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Araft Cheese Snacks are a hit with young terrorists in training
I can only think of one thing: Is that robe stolen from a hotel?
Let's see Tyson take a bite outta that blood-ball
When you're with KISS groupies ... wear a lot of 'em
I think he just realized that a kick to the face isn't going to stop a tank
Use of hands is illegal in soccer, unless the opponent is wearing a toxic-waste green uniform
Spider-Man body paint. That's certainly no super schlong
KISS fan Celeste as Ace Frehley. Hold the mayo ... for good
Some of the scenery from the Valentine's Costume Ball
Meriah Nelson
Jennifer Korbin
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NYC LINKS
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MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
NYsolo.com — Coordinates activities for busy New Yorkers. Use "Molly McMillan" as reference.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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I did an April 2001 update on celebrity lookalikes, and since People magazine drags out the same tired annuals (50 Most Beautiful, Most Eligible Bachelors, yada-yada-yada), I thought I'd revisit one of my favorite topics a little more than a year later.
(Raise your hand of you ever thought this site would last one full year, let alone two.)
The following are just some of the impersonators promoting themselves on the web.
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The Un-JOHNNY CARSON
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Can Be Spotted At: Retirement homes, hospitals and bingo parlors
Talents: The next time you're entertaining a roomful of guests with one foot in the grave, spice up the show with a monologue peppered with such pop-culture references as Desi Arnaz, "Father Knows Best" and Engelbert Humperdinck.
Link: Carson impersonator Jim Malmberg's website
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The Un-ROSANNE
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Can Be Spotted At: Fast food conventions
Talents: What better way to scare your clients than by bringing in someone with an annoying voice, an annoying husband and more skeletons than the Tri-State Crematory in north Georgia?
Link: Roseanne lookalike
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The un-MONICA LEWINSKY
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Can Be Spotted At: Republican fund-raisers
Talents: Giving us all a chance to relive one of the most embarrassing political periods in American history. Fun!
Link: More photos of the un-Monica
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The un-GEORGE W. BUSH
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Can Be Spotted At: Hopefully nowhere near a big city
Talents: Attracting assassins, apparently. Who'd want to walk around looking like the second most-targeted man in the world in a time of war?
Link: Brent Mendenhall as the Shrub
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The un-"STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN
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Can Be Spotted At: My apartment, getting his ass kicked
Talents: I don't know too many parents who'd hire a beer-drinking ruffneck for a birthday party, but I would definitely hire this guy just so I could smash a folding chair across his back.
Link: Carbon Copies' Stone Cold
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The Un-COLIN POWELL
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Can Be Spotted At: The side of Risk players
Talents: Having trouble deciding which country to invade in your quest for world supremacy? (Remember, the one who kills more men wins!) Bring in the guy who helped turn Afghanistan into a pile of sand. Wait, it's been like that forever.
Link: The misspelled "Colon" Powell
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The un-TROY AIKMAN
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Can Be Spotted At: Jails, visiting the impersonators of Michael Irvin, Nate Newton, et al.
Talents: Dismissing gay rumors, just like during his playing days. A good hire for any recovery clinic, as Aikman was used to being the only sober person among a team of 50.
Link: Aikman lookalike
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The un-DON KNOTTS
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Can Be Spotted At: Those hugely popular "Three's Company" fan conventions
Talents: Acting like a bumbling Santa Monica landlord, which is always high in demand. Rarely have I been to a kickin' party where someone didn't say, "Hey, all these hookers, coke and booze are great, but what we really need now is a guy who does a great Barney Fife."
Link: Don Knotts lookalike
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The un-MARK McGWIRE
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Can Be Spotted At: Your local drug store, loading up on Andro
Talents: Have this guy come to your next softball game, and if he doesn't bow out with lower-back pain, he'll put on a display of power unseen since your last at-bat. Make sure you order the 1998 McGwire and not the 1991 version (.201 batting average in 483 at-bats).
Link: Mark McGwire impersonator
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The Un-ALEXANDER HAMILTON
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Can Be Spotted At: Your neighborhood duel
Talents: The headline on Hal Bidlack's site screams, "Why Should Your Organization Host an Alexander Hamilton Event?" ... Exactly. (But I must say that Alex is the Father of Capitalism whose influences shaped New York and America. Right on.)
