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Baptism at the Beer Church
This man uses pot for medical purposes only
Britney just raided the Village People's wardrobe
Eminem says hello to his favorite "36-year-old bald-headed fag"
Chargers fans are really desperate this year
Read an interview with one of these guys from Nelson. Not sure which one
Carol Grow
Karen Cogz' site has a brand new look
This week's interview is with Lisa Menuto
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NYC LINKS
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MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
NYsolo.com — Coordinates activities for busy New Yorkers. Use "Molly McMillan" as reference.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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The most crucial part of any dinner date is when the check comes. After lying about your education, salary and sexual history, you can't be pulling out a wad of ones, as if you just came back from the Jiggly Room. To present yourself as a real man, get out the plastic (and make sure a condom doesn't fall out of the wallet with it). Here are 10 credit cards to consider when paying for a date...
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10. HARLEY DAVIDSON VISA CARD
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Details: Hand this card to any waiter in New York, and he'll be sure to get the tax right ... else you'll beat his pansy ass with a pipe. It also shows that you've got back-up in case he's not drowning in his own blood after 10 minutes.
Deals: 10% off those shirts that read "THE BITCH FELL OFF" and 15% off medical bills stemming from bar fights.
Link: Apply for the Free Ride Sweepstakes!
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RAINBOW VISA CARD
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Details: Need to escape a bad blind date in a hurry? Pull out this chick repellant and she'll be calling a cab in no time. For added repulsion, moan about how waiters really don't deserve more than a 10% tip.
Deals: 20% off all Liberace CDs and first shots at Bette Midler concert tickets.
Link: Apply for the Rainbow card
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AOL VISA CARD
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Details: You've got mail ... and no chance of getting laid with this thing lurking in your wallet. Tough to sign on the back, thanks to the presence of 12 ads. Also may disappear in the next six months.
Deals: 1000% off all charges for the first 30 days!
Link: Apply for the AOL card
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SYRACUSE ALUMNI MASTERCARD
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Details: Show the world you're a product of an institution known simply as "The Harvard of Central New York." You'll instantly be the target of alumni from Albany, Oneonta, Cortland and Ithaca, who will be eager to share their stories of party road trips to SU. Like you care.
Deals: 15% off "NCAA Basketball Champions" T-shirts printed up before the 1987 and '96 finals.
Link: Apply for the Syracuse alumni card
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KISS VISA CARD
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Details: Show your gal that you've never escaped the '70s with this gem, featuring four middle-aged men in clown paint and spandex. Don't tell her you ran out of cash from buying the KISS Kasket, KISS Kondoms and KISS Army thong panties.
Deals: Free air miles to KISS' next three farewell tours.
Link: Apply for the KISS card
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WCW VISA MASTERCARD
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Details: A lot of phonies try to impress their dates by quoting Faulkner or Nietzsche. But every gal secretly wants a guy who can quote former WCW champion Hulk Hogan. Try it like this: "I'm gonna take care of that check, brother!"
Deals: 10% off your next pair of neon yellow Speedos and matching boots
Link: Apply for the WCW card
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CATS CREDIT CARD
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Details: Ah, what woman doesn't like cats? Judging from my view of hundreds of neighboring apartments, none. Show your mate that you're also into pussies with this ultra-feminine card that'll make you the laughing stock of the town. But you might actually get to first base with whatever librarian would actually appreciate this card.
Deals: Comes with the book "How to Date a Cat Lover Who Hasn't Been Out With a Guy in 10 Years"
Link: Apply for the Cats card
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STAR TREK VISA CARD
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Details: If you own this card, there's little chance you know any women, let alone date them. But if you do happen to pull the miracle of all miracles and drag some Trekette with jet black hair, glasses and the fashion sense of ALF out of her cave, this thing will help you seal the deal.
Deals: 10% off porn. You're gonna need it.
Link: apply for the Star Trek card
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NASCAR VISA CARD
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Details: Yeeee-haw! It's time to pick up the check at Applebee's, Sizzler or any of those other god-awful chains with a sticker on Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s car. Tell your little lady, "It's OK. Those succulent chicken fingers are on me."
Deals: 20% off getting your mullet trimmed at Jim Bob's Barber Shop.
Link: Apply for the NASCAR card
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YAHOO! VISA CARD
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Details: Women like a man who's not afraid to commit. And what better why to show that you know what you want than to express your total, unconditional love for ... a search engine? You'll go from dud to stud in no time.
Deals: 10% off Yahoo! stock, which closed at $10.29 Friday, down from a split-adjusted high of $432.69 in December 1999.
Link: Apply for the Yahoo! card
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RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Triumph the Dog WAVs — Download audio of our favorite insult comic dog, who almost got pooped on by Eminem's bodyguards last week.
* 20 Questions With Matthew Nelson — Metal Sludge gets the dirt from one half of perhaps the most made fun of band of the '80s. He admits to having worn a weave and getting various forms of plastic surgery done. But his wife is Fredrick's of Hollywood model Yvette, so now I will now practice my guitar till I pass out. Also check out Metal Sludge's recent scavenger hunt.
* Cynthia P. Caster's Merchandise — You know the legend, the inspiration for KISS' "Plaster Caster." She takes, um, molding of rock stars' shafts. And now you can buy a life-size cast of Jimi Hendrix' schlong. Damn, where did I put that barf bag? (Thanks, Shannon)
* Gary Coleman Has a Posse — You've heard of the Obey Giant Movement? This is more like the Obey Midget Movement.
