I'm pretty much fucked till Wednesday in terms of updating this site. Been procrastinating for too long on a major writing assignment for my real job, so I'll leave you with these thoughts till then. (Though I will look hard for a good Beat This Caption candidate on Tuesday.)

I know Bon Jovi is a punchline. I know it's easy to crack on '80s hair bands. I'm here to defend them. Jon Bon Jovi can sing. Richie Sambora can play guitar. David Bryan can play the keyboards. Better than anyone who reads this site can. And they can pack 16,000 people, or whatever a sold-out show holds, on a Monday night in the sewer known as New Jersey.

And so, to all the Bon Jovi detractors, I ask, What did you do Monday night? Did you drive a sold-out crowd wild? Make girls' panties wet? Did you even leave the house?

Here's why I respect musicians — as well as writers and comedians — as much as anyone. They create something out of nothing. Take nothing away from Tom Cruise but if he died someone else would read his lines. Musicians, on the other hand, take the same instruments that have been around for decades or more and create sounds that only they thought of. That's genius. Know why people were so broken up when Chris Farley died? Because no one else did that. It was over. Same with Kurt Cobain. Same with Phil Hartman. Obviously, same with John Lennon. What would music be like today if Buddy Holly had lived? Could you say the same for Halle Berry, should something tragic happen to the Oscar-winning actress? Look at something as seemingly robotic as HTML coders. Know what separates 1996 web design from 2003 web design? Ideas. That's it. Same tools, only someone came along with brighter ideas.

As my regulars know, I rail against hypocrisy and anonymity. That's why I will always defend Bon Jovi. They're perfect targets for Playstation 2 experts and hipsters who bash them online, but if anyone ever shared a wedding reception table with one of them, you might as well clear an hour out of your schedule to hear how cool it was to sit next to them. They play sold-out rock shows around the world. Flat out. I respect that.

Best exchange of the night, in the beer line:

Meathead: Yo, ladies, what's uuuuppp? (Ladies walk away.)

Paul: Dude, does that ever work? Like ever? Why not just get a lasso? (People in line laugh.)

Meathead: Yo, these fucking chicks are like so young here.

Paul: You should see the girl sitting on my left. I'm gonna ask if she needs help with her homework later. (People in line laugh.)

Meathead: Yo, ladies, what's uuuuppp? (Again, ladies walk away.)

Paul: My man, you're drinking beer through a straw. (I'm serious.) You're not gonna get shit out here.

Meathead: Yo, I get mad hook-ups. Mad.

Paul tells beer lady, "This is why I come to New Jersey, to meet morons like that." She doesn't laugh. Obviously from Jersey.