Even at 82, Dangerfield was cracking me up with his one-liners:

"I went to a hooker, and she told me, 'Not on the first date.'"

"My wife does a lot of charity work. She handles all the policemen's balls."

"I went to a nude beach, and they told me it wasn't polite to point."

"At the nude beach I saw a 100-pound man with 50-pound testicles. He told me he was sick. I told him, 'You're not sick. You're half-nuts.'"

I did a Google search for Rodney Dangerfield jokes, and here's the best I found out there:

"I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west!"

"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."

"When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up."

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning."

"I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!"

"They say, 'Love thy neighbor as thy self.' What am I supposed to do? Jerk him off too?"

"I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me."

"A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No. I hate myself now.'"

"I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, 'What'll you have?' I said, 'surprise me.' He showed me a naked picture of my wife."

"I went to see my doctor — you know him, Dr. Vinny Boom Batz. I told him, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?' He said, 'I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.""

"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, 'If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion.' He said, "All right, you're ugly too.""

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."

"During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel."

Funny, funny shit. Now don't forget to download the '80s classic Rappin' Rodney at Dangerfield's official website.