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No bullshit, Elmo testified before Congress this week
Just a trim before heading out to the NASCAR race
The inevitable conclusion to drinking a cup of Tabasco
Emma Harrison
Amy Fadhli
Cynthia Bridges (no relation to Todd)
Desiree Hewitt
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NYC LINKS
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Who's on First
Booze Cruise
Sat., May 4 — From 4-8 p.m., party it up with the staff of Who's on First and their crazy regulars. Booze, girls, food, girls, DJ and girls. Then, psycho owner Mark (above w/ ho's) is busing everyone back to the bar for one hour of drinks on the house. Don't puss out.
Price: $55
RSVP: (212) 410-2780 or whosnyc@aol.com
MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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If you're a regular of this site, you know that I'm a big sports fan with allegiances to the locals (N.Y. Yankees, Giants, Knicks and Islanders) and my alma mater (Syracuse University).
But I'm not one of those face-painting, autograph-hunting, team-tattoo-wearing virginal freaks that yells obscenities to supremely talented athletes just because they don't wear my team's uniform.
Still, there are some athletes out there who I wouldn't mind seeing get cursed by the great Babe Ruth, who has already spelled the Red Sox for 84 years.
Here are 10 of 'em...
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10: WILLIAM ZABKA, Choker
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Why He Sucks: Like Barry Bonds, he flops when it means the most. Lost to Ralph Macchio even after sweeping his leg in the Karate Kid finals, then bailed on Grand Lakes University in the diving championship with cramps that were best described as menstrual.
Link: Memorable quotes from The Karate Kid
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9: ANNA KOURNIKOVA, Overrated Tennis Player
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Why She Sucks: Upcoming Penthouse photos be damned, I like my gals to have some semblance of intelligence and personality. She appears to have neither, and frankly is far from being attractive enough to worship on beauty alone.
Link: Anna K. Quotes
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8: RANDY JOHNSON, Yankee Killer
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Why He Sucks: Supposed to be a good guy off the field, but I hold this man responsible for the Yanks' postseason disappointments in 1995 and 2001. Without him, New York could have won six World Series in seven years. So we'll have to be happy with the measly four, which is four more than the Red Sox have won since Woodrow Wilson was president.
Link: Klapisch: Yanks turned '95 loss into future success
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7: SNOOP DOGG, Loafer
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Why He Sucks: Ruined what could have been a perfectly competitive MTV Rock 'n' Jock softball game by hitting like a 4th-grade girl ... on pot. Get that scrub outta there and watch me drill some balls between Carmen Electra's legs.
Link: Fan's N'SYNC pics from '99 Rock 'n' Jock
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6: RICKY WILLIAMS, Bust
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Why He Sucks: Inspired by his cover appearance on Sports Illustrated's '99 NFL preview, I paid $51 for this robo-back in my fantasy football draft. He scored two TDs (roughly equal to Marshall Faulk's weekly total) all season. The biggest waste of money since they started bottling Zima.
Link: The SI cover that ruined my season
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5: THE GUY WHO BEAT ME IN NHL '93, Ringer
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Why He Sucks: During my junior year in college, I wiped the floor with my roommate Andrew and neighbor Mark in NHLPA Hockey '93 on Sega Genesis. One day Mark brought over a "friend" who he wanted to watch play me in the game. Well, the guy kicked my ass handily and was never seen nor heard from again. I have hired a private investigator to hunt this motherfucker down.
Link: VideoGameCritic.com's review
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4: MICHAEL IRVIN, Typical Cowboy
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Why He Sucks: Another guy who takes no responsibility every time he's discovered in the vicinity of prostitution and drugs. Think about much shit you and your friends have done and how often you got caught. Multiply it by 1,000 and that's how hard it is to be rich and famous and get arrested.
Link: Timeline of Irvin's off-field troubles
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3: JOHN ROCKER, Cracker
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Why He Sucks: A one-time effective lefty reliever, his greatest talent appears to be calculated stupidity. Atlanta Braves fans gave him a standing ovation when he returned from suspension over ignorant and hateful comments about gays and foreigners, which probably isn't going to help break down that stereotype about southerners and intelligence.
Link: John Rocker fan club
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2: PETE ROSE, Jock
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Why He Sucks: So out-of-touch with any part of society that doesn't include a jock strap that he sports a hair cut that could be improved by using a Flowbee. I swear his impression of heaven has to be a locker room of smelly men.
