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Looks like someone should've gone to the bathroom BEFORE the weightlifting competition
He's baaack! Well, not really
Pretty much the only bad thing that can happen to you during a ping-pong match
This was found in the "fashion" section of the 1971 Sears catalog
Look, I know her music sucks. I just don't care
Can you guess this future rocker?
Haley's back
Jennifer Chamberlin and I both have six-packs. Only mine is in the fridge
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NYC LINKS
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MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
NYsolo.com — Coordinates activities for busy New Yorkers. Use "Molly McMillan" as reference.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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In the 20th century, the world was made a better place thanks to great discoveries and ideas: Jonas Salk's polio vaccine, Dwight Eisenhower's U.S interstate highway system, Babe Ruth's Curse of the Bambino. But all pale in comparison to the greatest invention ever: an illuminated box that could project into your living room images of Florida trailer-park trash being jailed for domestic disturbance. The invention, of course, is the television, born decades before high-level execs at FOX put the stamp on "Cops" and pretty much sealed the fate of the network as the biggest pile of crap on earth.
Presenting my favorite TV shows ever. (And again, I will ask for your comments in the message board, and again you will be ungrateful S.O.B. and not admit to visiting here.)
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10. CHiPS
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Why It's Great: It was only loosely-based on reality, because it's not too often you see a Latino arresting white people in L.A. But it was still a cool after-school program that taught me that good will always overcome evil and that Larry Wilcox's career was pretty much finished after playing second-fiddle to a guy named Ponch.
Link: Download CHiPS sounds, including the theme
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9. INTIMATE PORTRAIT: JUDITH LIGHT
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Why It's Great: This is a joke, of course, since I avoid the Lifetime channel like a Mets fan with the clap. But every time I skip past channel 12, I see the woman who single-handedly tried to ruin "Who's the Boss" in some lame chick-empowerment movie like "A Step Toward Tomorrow" and "Betrayal of Trust." That's some heavy stuff.
Link: Lifetime's Judith Light page
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8. ANY C-SPAN SHOW
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Why It's Great: I don't always watch TV to be entertained. Sometimes, I just want to catch some shut-eye, and when I do, it's straight to C-SPAN for the latest 60-minute thriller. Maybe it's a fixed-camera replay of a White House dinner or a symposium on editing children's books. Either way, I'm out like a light in two minutes.
Link: Booknotes
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7. MATCH GAME
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Why It's Great: Before I knew what the term "flaming homosexual" meant, there was Charles Nelson Reilly on my TV filling in the following: "I didn't have a thermometer, so I decided to take his temperature with my [BLANK]."
Link: "Match Game" fan site
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6. MTV'S REAL WORLD
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Why It's Great: I either skip a season or I get hooked on it, and it usually depends on how hot the women are and how often they sleep around. Or, as in the cases of Flora from Miami and Montana from Boston, if I want to someday throw acid in their faces.
Link: PK's favorite Real World cast members
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5. THE DUKES OF HAZZARD
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Why It's Great: Two parts hick brothers, one part Cooter, two parts bumbling lawmen and one part piece of ass — and a whole audience full of tobacco-spitters. The only thing wrong with that picture is that they could have fit in another piece of ass.
Link: Cooter for Congress!
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4. SEINFELD
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Why It's Great: Everything about it was perfect: the acting, the writing, the fast-paced direction. Hell, even the city. And a few episodes made mention of the world champion Yankees. Let's see those dicks at Cheers pull that off.
Link: "The Seinfeld Menace" movie poster
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3. THE MAN SHOW
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Why It's Great: Beer, midgets, big-breasted models, heckling 12-year-olds. It's the TV version of PK.com, though I must say that its web site sucks so hard I don't even link to it. Last week's skit of an anti-protein stain commercial was classic. They can be so embarrassing at church.
Link: iFilm's The Man Show showcase
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2. CRANK YANKERS
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Why It's Great: A truly laugh-out-loud show that's a cross between the Muppets and the Jerky Boys. I'm not much into prank calls, and I thought the Jerky Boys got tiring, but I absolutely love Crank Yankers. Maybe it's just the sight of puppets making calls while on the toilet, barfing, burping or any of the other high-brow humor I love so much.
Link: Crank Yankers official site (it's solid)
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1. YANKEES BASEBALL
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Why It's Great: The only show I've watched 20 years running, it's a constant companion from April through October (that's right, through October) even if it's just on in the background while I'm at a bar or practicing guitar or searching the Net for sites about potted meat products.
Link: 2001 Best Sports City: New York
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RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Auction: Bon Jovi Yearbook — Your give hair styles a bad name, my man. (Thanks, Kevin)
* Amish Heat — Chicks with sticks and hot butter-churning action. Be careful visiting this site at work!
