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Monday, September 29, 2003

It's Open Season on Telemarketers
It used to be that when a telemarketer called, I would not only thank the salesperson but apologize as well. Not comfortable hanging up on someone, I would listen to the opening schpeil and say, "Oh, thanks but I'm not interested." And then I would listen to Part II and reply with, "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested." Then hang up and think, Damn, I hope that wasn't too rude.

My reason for relative politeness was that the person on the other end of the line didn't deserve much gruff. He or she wouldn't be in that position unless it was a last resort from an employment standpoint. Not everyone with a crappy job is a crack-smoking wife-beater, you know.

Then came those patronizing, loud recorded messages, and my tone changed a bit. Especially when I returned one that happened to wake me up on a weekend. The operator barely got past hello when I said, "I want you to take me off your fucking list right fucking now." It felt great.

Awhile back I registered my number on the New York State Do-Not-Call List, and telemarketers haven't since been a problem. But I imagine the state list is in jeopardy now that a judge has struck down a national do-not-call list that included over 50 million phone numbers registered by fed-up Americans.

The judge, whose office number was on the list, ruled that it was an unconstitutional infringement on free speech. Come again? Does this mean you can knock on my door and try to sell me bullshit all day long even if I ask you not to? He could have said it was an infringement on his ability to lick his own balls and it would have made more sense to me.

The funny part about all this telemarketing backlash is how people always complain about being called during dinner. Like dinner it's the most sacred of times. How about when you're giving it to the wife? Or when your team is playing Monday Night Football? Or when you're giving it to your neighbor's wife? Those are times you don't want to be interrupted. But when you're watching over a pan of Hamburger Helper? Surely you've got two minutes to talk about vacation condos.

Other Telemarketing Links:

Audio From Jim Florentine's "Terrorizing Telemarketers" — Download a few MP3 clips of the hilarious voice of Crank Yankers' Bobby Fletcher and Special Ed. I love when the callers get upset when Jim turns the tables on them.

How to Deal With Telemarketers — Some funny ways on how to turn the tables by making them uncomfortable, some by being equally as patronizing, some by being painfully annoying.

Andy Rooney's Tips For Telemarketers — Practical tips for getting back not only at telemarketers ("Hold on, please" and walk away) but with junk mailers (return empty envelopes).

National Do Not Call Registry — The site that, as they say, started it all.

Other News Links:

Confessions of a Spam King — More vermin. The New York Times catches up with a man who makes a living by filling your e-mail box. Read how he does it and why Congress probably won't do a thing about it.

Bearer of Bad News — Jeremy Simmons, who administers H.I.V. tests at a Tulsa, Okla., clinic, shares with the New York Times what it's like to inform a person about a positive result.

Vince Neil Gets Into Fight With Poison's Bret Michaels and Bobby Dall — More hair-band gossip from Metal Sludge, with e-mails from concert-goers who witnessed the tussle.

Girl, 5, Makes Bong in "Show and Tell" — It wasn't even Snoop's kid.

Justice Probes Leak of CIA Agent's Name — Does politics get any uglier than when a CIA agent's identity is exposed because her husband questioned President Bush's claims?

WB 11's Video Tribute to Sean Kimerling — The news program remembers fondly its 37-year-old sportscaster, who learned he had testicular cancer in August and died four weeks later.

Category: News | Permalink | Post a Comment (7)


Comments: It's Open Season on Telemarketers

I used to work in telemarketing when I was a freshman in college. The job sucked and only lasted a month, but it paid $11/hour for p/t work. People would scream,curse and hang up on us. The ruder people were to me, the more calling lists I added their name to. Yep, if you notice that you get a million telemarketing calls a day, chances are you were a dick to one that called you in the past. If you get calls real early in the morning on weekends or later at night--then you were an incredible asshole to someone before. Even back then, we had access to a database that we could add names to nationwide call lists for everything you could imagine. Paul, so when you are nailing the neighbors wife, do you really find yourself interrupted by the ringing phone? A plane could crash into my house, and it wouldn't stop me from finishing the job.

On another topic, Sean K. dying of cancer so young and so quickly is sad. It just goes to show you, that no matter how young you are (and healthy you think you are), you still need to have a yearly physical. Early detection is the key to treating and surviving cancer.

Posted by Cass at September 29, 2003 5:40 AM

Whenever I am called by a telemarketer I do one of two things: 1) tell them Mr. JC is dead or 2)give the phone to my 2-yr old.

Posted by JC at September 29, 2003 12:03 PM

Here is the part I don't understand. I will make the assumption that every person who put their phone number on the do-not-call list will NEVER make a purchase from telemarketing. That is why they want their number taken off. If they want something, they will actively pursue the purchase. So why would the telemarketing industry even want to waste time and resources calling these people who will not make purchases?

From a marketing perspective, this is a great way for the telemarketers to focus on the numbers that have a better possibility of resulting in a sale. If you narrowed the list down by 50 million numbers, you can more efficiently hire employees based on the number of remaining phone numbers on telemarketing lists. The companies will not expend phone fees and labor costs for pursuing dead leads. They should favor this list.

Posted by Cory at September 29, 2003 3:24 PM

Cory makes a really good marketing point about the "do not call list". I work in sales and do not want to waste my time, effort or the company's money marketing where it is not lucrative. I don't care what any telemarketing advocate tells you, but the bottom line is that they do prey on the elderly. People like us who do not want our older relatives taken advantage of any further, can have them added to the "do not call list" without their knowledge(I put my own grandmother on it and never told her). The telemarketing industry knows this, and we are taking it upon ourselves to eliminate a chunk of their profits. Anyone who calls my grandmother can talk her into sending them money, so I added her to the list. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and she is better off. She is home all day long to take every single friggin' phone call from these people.

Posted by Cass at September 29, 2003 7:21 PM

Did you notice where the 5 year old bong maker was from? Australia, and a Northern Territorian, no less. If it had been a Tasmanian, all of our worst prejudices really would have been confirmed...

Posted by Dave at September 30, 2003 2:51 AM

It seems that a judge had considered that a "telemarketing free speech" goes over privacy. My conclusion is when money of big sales money is involved anything is possible.

We are suffering a variation of tele-attack. Since telemarketing, is not an efficient sales technique here, they concentrate on elderly people, which they presume is "easier". I do think that the "please no calls" lists are a very good idea that should come over here

Posted by Nativo at October 3, 2003 5:49 PM

It seems that a judge had considered that a "telemarketing free speech" goes over privacy. My conclusion is when money of big sales money is involved anything is possible.

We are suffering a variation of tele-attack. Since telemarketing, is not an efficient sales technique here, they concentrate on elderly people, which they presume is "easier". I do think that the "please no calls" lists are a very good idea that should come over here

Posted by at October 3, 2003 5:49 PM
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