While "Oops, I crapped my pants" is a classic its not quite as funny as Alec Baldwin trying to sell his "schweaty balls".
My first dating experience in Dallas included my date asking to see a copy of my resume. At first I thought she was a recruiter, but she just happened to be upfront about her materialistic ways.
After dinner & plenty of drinks I stiffed her on the tab and left her at the restaraunt to find a cab home.
Other Dallas nightlife conversations:
"Hey would you like to dance?"
"NO Thank You." [in a snotty bitch tone]
"Hey, don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
or my pal Jesse Pangelinan's favorite
"Hey would you like to dance?"
"Do you have a big penis?"
"To dance with?"
"Baby, if you're gonna get with me you better have a Big Gun. You hear what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, you're saying you want a Big Gun `cause you obviously have a BIG HOLSTER."
Yup, one day I'll have enough cash to move to Austin.
You look pretty flexible, can you kiss your own ass?
Your face is a little splotchy, do you want a protein jizz cover-up?
I've been waiting all my life.....to tell a girl like you to fuck off.
Do you suck toes? Well I know who's not going to be sucking my dick tonight...
My best line was at sixteen, making out with my boyfriend in the front seat of his dad's car. He asked me "Wanna get in the backseat?" and I replied "No, I would rather sit up here with you!"
And by the way, that Britney video...how low can those pants go? Holy crap! I didn't hear a word she said, I was so distracted!
Sorry if my prior comment was too foul.
My actual best line was "Hey good lookin', be back to pick you up later".
No, really, true story. I had an apartment near a pretty popular college haunt. I saw a girl who was finer than powdered sugar and actually went up to her and said, "Hey, let's lose the fat girlfiend and go play battleship on my waterbed". Her response, "I can't, I'm her ride home".
The best pickup line was, "If you sit on my face, I'll guess your weight." We use that a lot....
I have heard all of the pick up lines known to man, and surprisingly enough...none of them have ever worked.
Are your pants made of mirrors? Because I can see myself in them.
Are your legs tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day.
My advice to men is to make women laugh. That is what works. If you are not naturally funny, then speak as little as possible except for genuine compliments. Men usually fuck it all up for themselves because they say something stupid--like those pick up lines.
Cass, what about the bumbler. You know, the guy who catches your eye at the bar and starts to look nervous and does cute things like spill his beer. That makes you laugh doesn't it? Would you recommend this as a pick-up strategy?
Signed,
"Hey Good Lookin', Be Back to Pick You Up Later!"
JC,
The spilling of alcohol is not cute...it is damn near a crime. As far as the "bumbler" bit, if he gets nervous just from me looking at him--then he most definitely will get stage fright when I get him naked...no thank you. There is nothing cute or funny about that. Confidence, intelligence and a sense of humor is what you need to get into my pants... save the bullshit lines and the stupid acts--they are a turn off.
I'd just like to say:
A. I'm glad I'm not dating any more so I don't have to worry about this stuff.
B. When I was dating, I was always glad I wasn't the guy, because I'd never want to be the person who had to deliver the pick-up line. Can't be fun most of the time to be the person who apparently has one shot to get it right.
While "Oops, I crapped my pants" is a classic its not quite as funny as Alec Baldwin trying to sell his "schweaty balls".
Posted by Gina at August 26, 2003 12:48 AM