The seats sold out quicker than Mo Vaughn could clean out a buffet, and getting through to Ticketmaster.com was harder than a virgin on Viagara.

Good thing for my pal Kevin, who says he has six tickets, including one with my name on it. Even if it falls through, I am going, one way or the other, with my Bernie Williams No. 51 jersey on my back and friends in tow.

Yankees vs. Cubs. It's like IBM vs. Tandy. Bud vs. Beast. McDonald's vs. Whataburger. The only problem is that I have nothing bad to say about either Chicago or the Cubs. Everyone I know from Chi-town is cool, and they say I'll love the Second City, where I have never visited. Hell, some of the most passionate PK.com fans I've ever heard from work there in a hospital. If I get in an accident, they might scrap mouth-to-mouth for mouth-to-south. And Cubs fans seem to represent what's right about sports. So, in order to fill my quotient of digs per post, I will simply say this: New Jersey is a stinking pile of crap.

I may have mentioned before that what I love most about the Internet is how is teaches me about people's behaviors. For example, how sex is the No. 1 interest among anonymous surfers. (That's funny, you wouldn't think that by the way people talk.) It's only through the Internet and the listing of Cubs-Yankees tickets on eBay that went up mere hours after sale did I understand what a hot ticket this gig was. Already tickets are going for $150-200 a clip to sit in a crappy seat for a baseball game, where the entertainment value varies between thrilling competition and four hours of ball-scratching.

One interesting part about ticket sales on eBay is that sellers are getting around illegal scalping by assigning premiums to throw-in items like this pair of $12 tickets that went for $250 because one 2002 Fleer Greats Dave Winfield baseball card was included. The disclaimer reads, "Any amount exceeding the face value of the tickets will be implicitly applied to the Dave Winfield baseball card auctioned with the tickets."

But, with a 65-year interval between matchups of two of the majors' most storied franchises (even though the Yanks have won 26 World Series since the Cubs won any), no price is too high to see Hideki Matsui crank one onto Waveland Ave. Or Jason Giambi. Or Bernie Williams. Or Derek Jeter. Or Jorge Posada. Or ... ah, forget it. We'll be back! These last two years have been torture. F the Mets. F the Red Sox. Long live King George and his bountiful supply of dead presidents.

( Special thanks to Lucy for alerting me to the sale date of Yanks-Cubs ducats. I owe you a beer. So let's shotgun it together at a tailgate party. If you win, we'll relinquish all 26 World Series titles since 1923.)

More Tickets Notes:

• I want tickets to Bruce Springsteen at Giants Stadium on July 15, 17 and 18. They go on sale March 1. I have 10 Bon Jovi tickets for Aug. 7 & 8 at Giants Stadium (section 123) to trade.

• I want tickets to Notre Dame at Syracuse on Dec. 6. I have 10 Bon Jovi tickets for Aug. 7 & 8 at Giants Stadium (section 123) to trade.

• I want tickets to N.Y. Giants at New Orleans Saints, date TBD in 2003. I'll pay an arm and a leg.

Other Spors Links

Koufax Cuts Ties With Dodgers; Newspaper Retracts Gossip Item — Remember when I wrote a couple of days ago about media conglomerates having their hands in various cookie jars? Well, Sandy Koufax wasn't happy that the New York Post insinuated he was gay, so he said "fuck you" to the fellow-FOX-owned Dodgers. Right on for conviction. And we've got some work to do as a people in erasing that stigma about being gay.

Yanks' Wells Used — and Uses — Drug That May Have Killed O's Pitcher — When the stakes are this high — in the millions of dollars per year — one tends to take risks. Anyone out there surprised?

Bechler's Teammate Threw Out Bottle of Pills — You don't think pro athletes don't know the consequences of dangerous performance-enhancing and physiological-changing drugs, stimulants, etc.? Think again.We're the ones who are just learning.