How proud Ben Franklin would be of Bill "El Wingador" Simmons, whose stomach is begging for mercy as he seeks an unprecedented fifth championship. Not to be confused with the Bill Simmons who writes for ESPN.com, this Simmons' talent lies not in quoting every line from Beverly Hills 90210 but in eating 154 chicken wings in 30 minutes — roughly one wing every 12 seconds for a half-hour — to win last year's title.

But El Wingador will feel no brotherly love from these dominators of the digestive tract. Presenting the challengers:

• Ed Jarvis, who ate seven pounds of watermelon (video)

• Krazy Kevin, who ate two pounds of brussel sprouts in three minutes (video)

• Tefkac, who ate three pounds of bologna in 12 minutes (video)

• Hank the Tank, who ate three pounds of chicken in nine minutes (video)

• Yao Bling, who ate one pound of fish eggs to qualify ... and pulled out a cell phone to celebrate (video)

And let's not forget 5-foot-5, 100-pound Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, who started eating as a sport while managing a Burger King and set a women's record by eating 25 Nathan's hot dogs on July 4. Which beat my Gray's Papaya record by 17, set exactly 11 months ago on my 30th birthday. To be fair, I was too drunk to see straight and I should get points for having kept them down.

(Thanks to my friend Scott for the link. If anyone else has web finds related to gluttony, chicken carcass drenched in hot sauce or anything having to do with a man chugging fish eggs, please let me know.)

Other Web Finds

• Miss Desert Sun Contest Photos — At the bottom of the splash page, check out the two dudes in the center of a bevy of hot women. How long do you think it was before they excused themselves to go to the bathroom?

• Bud Light's Real Men of Genius Radio Ads — An awesome collection of the hilarious Bud Light tributes to such men as "Mr. Bowling Shoe Giver Outer," "Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer" and "Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper." The TV spot I always find myself singing is "Mr. Way Too Much Cologne Wearer." Everywhere a splish splash! (Link found on ApeChild.com)

• MileHighClub.com — Everything you ever wanted to know — including true tales from the skies — about having uncomfortable, unsatisfying sex while hundreds of people snore around you. Or even better, in the lavatory, where people pee all over the place when the flight gets bumpy.

• Sex Week at Yale — This "celebration of sex and sexuality" is defined as "an interdisciplinary sex education program designed to peak students' interests through creative, interactive, and exciting programming." Hmm, this is weird, but I'm not aroused yet. Why do I get the feeling one could learn more about sexuality at an Arizona State block party?