The breakfast really has no premise, other than to mock the serious My Dinner With Andre, which Amazon.com describes as "the most talked-about art-house hit of 1981" that includes a two-hour conversation that's "the kind of mesmerizing, soul-searching, life-affirming exploration that we feel privileged." So you can see why it was so important for Blassie, in this film, to reveal how much toilet paper he uses when he takes a shit.

That disclosure comes when Blassie and Kaufman, two giants of celebrity, discuss their disdain for fans who want not only an autograph but a handshake, which they view as some kind of germ orgy. Blassie is especially disgusted if the fan has just come from the bathroom. "Maybe their fingers went through the tissue," Blassie says. "What am I gonna shake hands with these pencil neck geeks?"

"Some guys use only two, three pieces of tissue," Blassie continues. "I use half a roll. I'll be darn sure my finger doesn't go through."

Along with being the wizard of wiping, Blassie also shows his smarts in medicine ("Have you read the latest article on herpes?"), socioeconomics (referring to a pregnant waitress, he predicts "That's another one we're gonna have to feed on welfare") and etiquette (lambasting Kaufman for thanking the host for seating them, Blassie asks, "What did you thank him for? He didn't do anything he's not supposed to do").

The rest of the breakfast conversation is equally scatter-brained. Kaufman seeks advice on the future of his wrestling career after Jerry Lawler made a neckbrace a necessary part of Andy's wardrobe. Blassie tells stories about Iran and Japan that go nowhere fast, and I found myself thankful this movie lasted only 60 minutes. Too bad Kaufman is no longer with us, though. I still would've liked to have seen the sequel My After-Dinner Drink With Albano.

Grade: C+

In Five Words or Less: Pencil-Necked Geeks Love It

My Breakfast With Blassie Links:

IMDB.com Listing — See user comments and listing of the cast and crew.

Slam! Sports' Review — A lengthy review written shortly after Blassie's death earlier this year.

Screen Shots From the Film — There's Kaufman. There's Blassie. There's the table. There ain't much more to see.

Blassie's Book: Listen You Pencil Neck Geeks — I read a few pages in a bookstore recently. Blassie said of one guy in wrestling, "If you put his brain in a hummingbird, it would fly backward."