As a baseball junkie gearing up for the season, I bought a copy of The New Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract, which analyzes player-by-player, position-by-position and decade-by-decade the history of baseball. I'm sure it'll be fodder for many future PK.com posts — especially the 100 greatest players at each position — but we start today with James' assessment of the ugliest players in baseball history.
Here's how he breaks it down by decade (links go to hideous images):
1990s:
• Randy Johnson — I still have nightmares about the close-up shots of him pitching against the Yanks in the 1995 ALDS.
• Charlie O'Brien — How Otis Nixon didn't place among the top two I'll never know.
1980s:
• Steve Balboni — The one-dimensional, one-time Yankee enjoys cult-like status in New York. If you rooted for Balboni, you suffered through the dark days, for sure.
• Pete Vuckovich — Portrayed fictional Yankees slugger Clew Haywood in the film Major League. Uecker hated him, but I loved him.
1970s:
• George Foster — Ugly enough to be the only guy nominated for the 1970s. And with Rich Gossage around, that's saying something.
1960s:
• Bill Skowron — Guys nicknamed "Moose" aren't generally known for their attractiveness.
• Dick Donovan — Never heard of this guy, but he sounds like an authority figure in a Saturday Night Live sketch. Dick Donovan: Your Neighborhood Smut Policeman.
1950s:
• Don Mossi — Poor, old Don turned 75 last month and James has to go and piss on him like this. Did I mention that James is an employee of the Boston Red Sox?
1940s:
• Ewell Blackwell — Played 10 season but only one with the Yankees, in 1952. Guess which was the only year he played for a world champion? He was subsequently released for having a first name of Ewell.
• Jim Castiglia — Jim's entire career spanned 16 games in 1942. Shows you how much of a nut Bill James is.
• Charlie Keller — "King Kong" won three World Series titles with the Yankees. Can't knock a man who kicked the Sox in the gut 60 years ago (and they haven't recovered yet).
1930s:
• Ernie Lombardi — Looking at the image here ... Did catchers wear masks in the 1930s?
• Suitcase Seeds — Ira Robert Seeds played nine seasons, but only one with the Yankees, in 1936. Guess which was the only year he played for a world champion?
1920s:
• Joe Martina — Played in only 44 career games, but you can't argue against a guy with one male name and one female name. Though I didn't see Babe Ruth winning any beauty pageants either.
1910s:
• Rabbit Maranville — The bottom of his Hall of Fame plaque reads, "And he was one ugly mother fucker."
1900s:
• Ray Collins — Played his entire career with the Red Sox. Figures.
• Phil Geier — Born in 1875, Phil looks better today than in his playing days.
Really, how didn't Otis Nixon make that list? Did Bill James forget, or was it just Nixon's drug habut making him ugly, so there would have been an asterisk? I'm burning with questions here.
Posted by James at February 15, 2004 9:37 PM