Triumph first stole a place in my heart in a long-ago Conan O'Brien skit in which his master came home to find a puddle on the carpet, just before a hot date was to arrive. "That had better be water!" Conan warned. Triumph replied, "It was four hours ago."

And then there was the confrontation with Eminem at the 2002 MTV Music Awards (pictured). Moby a 36-year-old bald-headed fag? Triumph corrected the lyric by saying, "First of all, everyone knows you're 35!" Triumph (with comedian Robert Smigel's hand up his ass) ventured toward Eminem, where he and two posse members threatened ... no, not the human ... the god-damn puppet! Look at the picture. They're telling a puppet to step off.

But Triumph rebounded nicely, launching his very own website that contains audio of his new rap I Keed, in which he goes after American Idol and Justin Timberlake thusly:

Ruben or Clay, oh which should I pick?
It's like choosing which puddle of vomit to lick.

So many skills Justin's making a buck at.
Does he rap? Does he sing? He doesn't know what to suck at.

Finally, don't miss Triumph's Dirty Dozen interview on Playboy.com, in which he shares some enlightening info for pet owners: "I know it seems like some dogs like to watch people have sex, but that's because they're actually just waiting for you to ask them to join in. But of course you don't. And that's why they shit on your laundry."

Other Web Finds:

• Ten Most Overpaid Jobs in the U.S. — Some of these are fairly interesting — wedding photographers, orthodontists ($350,000 a year!) — and then there are the entries of "CEOs of poorly performing companies" and "washed-up pro athletes in long-term contracts" No, are you serious?

• Church Sign Generator — Make your very own Simpsons-like "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Salvation" image and watch it speed around the Internet.

• Make Your Coworkers Cry — A couple of office pranks that will reduce your officemates to tears.

• Top 10: Memorable 20th Century Speeches — Hey, it's an article on AskMen.com that's not about bedding your platonic female friend. And they're not even trying to sell me a fitness book. Who abducted the site's editor?