|
Ahmed was not receptive to participating in a Coke/Pepsi taste test
From Russia with love: Ill Mitch
Consider yourself lucky that Ronald's hand is cropped out
Can you guess who this future pro wrestler is? (Click for answer)
My, what big eyes you have Mrs. Clinton!
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor loss of four pints of blood will keep this USPS racer from finishing
Rosie's taken? Shit
Who doesn't love Fashion Week?
Brandy Flores
Zeke gets down at BikiniBreak.com
|
NYC LINKS
|
MurphGuide.com Anniversary Specials
New York's best online bar guide is celebrating five years of ruining our livers. Print out coupons to 40 NYC bars for MurphGuide appreciation week from Sept. 22-28.
Congratulations, Murph.
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Amy on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
NYsolo.com — Coordinates activities for busy New Yorkers. Use "Molly McMillan" as reference.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
|
|
A long time ago, a man dreamed up the idea of a touring circus of bare-chested, 'roid-raging mulletheads who would grapple each other in Speedos and knee-high leather boots. Back then we called it homoerotic fantasy. Today, it's known as professional wrestling.
I was huge wrestling fan when I was around 10-14 years old. Then I noticed the shirts of my female classmates were starting to poke out a bit, and I kinda liked it. So I told Hulk Hogan that I was going out for a bit, and that he shouldn't wait up for me.
Here are 10 of my favorite old-school wrestling personalities...
|
HILLBILLY JIM
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Dumb, country hick
Career Highlights: You may know him as the only wrestler whose hat was adorned with fishing lures, but I'll always remember Hillbilly Jim as the guy who came to the ring to the tune of "Don't Go Messin' With a Country Boy," which contained these priceless lyrics: "Mama filled my bottle from a moonshine still/my first meal was the bass he killed." I've never looked at someone from Kentucky the same way again.
Link: Interview with Hillbilly Jim
Listen to "Don't Go Messin' With a Country Boy"
|
|
SLICK
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Black pimp/street hustler
Career Highlights: Everyone looks back at the '80s with mild embarrassment, but imagine what Kenneth Johnson thinks of his work as Slick, the manager who came to the ring as "Jive Soul Bro" blared from the speakers with thousands of kids in the audience. Two props in the music video: fried chicken and watermelon. I am not kidding.
Link: Slick among WWF's top 10 managers ever
Link: More pics of Slick
|
|
ULTIMATE WARRIOR
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Crazy white guy on 'roids
Career Highlights: Once among the most-popular members of the WWF stable, the Ultimate Warrior was an animal who looked like he slept nights in a tanning bed. He had perhaps the most dramatic ring entrance ever, as he charged the ring to heavy metal guitar riffs, then shook the ropes like mad — as if an 8-year-old couldn't do the same thing.
Link: Ultimate Warrior wrestling gear in a box
|
|
IVAN PUTSKI
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Dumb Pollock
Career Highlights: Sporting one of the most hardened bodies of his day, Putski looked like he ate steroids for lunch and washed it down with a glass of testosterone. He holds the record for most televised arm wrestling matches — and most times getting his face rammed through the table after his opponent reached over to kick his stupid ass.
Link: Pictures of old-school Ivan Putski
|
|
CHIEF JAY STRONGBOW
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Spiritual and prideful Native American
Career Highlights: One of the most average-bodied WWF stars ever, I'm pretty sure I could've climbed between the ropes and kicked his old ass. Jay was a wily veteran who usually got whipped early in the match before going on the warpath and punishing his opponent with wussy chops to the chest.
Link: Chief Jay Strongbow bio
|
|
TED DiBIASE
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Rich white man with a black servant
Career Highlights: Known as the "Million Dollar Man," DiBiase played a hysterical character, always flaunting his collection of green paper. I saw a pretty funny segment of "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" in which Ted served Robin Leach worse food than his dog, and he chased away kids trying to sell cookies for charity. I think DiBiase may have even stolen the cookies. I loved it.
Link: Official Ted DiBiase website
|
|
IVAN KOLOFF
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Cold Russian villain
Career Highlights: Nothing says cold war like a hairy Russian with CCCP across his stomach beating an American senseless with a chain.
Link: Ivan Koloff's official website
Picture: Ivan Koloff in a suit
|
|
JUNKYARD DOG
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Poor black man with little smarts
Career Highlights: His theme song was "Another One Bites the Dust," but it should have been "Another Demeaning Role for Black Wrestlers." The guy was named for a rabid animal and he wore a collar around his throat. The only positive spin is that JYD actually won some matches, unlike S.D. "Special Delivery" Jones, who seemed only to be able to deliver one loss after another.