Link: Hal Bidlack as Alexander Hamilton
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RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* The New York City Blogger Map — See where NYC's bloggers reside by clicking on various subway stops. I'm one of 11 so far at the red line's 72 Street station.
* Ass-O-Tron — Run any website through this script to have it rendered with mooning people all over the page.
Ass-O-Tron examples:
* Bikini Bandits — Sexy sirens take on evil forces, making sure not to get tripped up by fancy super-hero costumes.
* Top 10: Worst Comedians Ever — I don't necessarily agree with the ranking — how can there be four people on the planet less funny than Carrot Top? — but I thought this list might spur some debate.
* The May 2002 KISS Girls — Interviews with and pictures of the biggest female KISS fans. (And in some cases, we really mean "big.") But some ain't bad, and none are ugly enough for Ace to kick out of bed.
* Which music-sharing service is right for you? — Slate examines the current state of P2P programs. As a veteran of Napster and Morpheus, I have found Kazaa to be just as reliable for stealing.
* The Farting Doughboy — Poke the little fella and hear him roar ... from his ass. Try this at the office and see how quickly your coworkers call HR. (Thanks, Marvin)
FULL DISCLOSURE
Interviews with fellow webmasters. Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
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MurphGuide.com
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This week we chat with Murph of MurphGuide.com, a great resource for party people in New York. The concept is simple but effective: each day Murph highlights the best bar specials and promotions around town, and he sends out a weekly mailing list with events that warrant a little more advance notice.
In this interview, Murph sheds some light on how the site works for users and for his bank account.
PK.com: Let's be hypothetical here and say that I choose what parties/events to attend based on the number of hot, horny broads that will be there. Assuming that was the case, which MurphGuide.com events should I attend?
MURPHGUIDE.com: OK, hypothetically, the summer cruises are teeming with h.h.b.'s. One year, it was 70 percent female. Unfortunately, we ended up with a lot of angry women on that boat, so now I try to keep the ratio 50-50. My happy hour party at Coda on June 18 should be a good one, too. $5 Cosmos attracts the ladies.
Read the entire interview >>>
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GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: Wouldn't most guys be glad to have this type of relationship: A girl to hang out with, grab lunch occasionally, have casual sex with, be allowed to date others when you want, no relationship commitment, someone to go out and party with, etc.
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Yes, most guys would be glad to have that kind of relationship. But it's not exactly the Holy Grail: I'm a bigger fan of regular sex than an occasional booty call. But I don't think anyone in the City That Never Sleeps or Stops Receiving Terror Threats is going to turn down a little innocent fun. Still, this sounds a bit like playing with fire. Someone is bound to get hurt when the phone stops ringing — if there's no emotion, how could the sex be any good? — but I guess that's life.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Selling Sept. 11 — You can see the punchline coming from a mile away in this Flash cartoon from Mark Fiore, but it's a good example of how the web has redefined political cartoons.
* Would Mohamed Atta Object to Armed Pilots? — Ann Coulter supports the idea of armed pilots and responds to concerns that a terrorist could wrest the handgun away: "Whatever could go wrong at that point — a wounded passenger, a hole in the side of the plane, terrorists wresting control of the gun — is better than the alternative."
THE NEWSDESK
* Yasser Arafat cheese snack is a hit — See if you can find the toy surprise: a bomb that sheds teenage blood in nightclubs.
* Stripper mom poses for Playboy.com — Remember the woman whose daughter was suspended from Christian school because she was a stripper? Me, neither. Well, anyway, she found another place to show her faith.
* Principal denies disabled senior graduation walk — Citing safety concerns, dweeb destroys dream of woman who was paralyzed in 1999.
* Fla. county makes '23' a passing grade — This reminds me of when I scored a 7 on a quiz in college. I asked the professor if that was out of 10. Nope, 100.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Jennifer Korbin — I wish this Playboy Girl next door lived next door to me. Hell, I'll even pay the rent. No pets, no boyfriends.
* Valentine's Costume Ball — Pictures from the Feb. 16, 2002 party at The Grove in Anaheim, Calif. (Thanks, Kevin)
* Meriah Nelson — The California model describes herself as "independent, determined, passionate, emotional, intense and adventurous." She forgot "hot."
NEXT WEEK
No clue at all what I'm doing next week.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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