On the right is a picture of two of the funniest guys in New York. One makes a lot of money as Comedy Central's "Insomniac," and the other runs a website that attracts demented college kids who just got done watching it. (Had I known my left eye was nearly shut as this picture was being taken, I probably would have opened it. Perhaps I was distracted by Dave telling my friend, who was struggling with the automatic shutter, "You probably have to hold it down.")
Dave headlined the 12:30 a.m. show at Caroline's comedy club on Broadway Friday night, doing a 45-60 minute marathon set that concluded right around 3 a.m. He rocked, and he more than made up for the night's first performer, who got a merciful early hook after losing the crowd quickly and plummeting into a chorus of boos, an amateur showing by some people in the crowd, courageous enough to boo while lost in a dark room.
The middle performer was Patrice O'Neal, and he killed. (That's a good thing.) The perfect set; come on with flash and energy, hit 'em with your best stuff and leave the crowd thinking, "Man, if Dave is funnier than that, he's gonna be a riot."
Here were some trends:
• Everyone did jokes about midgets, masturbation and hooking up. No shock there
• Arabs took some hits, something I thought could have been avoided in NYC
• No one did smelly cab jokes, thankfully
• Comedy clubs need to refresh crowds on protocol: hoot, holler, but the show's not about you. If you break a comedian's rhythm with asinine call-outs, you're not helping
Best parts:
• The idiot blonde who raised her hand when asked if there was anyone from the Mideast in the crowd. When asked where she was from, she said, "Oklahoma." She was then asked if she could be any stupider, as Oklahoma isn't even in the Midwest, which wasn't the question to begin with. She was genuinely insulted and left early. Thanks for playing.
• Attell's "Tell Me What You're Drinking and I'll Tell You How Your Night Will End Up" bit is perfect comedy. It's interactive and has the appearance of being totally improvisational, even though the punch lines are clearly sorted by beer/hard liquor/pussy drink. So it doesn't matter whether someone yells Apple Martini or Cosmopolitan, you get the, "You're going to go home — alone — watch the Sex in the City and yell, 'That's so US!,' to an empty room."
• The emcee's distaste for Montrealeans' phony European attitude: "Hey, you're four hours from fuckin' Buffalo," and why he likes dating homeless chicks: "After sex, I can drop her off anywhere. 'Hey, we're home,'" and why he supports racial profiling at airports: "Hey, when a plane blows up, I don't think, 'Damn, those Scottish are at it again.'"
• O'Neal's fingering technique, and his criticism of a young stud wanna-be's two-fingered rapid-fire thrusting motion.
• Attell on why there are famous drunk writers but no pothead writers. "Because no one wants to read 500 words on how great a cheese sandwich is."
Admission, two-drink minimum and tip came to $50 a head, but it was worth it, considering hookers cost much more these days.
• Dave Attell's official website
