When you think movie villain, who do you think of? I think of Drill Sergeant Ben Drewton, played by the hardest-hitting actor in the business, Dick Butkus, in Hamburger: The Motion Picture. But fast-food college comedies are an acquired taste, so it is no wonder that Drewton is nowhere to be found on the American Film Institute's recently released list of top 50 heroes and villains in movie history.
Amazingly, Darth Vader got the shaft, ranking No. 3 all time behind Hannibal Lecter and Norman Bates. Puh-leeze. Vader has his own fucking theme song! He had that voice of thunder and that breathing pattern that made him sound winded from a round of ass-kicking insubordinate Stormtroopers. (He also sounded like an obscene phone caller or Mo Vaughn after sprinting to McDonald's, but stick with me here.)
But the theme song, man: DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM, DUM-DUM-DUM, DUM-DUM-DUM! That was some scary shit. When he walked in the room, it was like dad coming home when all your Legos were scattered all over the fucking room. You cleaned that shit up quick.
Lecter? I'd tell that bitch to hang tight with his Italian wine, and I'd be with him in a minute.
As for the heroes, it could take a week to put into words my cynicism over the ultra-PC selection of Atticus Finch ranking No. 1, ahead of Rocky Balboa, Luke Skywalker or James Fucking Bond. Seriously, man, is there anyone out there who didn't at one point in their lives pretend to be one of those people, delivering a drunken "Yo, Adrian!" or performing a light-saber fight or pulling out an invisible 10-way gun/camera/dildo/knife on the playground. No one ever said, "Check it, watch me defend this black guy with the oratory skills of my man Atticus Finch!"
The Top 10 heroes according to AFI:
1: Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)
2: Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark)
3: James Bond (Dr No)
4: Rick Blaine (Casablanca)
5: Will Kane (High Noon)
6: Clarice Starling (The Silence of the Lambs)
7: Rock Balboa (Rocky)
8: Ellen Ripley (Aliens)
9: George Bailey (It's a Wonderful Life)
10: Colonel TE Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia)
Paul's Analysis: Omission of Roy Hobbs of The Natural in the top 50 a crime. Jimmy "Popeye Doyle" of The French Connection way too low at No. 44, as is Andrew Beckett of Philadelphia at No. 48. Clarice Starling at No. 6 is just as laughable as Finch. My god.
The Top 10 villains according to AFI:
1: Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs)
2: Norman Bates (Psycho)
3: Darth Vader (The Empire Strikes Back)
4: The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)
5: Nurse Ratched (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)
6: Mr Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)
7: Alex Forrest (Fatal Attraction)
8: Phyllis Dietrichson (Double Indemnity)
9: Reagan MacNeil (The Exorcist)
10: The Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
Paul's Analysis: Good call with the Wicked Witch. She was a skank. The shark in Jaws deserves higher than No. 18. Taxi Driver's Travis Bickle way too low at No. 30. That was a one-character movie, and it's still a classic. How in the world is there no Jason from the Friday the 13th films? And Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest should be wire hanger way higher than No. 41.
See entire top 50 lists in annoying .pdf form.
(If you have never heard of Hamburger: The Motion Picture and most of you have not except here you might be interested in this synopsis on Reel.com: "Typically moronic 80s teen sex comedy about wacky hijinks at Busterburger U., a school for fast-food employees. Critically panned but this might entertain genre fans seeking some very cheap laughs.")
When has the AFI ever made a perfect list?
Posted by Sonny Corleone at June 5, 2003 2:50 AM