Link: Junkyard Dog bio
|
|
TITO SANTANA
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: Hot-tempered Mexican
Career Highlights: A perennial Intercontinental Title contender, Tito was known for yelling "Arriba!" at the end of every interview. Unfortunately, no one explained to Tito that winning the IC championship was akin to winning a hot dog eating contest. Nobody cared.
Link: Tito Santana bio
|
|
IRON SHEIK
|
|
Stereotype for Kids to Learn: U.S.-hating Iranian
Career Highlights: No relation to the Iron Chef, the Sheik took heat in arenas throughout the country, but remained a hero on the dusty streets on his homeland ... of Jersey City, N.J.
Link: Jasmin St. Claire meets the Iron Sheik
|
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Uncle Melon's Assessing Used Textbooks for Suitability — A hysterical guide for principals on whether a defaced textbook should be taken out of circulation. For example, if George Washington is shown passing wind on the Delaware, it's time to go.
* Sexy Calendar: Girls & Coffins — Nothing says I love you to death like posing in front of a box of bones. (Thanks Kevin)
* Ill Mitch — The greatest Russian export since Beluga caviar: a guy who came to America to do his three favorite things — "rap and ride on my skateboard and hit my boxing bag." (Thanks, Lenore)
* Molested Cars — Dedicated to the ultimate car crime: ruining the appearances of vehicles with add-ons. I expect a Hall of Shame wing dedicated entirely to Staten Island in the near future.
* How To Be a Porn Star — Not your typical article from The Weekly Standard, it's a roundup of tips from the Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation. For example, brushing your teeth on the day of a shoot "can leave bleeding gums, which can transmit HIV." And it is imperative to "remember which hand is yours when you're doing girl-girl." (Thanks, Larry)
* Alice TV Show — The Only Home Page on the Web — One man's shrine to the TV show. Let me repeat: man + shrine to Alice. Are you as scared as I am? Included are lyrics to four different Alice theme songs.
* Drive Me Insane — Enter the home of Paul Mathis from your computer, with which you can turn on and off his lights and music. No word on where he keeps his stash of porn.
* Geri Jewell's Concert: 'Same Walk, Different Streets' — Remember Cousin Geri from The Facts of Life? She's got a tape out that uses "her unique comedic talent to inspire appreciation of ability, diversity and human potential." I'll wait for the Lisa Whelchel version. She was much hotter.
THE SPORTSDESK
* What It's Like Being a Yankees Batboy — Rick Reilly exposes the myths of being part of a major-league experience: which basically is teenagers being taken advantage of by a company that makes millions. But as long as people have their noses up celebrities' asses, there will be kids who'll do laundry and get McDonald's for a pittance, just so they can say they were in the presence of someone else.
* Frazier, Not Ewing, Greatest Knick Ever — This was a common debate in NYC this past week, with the retirement of Patrick Ewing.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* So, Three Arabs Walk Into a Bar... — Super-conservative Ann Coulter's take on the arrest of three Muslims on Sept. 13 that shut down 20 miles of a Florida highway. Only the three guys know the intentions of their comments, but jokes about future attacks are about as funny as bomb threats. Coulter also claims that, by her count, the Muslims have given at least five versions of what happened.
THE NEWSDESK
* Robber steps in dog poo, lands in jail — Good thing O.J. never landed those Bruno Maglis in a pile of crap.
* Man slices off four body parts — If you count each testicle, it really comes to five.
* Three Nabbed in LIRR Sex Romp — What's the most fun a wife, her husband and her brother-in-law (!) can have on the Long Island Railroad? Around 25 of passengers found out. (Thanks, Omar)
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Brandy Flores — Muscle and Fitness cover gal.
* Buffalo Thong — Real gals in real public settings showing if their real underwear.
* Bikini Break — Zeke runs a fun site with tons of photos of his experiences at Lake Havasu and Las Vegas.
* Christy V — Much better than Rocky V.
KID ROCK LYRICS OF THE WEEK
This sample from the Shakespeare of white trash comes from the song "Born 2 B A Hick."
See I was born a little pie-eyed motherfucker
Mamma she left me and my pappa was a hard trucker
Out on the highway we loved to roll
He never made me go to school. I never begged to go
I was a low class livin raised out in the sticks
I was born to be a hick
Amen to that, Bob Ritchie.
PARTING SHOT
Who says threre's no use of hands in soccer?
NEXT WEEK
Not sure what next week's topic will be, but I can always use some help.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
|
