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Captain Mark from the Who's on First booze cruise (click for pics)
Ozzy must be a total chick magnet at the beach
All the other Hawaiian Tropic girls had food poisoning
No one ever accused soccer fans of being smart. If they were, they'd watch football
Early morning exercise, Chinese dictatorship style
You think they look good here? Wait till they're served with fries
Is it bright in here, or is this just another fucked up Middle Eastern practice?
I can honestly say that I would turn down Cindy Margolis tomorrow. Of course, she's eight months pregnant
Jules Asner, one of my faves
Paola Righetti, no relation to Dave
The lovely Shannon Nowak answers some questions for PK.com this week
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NYC LINKS
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MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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Television history has been in the news lately, thanks to NBC's 75th anniversary special and TV Guide's list of the top 50 shows of all time.
So what better time to come out with list of the worst television programs ever. (It's getting kinda late, so I'll have to stop at 8.) Feel free to post two more in the message board.
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8: COP ROCK
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Why it Sucks: The only explanation for this show ever airing is that Hollywood was too coked up after the '80s to come up with any ideas for 1990. Someone had to have spiked the punch for whatever focus group agreed that a show about singing cops would work 39 years after West Side Story, when pansies on patrol could be tolerated.
Link: When did Cop Rock jump the shark?
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7: METS BASEBALL
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Why it Sucks: Just around the dial from the 26-time world champion Yanks is minor league baseball from Queens. And they play like 'em, too. It's been many years since the Mutts had the better of New York's teams, and The Golden Girls was a top-10 show the last time they won a championship. 1986 was really fucked up.
Link: Relive 2000 World Series, when the Yanks cruised past the Mets
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6: ANTIQUES ROADSHOW
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Why it Sucks: What is unknown is whether the term antiques in the title refers to the junk that gets appraised or the fossils who bring them in. What is known in that this show is more boring than a lecture on British royalty. Antiques RoadShow serves two purposes: 1) to give 90-year-old olds one last piece of good news before they die; and 2) inspiring Midwesterners to keep hoarding possessions decades after they've been used.
Link: Antiques Roadshow board game (shoot me)
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5: SHOP AT HOME
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Why it Sucks: Formerly hosted by loud, mullet-sporting hillbilly host Don West, this show blatantly misrepresents the value of its sports collectibles to sucker its late-night, drunk audience. Shame on people who are smart enough to produce television shows yet swindle their way to profits by flat-out lying. I'd love to run into this guy someday.
Link: Buy a Derek Jeter autographed 8x10 (worth $50) for $299 | Don West dance page | Don West Appreciation Page
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4: REVEALED WITH JULES ASNER
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Why it Sucks: The most shocking part of this saccharine celebrity interview show is that it lasts sixty minutes. Where does Jules (who I always liked, by the way) find an hour's worth of softball questions to lob to celebrities whose lives might not seem so interesting to the viewers if they'd get off the couch and stop watching celebrity interview shows.
Link: Jules Asner pictures
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3: XFL
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Why it Sucks: It was billed as football the way fans wanted it. But there weren't enough cheerleader crotch shots to make up for the lack of talent and cohesion, setting the XFL up to air the lowest-rated program in network primetime history. How did the XFL expect to appeal to knowledgeable sports fans, like me, by pumping up talent that we'd already seen fail in a more talented league?
Link: XFL tribute site
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2: HOLLYWOOD SQUARES
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Why it Sucks: I'll take Richard Simmons to block ... this show off the air forever. With its canned jokes, canned laughter and B-list celebs who've had their careers canned, this show supplies all of the boredom of tic-tac-toe with the added annoyance of wisecracks from Jm J. Bullock and Alf.
Link: Hollywood Squares Quotes | Jm J. Bullock: Were is he now?
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1: ONE DAY AT A TIME
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Why it Sucks: What's funnier than a sitcom situated in Indianapolis whose storylines center around 1970s women's lib? Everything. I've seen war documentaries that have made me laugh more than this crappy show about three women who are out to make it one their own — even though Schneider is the one who does everything.
Link: Picture of Bonnie Franklin with drag queen
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You may also be interested in seeing Jeff Scott's list of top 10 worst TV shows ever. Who's Jeff Scott? Beats the hell outta me, but he makes an excellent point concerning The Golden Girls.
WHO'S ON FIRST BOOZE CRUISE PHOTOS
This past Saturday, I went on the Who's on First Cuatro de Mayo booze cruise aboard the Half Moon, known affectionately by me as The Floating Lawsuit.
Anyway, I snapped some pics of Manhattan's gorgeous skyline and thought you might want to take a peek.
See all the pictures...
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* In Praise of the Missionary Position — Rebecca Archer's essay in Nerve.com is probably going to get her a lot of fan mail.
* PageSix.com snaps pics of Ozzy snorkeling — I don't think there's any question over whether he scared all the fish away.