* Fly Delta Commercial (Animated Ghetto Version) — A parody of an airline commercial that be flyin' all up around this biatch. (Size: 1 MB)
* Krispy Kreme's 2001 Calendar — So I'm a year late and you can see the joke coming from a mile away, but this is a ton of fun. Actually, several tons.
* The Beer Church — Because beer is good ... and you are worthy. It's Homer Simpson's favorite site. Hell, it's probably O.J. Simpson's favorite site.
* The Official Site of the British Monarchy — No joke needed here. Unless you care about royalty.
* A Collection of Word Oddities and Trivia — Here's another oddity: I got 15,000 people a week coming to a web site that sucks.
* Holy trilogy of the 'Karate Kid' — The Sports Guy defends the greatest movie ever made about a young man who dresses as a shower for Halloween, a maintenance man with a shitload of antique cars and a sensei whose testosterone level is the sum of Rambo's, the Terminator's and Bea Arthur's.
* Top Five Moments at MTV's VMA — TIME's Josh Tyrangiel on Jacko's "award," Shakira's ass and whoever the hell they called Guns 'N Roses. But the laugh-out-loud portion is right here: "Rap has had plenty of feuds over the years, and they've all been idiotic. But at least past instigators had the guts to pick on other rappers who were physically imposing. Tupac ridiculed the 6-4 300-pound Notorious B.I.G. Nas went after the much-larger Jay-Z. Eminem picked on a scrawny vegan pacifist DJ — and a handpuppet. Very bold."
FULL DISCLOSURE
Interviews with fellow webmasters. Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
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LisaMenuto.com
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Like the New York Yankees, PK.com is blessed to have the top talent scouts in the biz (whatever biz this is, exactly). A few weeks ago, my ace lookout in St. Petersburg, Fla., sent word that a model he's friendly with would be interested in doing an interview. I needed maybe four seconds to mull it over after seeing Lisa Menuto's site. Here's how it went...
PK.com: What has been your most fun modeling experience?
LISAMENUTO.com: I love live promotions and beach shoots. I love to be moving and doing things, which is why I make a pretty crappy secretary. :)
READ ENTIRE INTERVIEW >>>
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GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: What do you think about a woman if she initiates the first contact (phone call, e-mail, etc.)?
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I would think she's interested in me and doesn't want to risk not getting together thanks to some childish cat 'n mouse dating rules, all based on insecurity.
If you haven't learned in the past year (9/11, coal miners, abducted children) that life is too short to waste on your couch thinking about what might have been, there's no hope. Take a chance, damn it.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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THE SPORTSDESK
* Sports Nut: Randall Cunningham Belongs in the Hall of Fame — He should be in the Hall simply for torturing my Giants in the late '80s and early '90s. Three MVPs? Jeez, how could he not get in?
* Best College Football Teams of All Time — The 1971 'Huskers get the nod, while their '95 counterparts settle for No. 3. I don't know how the 1993 Seminoles weren't even considered but the '99 club was.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Getting it Right at Ground Zero — In an essay for TIME, Rudy Giuliani calls for all 16 acres to be used as a memorial. I'm cynical by nature, but I think that's too easy of a call for an already gone politician. It's like calling for more money to be spent on public education — without pointing out what should get less money. Thousands of jobs and billions of dollars at stake, and unfortunately, giving all of that up is not going to bring anyone back. Here's to finding the right balance.
* The Sound of Silence — A Newsweek columnist condemns New York City for what he calls uninspired tribute plans for September 11. What does he want, Toby Keith singing about putting boots in people's asses?
THE NEWSDESK
* Lobsters, caviar and brandy for MPs at summit on starvation — This is an easy one, 'cause it's not like world leaders are going to dine on Big Macs, but you gotta love the headline.
* Man Accused in Wedgie Case — Before going for the waistband, check for weapons.
* Arizona State University's Student Union VP in Porno Film — Is it any wonder why this school has a rep for big-time partying? Now let's get Dick Cheney in there.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* FHM Girls Wallpaper — Now you'd have to be the kind of guy who never brings home a woman to display chicks on your computer screen, but these are among the best wallpapers I've ever seen.
* Pick Your Favorite Houston Texas cheerleaders — Are you ready for some football ... babes? Why can't the friggin' Giants have cheerleaders?
* Carol Grow — Frederick's of Hollywood model. So hot.
* Karen Cogz — The Long Island-based beauty has a whole new site and a weekly diary.
PERSONAL PICS
If anyone cares, I've got a couple of pics from from New Orleans and some shots of the MTV Music Awards from my office across the street. (Click for larger pic.)
The Tropical Isle at Bourbon and Toulouse
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New Yorker Mark meets Middle America
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Awaiting the MTV Music Awards
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Pretty much the same shot
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Cops survey the Sixth Ave. scene
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Send your link suggestions now.
NEXT WEEK
Coming soon will be classic jump the shark moments.
Send your link suggestions now.
HEY, MAN, IT'S JUST A JOKE
A penguin is driving through Palm Springs on a hot summer's day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it's leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk.
He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot since he's a penguin and its Palm Spring in the summer, after all. He sits down at the counter and starts in on his ice cream. Of course he has no hands so it is rather messy. By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth — a total mess.
He walks back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No no," says the penguin. "It's just ice cream."
PARTING SHOT
Open letter to the Atlanta Braves. Please return to New York in October so we can sweep you out of town again.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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