When I bought Madden 2004 a couple of weeks ago, I also purchased the online connection kit that allows me to hook up my DSL line (without disrupting my computer connection) into the PS2. With it, I can compete against friends — and trashtalk over an optional headset — or challenge one of the thousands of players of all skill levels logged onto EA Sports' network. The company is kind enough to publish such user stats as record, run/pass yardage average and average opponent rank. Yep, we're a long way from the 4-play Tecmo Bowl that we devoured in college.

Speaking of plays, users can create their own, selecting formations and routes to be run by players that can also be created ... to perform in stadiums that — you guessed it — can also be created. It seems the only thing that cannot be recreated is the bloodshed in the stands at Oakland Raiders games.

Among the game's most advanced features:

Franchise Mode: — Take full command of an organization for 30 complete seasons. Includes drafts, training camps, injuries and playoffs. Basically, you do everything but fuck the cheerleaders.
Owner Mode: — Assume complete control of an organization's financial responsibilities. From hiring the best available coaches to setting prices for tickets, parking and merchandise, you decide how all of the team's non-bail money is allotted.
Create a Player: — Tall and fat. It's not just Thornton Melon's clothing line for big people, it's the new defensive lineman who looks like your landlord!
Madden Cards: — Rewards for good performance earned and cashed in during games. Find the elusive Get Rid of Dilfer Free card.
Historic Teams: — Not just the 1978 Steelers, but at least a couple of old favorites for each franchise, including classic uniform styles. Unfortunately, the player names and correct numbers are not available. Must be a Players Association legal thing.
Shockey Mode: — See if you can find anyone on the street who believes he attended a major university.

As you can see, the game is, um, complex. I might get around to trying out 10% of it. For those similarly unwilling to allot 2,000 hours to a particular video game, it's not too hard to plug and play, at least on the Rookie and Pro levels. Don't expect to win a Super Bowl on Pro Bowl or All-Madden level. Or, if you're like me, don't expect to beat anybody other than the Bengals.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time to kickoff a preview of the Cowboys-Giants game I'll be at Monday night.

In Five Words or Less: Keepin' it Real, Man

Madden 2004 Links:

Madden 2004 Player Rankings — And the top players in the league are — you guessed it — Brian Dawkins, Adam Vinatieri and Ray Lewis. Part of the ESPN Gamer site.

Madden 2004 Message Board — If you ever think that there aren't enough psycho gamers to warrant such over-the-top advanced gameplay features, look no further than this community of Madden disciples.

Online FAQ — Wanna know how to get online and challenge me and my killer Giants to a game? Read up.

Madden NFL 2004 FAQs and Guides — All the historic rosters, all the Madden cards explained, all the fucking lyrics to the soundtrack. Does it ever stop?

Metacritic Reviews: Madden 2004 — Read a host of reviews from the most respected sources in video games. The game grades an average of 94 out of 100, just slightly less than Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, which I was once addicted to.