* Private wrestling with Hollywood — What could possibly be worth $225 for a half hour that doesn't involve sex? Sounds like the perfect opportunity for a sleeper hold, followed by a piledriver.
* List of magazines banned by U.S. Department of Defense — Don't even think of sending G.I. Joe that used copy of Black Heat, Fifty Plus or Butt Lust. (Thanks, Dave)
* Streakers Hall of Fame — Unofficial HOF induction site for drunk Brits who manage to spice up soccer, snooker and whatever other stupid pastimes they have other there.
* 2002 Webby Award Nominees — I drank champagne on the roof of a Madison Avenue Armani store the last time these babies were announced. Live models replace mannequins there — I'm not kidding.
* Photos: Miss Jumbo Queen Contest — If they were sold in McDonald's, they call 'em Quarter-Ton Pounders.
* Toronto's Fourth Annual Masturbate-a-thon — I hear Hugh G. Rection is the "master" of ceremonies.
* iToilet — The latest product in Life Savers color design.
FULL DISCLOSURE
Interviews with fellow webmasters. Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
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GoShannon.com
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This week we chat with the multi-dimensional Shannon Nowak, who I originally noticed online while searching for hot models to link to. She fit the bill nicely.
It turns out she's an actress, an entrepreneur, a collector of pop culture memorabilia and a writer. If only she was a Yankees fan, I'd say she was perfect. In our interview, we chat about some of the items in her collection, find out she's seen Dumb & Dumber and discuss my underwear. (That chick has a one-track mind, I tell ya.)
PK.COM: Your site is more than just T&A, which really would have been enough for me. What else can one expect to find at Planet Shandar?
GOSHANNON.COM: Thanks, Paul! (I think!) My site was originally built to showcase a skin-care line I've been developing for the past three years. After we put it up, a number of people wrote me and said they liked the photos of me on the site and requested more. Before I knew it, I had modeling offers, product endorsements, etc. With that response, the entire focus changed and it became a "fan" site of sorts. Now that my skin-care line is just about ready to go to market, it will have a separate site!
Read the entire interview >>>
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GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: What is the best way to take a guy home on a Saturday night when you're in the mood?
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In life generally I think it's a big mistake to beat around the bush. Life's too short to waste time. After 2 a.m. in a bar, stalling is just stupid. No single guys are looking for stimulating conversation at that time. Maybe before they were, but not that late. And most of the guys with girlfriends have already gone home. So say hello and move quickly into conversation with sexual undertones. No one will be offended by talk of vibrators and oral sex. Prudes don't hang in bars that late. And guys experience no shame in leaving friends behind to get some. So after you deduce that there's no girlfriend, consider every single guy good to go. Now find someplace to go — whoever doesn't have roommates gets home-bed advantage.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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THE SPORTSDESK
* One Shining Moment — An entire web site dedicated to the song played immediately following the NCAA men's basketball championship.
* Where's Walton? — Track the progress of NBC announcer, who'll see 30 NBA playoff games in 30 days. I'm a huge fan of Big Red, a former stutterer who overcame his fears, a guy who's thoughtful and straight up, a knowledgeable hoops junkie and one kick-ass center in his healthy prime. This guy proves that sports can be more than thugs and drugs.
* Player banned after testicle biting — When they say this guy bites balls, they mean it.
* Kamla Unfiltered: Running Back Rankings — An early peek at fantasy football ratings. I don't how how Eddie George can be in the top five after he ran my team into the ground last season.
* Picture: Bledsoe's full-page ad to Boston fans — Class act. Worth noting. On a side note, I'd like to thank Boston Red Sox fans for watching the Yanks win 26 World Series since they've won any.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* MTV reschedules video music awards — In deference to fall's Sept. 11 anniversary, the network moves its showcase to a week earlier. Let's hope the artists show some class and pay homage respectfully, which means to barely mention it in between plugging their upcoming projects and tours.
* Iranian leader blasts U.S., praises bombers, calls for oil boycott — If only they knew what a peaceful democracy was. Poisoned brains all over that region.
THE NEWSDESK
* Mailbox bomb letter text — Text from the letter that accompanied pipe bombs placed in mailboxes in the midwest last week.
* Deep Throat to be named — Former White House counsel John Dean will reveal the secret Watergate source named Deep Throat on June 17 on Salon.com. Not to be confused with the girl in college my friends and I called Big Gulp for reasons you can probably guess on your own.
* Man orders Domino's pizza every day for five years — This should clue you in on the success of his sex life.
* Couple clips 450,000 obituaries from local newspaper — Like they said in Dumb & Dumber, old people really can serve a purpose.
* Thong-wearing teens kicked out of dance — Go straight to my room!
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Paola Righetti — A Swedish model, who was born in Italy and reminds me of the Wade Boggs whiffing as the final batter of Dave Righetti's no-hitter for the Yanks in 1983. Oh, she also reminds me of someone who's hot.
NEXT WEEK
Next Sunday is Mother's Day, so I'll have to do something around that, and I'm not sure yet who the weekly interview with be with.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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