Today while going through some old papers, I found a photocopy of one of my great works, a letter dated 3/7/95 that I sent in response to being called for jury duty in lower Manhattan. My mission clearly was to present myself as an unstable member of the community, someone no lawyer in his right mind would want sitting on his jury.
Dear Judge,
I have recently received my summons to sere as a juror beginning the week of March 13. Unfortunately, I will be out of town on business and would like to defer until the summer. Also, my brother, who lives at the same address as me, was asked to serve in White Plains. Is there any way that I could serve my country proud in Westchester instead of downtown New York?
I sincerely do wish to serve on your jury. I have been watching the O.J. trial every day and want to be on a high-profile case so that I can write a book and make money after I put someone in jail.
I would like to get called in June. That way, I'd have plenty of time to watch People's Court and get a sense of what goes on in a real courtroom.
Hey Judge, maybe we can institute that new death penalty. I'll pull the switch and then we can go for a few drinks at Jim Bob's Big Boob Bonanza.
Thanks
Paul Katcher
That summer I was called back into jury duty and was selected to serve an entire month on federal grand jury. Each day we would hear 2-4 cases of assistant D.A.s looking for our votes to go to trial. Nearly all of them were drug-related, involving Hispanics residing in way upper Manhattan or the outer boroughs. There was one abstaining vote all month. The rest of the cases received unanimous support of 15-30 to go to trial.
The letter is good. But, since it landed you a gig for a month we likely will not steal this one from you.
Psst, I did a one year gig as a Grand Juror. Totally fun, eh?
Posted by meg at August 4, 2003 12:56 AM