* Pass it Around at Work — A collection of Flash games and cartoons that are a helluva lot better use of your time than returning clients' phone calls.
* The Potted Meat Food Product Page — The folks at Armour came up with the salivating concoction of Beef tripe, beef hearts and chicken. Coming soon: cherry flavor!
* Guillotine — Heads are gonna roll in this game, and you get to cut the rope. Do the deed on such hateables as Christina Aguilera, David Blaine and Kelly Osbourne. Hey. where's Mo Vaughn?
* Work Nickname Generator — Find out what coworkers call you behind your back. Then spit in their coffee tomorrow morning.
* The Food Timeline — Place these three foods in the order of their origin: tacos, donuts, White Castle hamburgers. Now in order of how much you'd weigh if you ate a steady diet of each.
* The Brace Archive — A site for people infatuated with leg braces, knee braces and neck braces. People like you! Do not miss the guestbook, providing a look into the world of brace fans that will send your jaw to the floor.
* Catchin' Up With Fred Berry — PEOPLE magazine tracks down the former "What's Happening" star, now 51, who said that alcohol and drug abuse left him "empty inside." Could've fooled me. (Thanks, Jim)
* It Came From the 1971 Sears Catalog! — Thirty-nine scanned pages from the 1,600-page catalog whose styles have certainly not stood the test of time.
GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: How can I meet decent, available men? Now that I am in my early 30's, there doesn't really seem to be many options (for example, everyone seems to be in a relationship). Help?
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Sometimes I think you have to put some work into meeting someone worthwhile, and sometimes I think it's just blind luck and not worth the stress.
If you live in a cosmopolitan area, there are still too many single people to count. People settle down much sooner in rural areas, as they usually shack up with the first person with a full set of teeth.
The only indisputable fact is that you're not going to meet someone sitting at home. Try doing a little of everything: some night classes, after-work happy hours, sports leagues, social group outings. But no one ever got any action by watching reruns of "The Practice," so get the hell out of the house.
If you set a realistic goal, like meeting as many new people — male and female — as possible, then you have increased your chances of meeting or being introduced to someone special immensely. Most of all, don't look for the right people in the wrong places. You'll meet people with like interests only if you continue to do what you like to do. Like going to strip clubs.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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THE SPORTSDESK
* Olbermann calls for Reds' GM's head after 9/11 remark — Jim Bowden likened a potential MLB players' strike to the attacks of 9/11. Stupid. But something he should lose his career over? No way.
* Seating at Little League fields to keep parents away from game — The best L.L. stadiums are built with the bleachers in the outfield instead of near the dugouts, to keep raging parents from disrupting a kids' game. Incredible.
* Ten days in hell with the Bear — "Junction Boys" author Jim Dent on Bear Bryant's legendary, grueling 1954 Texas A&M training camp in which the players showed up in two buses and left in one: "Today, Bryant might be jailed for what he subjected the players to some fifty years ago." Gimme John Wooden's approach over this any day.
* The best of Neil Leifer — A collection of the famous Sports Illustrated photog's best work, including the shot of Muhammad Ali over Sonny Liston that is widely regarded as the greatest sports photo ever taken.
* Greatest gloves at each MLB position — ESPN.com's Rob Neyer rates the best fielders of all-time. The only thing I don't understand is how one can judge the fielding of Vic Power, Clete Boyer and Bill Mazeroski when he's never even seen them.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Bin Laden alive, preparing attack — Whenever I read that he is alive, I get hopeful that his ass would be brought to NYC.
THE NEWSDESK
* Record-breaking burp attempt runs into hiccup — "Training" includes eating a lot of spicy food. I'm sure his ass is grateful for the career choice.
* 115 jailed at Atlanta party with live sex — "Officer, arrest this woman ... right after I'm done."
* Commuter dies as train makes regular stops — "Next stop Southboro, on our way to your final destination, heaven."
* Ask Jeeves searches for "boy scouts" bring up gay porn ads — You should see what happens when you search for "priest." (Thanks, Brad)
* Decline in nudists threatens tourist attraction — Gone are the days when 14,000 nudists would visit Munich's central park on a daily basis. What is this world coming to?
* New Jersey mystery blobs partially explained — And here I thought Nell Carter lived in Miami.
* KISS takes back farewell — Looks like KISS will be hitting the road again, validating my joke a couple of weeks ago that they've had four farewell tours.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Cowgirl Haley — A new update from our favorite Texas gal
* Jennifer Chamberlin — Fitness babe to make you feel fat.
* Club Rubber's Naughty School Girl Night — It's good to be bad.
NEXT WEEK
I'm not sure yet what I'll do next week.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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