So fresh off my undefeated week — in which I didn't actually win anything — this thought enters my head: You know, Paul, your history of picking games is worse than J. Lo's history with men, but 4-0 ain't a bad preseason. You've got your finger on the pulse of these playoffs. Plus, I don't see the Giants anywhere around here to keep you entertained.

So I placed a variety of wagers, through an online service, in an office pool, and with a friend. Basically, I broke every law in the book. But I'm not afraid of being punished. Hell, I already have been. See if you notice a pattern with these bets.

The Bet: $50 on Chiefs to win Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? With eight teams left, I go for the 4.5/1 odds ($225 payout) on a team with eight Pro Bowlers, a home game against the Colts and a potential second home game if the Pats slip up.
What Happened: Kansas City's defense forgets game starts on Sunday, not Monday. Chiefs lose their first home game of the season.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $50 on Rams to win Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? Still with eight teams left, I put a bullet in the chamber for the NFC, taking the 4/1 odds ($200 payout) on a team with only the Panthers and the customary Eagles choke in its way to Houston.
What Happened: Despite having an MVP QB, an MVP RB and an All-Pro WR, the Rams play the final minute of regulation as if the end zone is coated with anthrax. St. Louis loses its first home game of the season.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $20 on Colts to win Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? At the office, eight bettors toss in $20 and pick one of eight remaining teams out of a hat. Winner takes all ($160) and the first pick — the Panthers — draws a lot of laughs. I draw the Colts and know immediately that it conflicts with my Chiefs bet. I try to trade Indy for Philly with my co-worker. No dice.
What Happened: Peyton Manning completes as many passes to Ty Law as he does Marvin Harrison in Colts' 10-point loss in the AFC championship game.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $20 on Syracuse (+3) at Seton Hall
What Was I Thinking? Had $100 left to play with in my online account. Decided to give hoops a shot. My beloved national champs were on a 13-game winning streak and getting points in a game I was planning to attend live. I knew absolutely nothing about Seton Hall.
What Happened: My friends bail on me for the game. I stay home and the damn thing isn't even on TV. Did I even have a shot to win this? Seven-point loss for the Orangemen.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $20 on Kentucky (-3) at Tennessee
What Was I Thinking? Isn't Kentucky really, really good? And doesn't Tennessee suck? Too bad I couldn't name one player from either team.
What Happened: Kentucky wins a one-point overtime thriller that fails to thrill anyone who bet on Kentucky.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $30 on first coaches challenge being successful in the Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? Who's gonna waste a timeout in the Super Bowl unless he's absolutely sure of the call being overturned?
What Happened: When the Panthers challenged the spot of a Patriots rush on fourth down, I was elated. Easiest $30 I'd ever won. All that was left was for ref Ed Hochuli to announce the obvious: that Antowain Smith was stopped short. Hochuli screwed me.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $30 that the Patriots cover 1/2-point spread in third quarter of Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? I didn't want to root for the Pats all game, but I did think they were the superior team. Seemed like easy money, a measly half-point after Belichick gets to make halftime adjustments.
What Happened: With neither team having scored yet in the third quarter, New England has a 1st-and-goal from the nine with time left for only one running play. Antowain Smith rushes for five yards and the quarter ends scorless. The Patriots score 11 seconds into the fourth quarter.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $10 Super Bowl box - Patriots 1, Panthers 0
What Was I Thinking? One of those boxes I never win. Going for a $300 half or a $700 final. With the Patriots up 21-10 in the fourth quarter, I'm a winner if no one scores another point.
What Happened: Four touchdowns and one field goal later, it wasn't exactly the defensive struggle I was hoping for.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $10 Super Bowl box - Patriots 4, Panthers 6
What Was I Thinking? With the Pats up 21-16 in the fourth, I need only a Vinatieri field goal to win $700.
What Happened: Got the field goal ... and a bunch of other points I didn't need. Thanks, DeShaun Foster!
Result: Loss

So there you have it. I placed nine wagers and lost nine times. Nine times? Nine times.

See ya next year, sports gambling. Have a wonderful 2004 without me.