the history of the Fall Classic. The 1990's A's came in second, boasting the AL's MVP (Rickey Henderson), Cy Young Award winner (Bob Welch) and a host of All-Stars in Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire and Dennis Eckersley. Throw in 22-game-winner Dave Stewart and you have a 103-59 team that should not have scored just eight runs and allowed the Reds to hit .317 in a four-game sweep.
• Buccaneers Over Raiders (48-21) in Super Bowl XXXVII: Tampa Bay was only a 3 1/2-point underdog, but they played like one of the mid-'80s-'90s NFC powers (49ers, Redskins, Cowboys) that turned sports' greatest spectacle into an annual joke. After allowing the Raiders a field goal on its opening drive, the Bucs clamped down on Oakland's next eight possessions, forcing five three-and-outs and two interceptions. It was never a game, and the final score for touchdowns: Bucs' defense: 3; Raiders' offense: 2.
• Alabama Over Miami (34-13) in 1993 Sugar Bowl: Even though the defending-national-champion Hurricanes barely squeaked by Syracuse, 16-10, in the Carrier Dome just a month earlier, with me, a really drunk 20-year-old junior, in the stands (ranked second on my list of painful losses), they came into the Sugar Bowl heavily favored, ranked No. 1 at 12-0 and riding a 29-game winning streak behind Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback Gino Torretta. No. 2 'Bama, though, did the whuppin', led by its own fearsome defense that put its stamp on the game, the season and college football history with a 31-yard interception return by George Teague that made the score 27-6 just five minutes into the second half.
• The World Over 2002 Team USA Basketball: Let ESPN's pre-World Championships analysis set the table: "United States: The prohibitive favorite to win the tournament and an automatic berth in the 2004 Olympics. Coached by George Karl of the Milwaukee Bucks, the U.S. brings in a record of 53-0 when using teams comprised of NBA players." After reeling off six straight wins, the "Creamed Team" lost to Argentina, Yugoslavia and Spain to fall to what is still a head-scratching sixth-place finish. It wasn't exactly Bird-Magic-Jordan-Malone-Ewing, but more was expected of a team that featured Baron Davis, Jermaine O'Neal, Paul Pierce, Michael Finley and Ben Wallace. Then again, Raef LaFrentz and Jay Williams somehow made the squad.
So that's five right there. Feel free to add comments if you can think of more heavily-favored teams that not only lost, but got their asses handed to them.
Other Sports Links:
• Four Yankees Lead AL All-Star Voting — That would be 50% of the position starters, even though Jason Giambi and Derek Jeter have not played up to snuff. I'm a big believer in voting for who you want to see, regardless of their stats. This is a game entirely for the fans, and I don't understand the backlash when they vote for players who they really want to see play together. I don't care if Bonds, Sosa and Griffey go for 0-for-500 between now and the All-Star Game. I want them in the same starting outfield. AL voting update | NL voting update
• Derek Jeter Girlfriend Watch — Keeping tabs on the future Hall of Famer's off-field workout.
• Steinbrenner Gloats Over Attendance Figures — "2004 will be recorded as the Year of the extraordinary Yankee fan!" gushed King George, who released a statement through his personal PR man bragging about the Yankees being baseball's biggest draw this season. We got your back, General Steinbrenner, lord of all things right about the game. You keep writing the checks and we'll supplement your bank account with the kickbacks.
• Phil Taylor: What's Wrong With Rooting for More White Guys in the NBA? — A super-smart analysis on the Larry Bird controversy, the SI.com scribe notes that maybe an influx of more white players will have the same positive effect that Arthur Ashe had on tennis and Yao Ming and Hideki Matsui have on their respective sports.
• Caddie Leaves Pappas Holding the Bag — Ever hear of a PGA Tour golfer and his caddie parting ways on the 16th hole? Me neither, till now.
• Fan Who Berated Malone Paid $25,000 for His Seat — The only interesting thing to come out of the confrontation Karl Malone had with a fan in Detroit was that he paid a king's ransom for his ticket. Do you realize that's the equivalent of more than 3,500 lap dances in Montreal? Figuring each song is three minutes long, that's 175 hours, or more than seven straight days, of stripper heaven. Oh, but three hours at an NBA game sounds fun, too.
paul> fuck LA..... tired of their whining...from coach on down
Posted by Grant at June 16, 2004 6:35 AMthey got the beat down
now what?