Let's see how the issue shapes up:

• Page 4: Calvin Klein Underwear Ad — Soccer player Fredrik Ljungberg is naked except his package is fit snug in a pair of briefs. Thanks, guys. Exactly what I'm look for here.

• Page 23: A&E Ad for Playboy Special — A celebration billed as the ultimate anniversary party will air on A&E Sunday, Dec. 7, at 8 p.m. But celebrating Playboy on A&E is like dining at Peter Luger's and ordering a vegetarian meal.

• Page 25: Britney at Playboy Mansion — Ms. Spears appears in the collage of recent party photos. God I hope they spiked her punch. Also George Clooney appears on the party page for the 395th straight issue. Tommy Lee also licks Mark McGrath on page 26, which would probably interest those who clicked on the Fredrik Ljungberg link.

• Page 37: Crack Reporting: Belt Bottoms — Coming to a woman near you: a stealth harness that lifts the ass to "J. Lo-esque" prominence. Christ, wasn't it hard enough to learn how to gracefully unhook a bra?

• Page 38: Employee of the Month — Get your foot-long done right by Subway sandwich stuffer Heidi Rhodes, whose franchise location is undisclosed, which really puts a damper on my stalking plans.

• Page 43: Raw Data — Pamela Anderson leads cover appearances with 10. And I got sick of her after only three. (If Pam is reading this, I'm just kidding. Call me, baby!)

• Page 61: Playboy Advisor — D.B. in Phoenix, Ariz., wants to treat her husband to a "blow job that leaves a lipstick mark on his cock," but finds that "most rogues don't adhere." She is advised to try Red Coromandel Chanel. (Allow me to catch my breath for the next entry.)

• Page 65: The Playboy Forum — "We Won!" screams the headline on a story that declares the sexual revolution over. When Hef launched Playboy, 49 states criminalized oral and anal sex. Columnist James R. Peterson lauds this past summer's repeal of a Texas law that banned gay sex, saying "it valued a core belief of this magazine: that sex between to or more consenting adults is a basic human right and no business of the state."

• Page 68: The 12-Minute Playboy Philosophy — The mag's stance on obscenity, censorship, casual sex, homosexuality and more. Much of it comes down to one word: freedom.

• Page 79: Playboy Interview: Jack Nicholson — The "epitome of cool" — as the intro reads — discloses his life as a nudist. And let that thought stick in your head for awhile.

• Page 200: Golden Memories — Some of the indelible images of centerfolds and celebrities over the years such as Anna Nicole Smith back when guys younger than 70 wanted to have sex with her. Oh Chirst, there's that picture of Chyna. Would rather see Jack Nicholson naked.

• Page 220: 50 Products That Changed the World — The personal computer is No. 1, which would also top a list of 50 Products That Ruined This Magazine.

There's another 100 or so pages of fashion, interviews, essays and boobs. Definitely worth picking up. Get yours at the newsstand on 79th and Broadway and maybe the guy will put yours in a discreet black plastic bag, too. Thanks, man!

Other Playboy Links:

• Fun Facts About Playboy on Its 50th Birthday — Seven men have appeared on the cover of Playboy, and someone over there clearly has a hard-on for comedians. Peter Sellers, Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd, Jerry Seinfeld and Leslie Nielsen are five of them. The other two — Burt Reynolds and Donald Trump — could be filed in the Comedy bin, too.

• Playboy's 50th Anniversary Site — Includes the top 50 images from the magazine's history. See Pam Anderson (No. 24) before surgery, Charlton Heston (No. 31) spreading peanut butter (On bread, people! On bread!) and Kylie Bax (No. 47) basically raise my blood pressure to unhealthy levels.

• Uncle Melon Celebrates 50 Years of Playboy — A quick-witted writer comments on centerfold images through the years. Can't believe Playboy's notoriously aggressive copyright lawyers haven't gotten to him yet. (Not safe for work... unless you work in a porno theater.)

• Playboy at 50: A Man's Notes — The subhead of Reed Johnson's column in the L.A. Times says it all: "Hef's influential magazine has always been about a disdain for the unsophisticated macho lifestyle more than those glossy pictures."