Here's what must be great about being a Kid Rock impersonator:

• It doesn't cost a lot of money. Wifebeaters go for, what, $5.99? You can walk right out of Wal-Mart and presto! — instant Kid Rock. Compare that to those Elvis impersonators, who must purchase lavish costumes, buy a lot of hair goop and, in at least one case, spend over $5,000 in plastic surgery to look like The King.

• No one will ask you to sing. Those opening bars of "Only God Knows Why" at the 2000 Grammys challenged, for most horrifying singing performance of all time, Axl Rose's surprise tag-team with Elton John on "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the 1992 Freddie Mercury tribute concert at Wembley Stadium. And I thought that was music's 56-game hitting streak, a mark never to be challenged.

• You get to hook up with the Pamela Anderson lookalikes. Sure as shit beats being a Bill Clinton impersonator and getting the same gigs as Hillary, Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones. Yeesh.

• If someone asks you for the real lyrics to "Bawitdaba," just say, "Bawitdaba da dam da monkey loogie mama shake the booger ba wit da hooky." Who's to say you're wrong?

• You can entertain kids, because it's clear no one cares about Kid Rock's lyrics. I'm not saying the NFL was wrong to hire him for the Super Bowl halftime show, but did they not know or not care about stuff like this?

From "WCSR"

I'm on a private jet out of JFK, Sippin' the Beck's and feeling A-OK
Looked across the aisle and who did I see, Bill motherfuckin' Clinton sittin' next to me
We kicked it talked had a couple of laughs, The stewardess walked up and asked us for our autographs
I thought I was mackin' gave her two free shirts, Bill stuck five fingers up in her skirt
So, I stuck five and that made ten, Shit two roosters and only one hen
Billy winked at me, it was all too sweet, We tag teamed that freak at 30,000 feet

Like I've written before, I bet "Abe motherfuckin' Lincoln" never had anyone sing about double-teaming chicks with him. And if someone did, I bet he didn't get hired to perform in front of the largest entertainment audience of the year.

Other Web Finds:

• The 100 Greatest Movie Characters of All Time — Everyone's linking to it, so I might as well. What, no Ben Drewton of Hamburger... The Motion Picture? Next thing you're gonna tell me is that thee's no Randy Watson of Coming to America, June Khnockers from Malibu Express or Balbricker from Porky's.

• The 50 Worst Songs Ever — Everyone's linking to it ... Sorry, but if you think Five for Fighting's Superman is a worse song than Katrina and the Waves' Walking on Sunshine, we just can't been seen in public together.

• Sex Advice From ... Construction Workers — Nerve.com goes straight to the experts at laying pipe.

• Recap of The Rock on The Howard Stern Radio Program — Caught a bit of this on TV the other night. Some superfan spun the Wheel of Humiliation for the right to meet The Rock, and the WWE superstar broke a balloon filled with urine on his bare ass.

• 2004 Webby Awards Nominees — Remember when people gave a shit about website awards? I've told this story before, but one year a friend and I sipped Champagne on the roof of a Madison Avenue Armani store at a party to celebrate the announcement of the Webby nominees. Not even the winners, just the nominees. Man, how times have changed.

• Photos: Wet T-Shirt Contests — While trolling around Fotki.com for other users of the service, I came across these T&A pics. File an informal complaint with me if you're offended. I'll give it it's due consideration.

• The George W. Bush Presidential Library — Uncle Melon's satirical look at No. 43's resumé.

• Mark Cuban Bashes Donald Trump — On his super-successful weblog, now with comments enabled, the Dallas Mavericks owner takes shots at the New York real estate media whore.