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Thursday, June 19, 2003

Review: The Karate Kid
The other night I caught a TV airing of the unintentional comedy that ranks No. 13 among my favorite movies ever, The Karate Kid, starring Ralph Macchio and the cook from Happy Days. How good was this film? It contained two of the absolute worst lines in cinematic history, and it still rates as entirely watchable.

Let's recap some of the film's funniest moments:

• Mr. Miyagi asks Daniel-san to show him how he sands floors and whacks off

• Cobra Kai sensei John Kreese warns Daniel that if he doesn't show at the All-Valley karate tournament that "it will be open season" on his ass. Then he looks at Miyagi and delivers the same threat (see picture; try not to laugh)

• When Daniel asks Ali if she knows about the upcoming karate tournament and she answers, "doesn't everybody?" I have an easier time believing that an old super could afford a fleet of classic cars than I do believing an 18-and-under karate championship is the toast of the So-Cal social calendar

• When the tournament announcer yells, "Daniel LaRusso is gonna fight!" and the crowd explodes with jubilation as if he just informed them that stacks of porn DVDs would be handed out at the exit

Second-Worst Line in Movie History
"It must be Take a Worm for a Walk Week."

Absolutely horrendous. So bad that a band named Uprising recorded a song with that very title.

Worst Line in Movie History
"Get him a body bag! Yeah!!!"

Seriously, name me one movie quote that's even more unintentionally hilarious.

All this silliness aside, The Karate Kid teaches us life's simple yet valuable lessons through household chores and miniature golf. What have we learned? That girls with the big cans are always the most popular chicks in high school. That chopsticks beat flyswatters if you have beginner's luck. And to have complete trust in allowing your awkward teenage boy to hang out with an unknown superintendent for entire days.

Grade: B+

In Five Words or Less: Legend Ralph Macchio's Greatest Performace

Links:

Miyagi's Guide to Sex — He promise teach sex to you, you promise learn. He say, you do, no questions.

Karate Kid Quotes — You won't believe someone got paid to write this stuff.

The Karate Kid Website — The most comprehensive related site includes trivia, pictures and locations of buildings that appeared in the movie.

Category: Quickie Reviews | Permalink | Post a Comment (10)


Comments: Review: The Karate Kid

You are forgetting two of the best parts of that movie.

Fisrt, one of the other memorable lines from that movie: "Sweep the leg, Johnny!" uttered in the same scene as the body bag line.

Second, and more importantly, is the fact that that line is uttered to none other than William Zabka--the quintissential 80's movie antagonist. He appeared in such 80's classics as "Just One of the Guys" and a favorite of yours, "Back to School", not to mention the second and thrid installments of the Karate Kid saga.

According to the IMDB, he's still working hard, but I haven't gotten around to seeing such cinematic gems as Ablaze (2001) and Hyper Sonic (2002)

Posted by Marty at June 19, 2003 12:02 PM

I mention both Zabka and the sweep-the-leg command in the list of my most hated athletes.

One day I'll do something on Hollywood moves I want to see people try in real life. Sweeping the leg is one, that crane shit is another, and I would walk over hot coals to see someone try a Superfly from atop a bar.

Posted by Paul Katcher at June 19, 2003 12:16 PM

I'll click on The Karate Kid whenever I see it listed on TV. Not for the dynamic interpersonal stylings of Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, however, but just to watch a delicious, young Elisabeth Shue prance around in tight sweaters. My buddies ragged on me once for admitting that I've seen Adventures in Babysitting from beginning to end, but that quickly ceased when I reminded them that Shue had the starring role. All was quickly forgiven.

I had a friend in college who knew William Zabka growing up and said he couldn't have been more of an opposite of the characters he was known for. Claimed he was a realy decent guy and fun to be around.

Posted by TTman at June 19, 2003 12:25 PM

I should have never doubted you, Paul. The egg-on-my-face-move of a newbie to your site.

TT- I am willing to bet your buddy is absolutely right about Zabka--I'm sure he's a great guy. If you can arrange the introduction, I'd love to buy him a beer some time. He's just an unfortunate guy who was type cast in the antagonist role in a string of cheesy 80's comedies, and as a result has a kind of cult-celebrity among gen-x pop culture freaks like myself. I get a kick (no pun intended, really) out of guys like that.

Here's another guy: http://us.imdb.com/Name?Starr,+Mike+(I) Mike Starr. Probably best known as "Frenchy in Goodfellas "The Gasman" in Dumb and Dumber. This guy's been busting his ass for years, and usually ends up playing some antagonist, or meathead. I met him a few times (he lived in Pelham for a while, Paul) and he was a sweetheart--really nice guy.

I'd love to see a hard working guy like Zabka, Starr, Courtney Gains, Luis Guzman, or John Kapelos have some breakthrough role where they would be taken seriously, and could command the mega-millions that some of these other hacks get, but I guess that's just show biz...

Posted by Marty at June 19, 2003 12:59 PM

i have watched that movie one to many times my favorite part is when they have to push that old car b/c it is dead, nothing worse on a first date than pushing your car with your mom!

Posted by nels at June 19, 2003 1:27 PM

This movie gets a full tankard raise ( hey....tankards are underrated drinking utensils...screw the collectors) for one fact and one fact only. Danny dons the Dan Fouts #14 Bolts jersey ( So, it may be when he gets his ass kicked)he was stylin. As the comic book store guy would say, "Best uniforms ever."

And Paul, please don't take the obvious chance to say something like "the ass kicking was a foreshadowing to the malaise that would haunt the chargers for years to come". Paul was warming up in the pen as pitcher # 7 during that no no at the Stadium.

I am sorry, but my psyche is fragile. Go Bolts.

Posted by Craig H at June 20, 2003 12:04 PM

Daniel never wore a No. 14 Dan Fouts jersey. He got punked after the Halloween dance wearing a No. 89 Wes Chandler model. Don't test me, Padres boy, else I'll take you deep as I did often 15 years ago.

Posted by Paul Katcher at June 20, 2003 1:26 PM

well done, but it seems that you have an accute case of the "older I get better I was"

The Pads will rise again. At when they don't win the World Series this season ( like the Yanks) they will do it for 110 million less...

Posted by Craig H at June 22, 2003 7:11 PM

Marty,

Mike Starr lives two blocks over from me and is a frequent diner at Stanley's Kitchen. Great guy who loves people that recognize him.

Jeffcaw

Posted by jeffcaw at June 23, 2003 4:19 PM

I know everything there is to know about "the karate kid" because my daughter makes us watch it almost every day. As a kid I preferred "the outsiders" as far as Ralph Macchio movies went.:D

Posted by kim at July 7, 2004 3:05 AM
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