Link: Official Flowbee web site
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1: RAY LEWIS, Criminal
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Why He Sucks: Pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice in a murder case and wants everyone to forget about it. Notice how he doesn't complain about the time he spent in jail.
Link: June 2000: Lewis murder charges dropped
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RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Arrest Record of Rodney King — Monday, April 29 is the 10th anniversary of the riots in L.A. and a few other cities that scared the crap out of me as a college sophomore. This page details King's 12 run-ins with the law, nine of them occurring after his famous arrest is March 1991. King was awarded $3.8 million for getting his ass kicked after leading police on a several-minute-long car chase at speeds upwards of 110 MPH, for which he was never charged with a crime. King was wrong, the cops were wrong, the rioters were wrong. What a senseless wreck.
* Brown Dog Institute Dog Biscuits — Rover will lick your face for a week after you present him with these treats is such flavors as Cat Turds, Road Kill, Butt Stink, Rotten Fish and Garbage. Yum.
* CamGirlDirectory — A new database of hoochies who like to dance in front of their cameras. You can search by location and popularity. Look for an interview with the webmaster in a future update of PK.com.
* WhateverDude's Five Favorite Real World Moments — A little in-depth for my online reading and writing habits (quick bursts),but he does manage to mention two moments that I eluded to inn last week's Real World update: the frightening Genesisms and when Dan dressed down the snooping Maria in Miami.
* Find Out if Your Pet Is Gay — A test to find out if your pet is straight or chasing a different type of tail. A rainbow-colored collar could be a tip-off.
* StinkFactor: The Tabasco Challenge — Would you drink a cup of Tabasco to achieve Internet fame? Bob Remeika would — and did.
* Become a Google Researcher — Instructions on how to make money from home working for the most valuable site on the Net.
FULL DISCLOSURE
Interviews with fellow webmasters. Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
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New York City Bartenders and Patrons
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This week we chat with Kevin Fitzpatrick who has been profiling New York City's most fun bars and bartenders at NYCBP.com since 1998. He discovered Coyote Ugly well before Hollywood did and is a great resource for finding bars that work hard to make their customers happy.
The success of NYCBP.com inspired Kevin to start his own site-building business and now claims several bars as his clients.
PK.COM: Aside from the obvious perk of having a lot of guys come to your site to masturbate, what's the best part about running a web site dedicated to female bartenders in New York City?
NYCBP.COM: Paul, the site's about intoxication, not masturbation. In the 3 ½ years that nycbp.com has been online, you're the only one who continually writes in to say that they are jacking off to the pictures. Put away the Kleenex, please. The best part about running this site is it's given me an opportunity to meet a lot of terrific, fun, interesting New Yorkers. And get really, really drunk with them.
Read the entire interview >>>
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GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: I have being friends with this guy for about a year. He and I work at the same firm but in different offices and are at the same level. He always flirted with me but due to timing issues I was always involved. Or when I was interested he was involved. He took me out recently a few times as "buddies." I want things to change — he seems uncomfortable lately — or maybe I am the uncomfortable one. Do you think he likes me? I feel like i missed my opportunity.
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Sounds like you need to work on your flirting skills to make sure he gets the message. Some ways to achieve this are to invite him to an after-work happy hour while forgetting to include the rest of the office. Or see if he wants to rent a movie. When you come home with Shaving Ryan's Privates instead of Saving Private Ryan, just blame it on the video store clerk and pop it in the VCR anyway. If all that fails, send naked pictures of yourself through interoffice mail and hope that the serial-killing mailroom staffers don't snoop too much. Better yet, e-mail them to me.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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THE SPORTSDESK
* Maryland Hoops' Byron Mouton's School Project — The national champ visits the The American History Museum and writes about his experience. It only gets better after this intro: "Everybody likes to get to place faster. In order to get to place people use cars and trucks."
* Ten College Football Programs That Beg to Be Hated — The Arizona Republic's FanBoy bags on 10 programs that make him sick. Most of the usual suspects are here, including a team that sports "road worker orange" and a school that still finds the Confederate flag cool.
* ESPN.com's NFL Preseason Rankings — Updated after the draft, the Rams (i.e. the Atlanta Braves of football) start at No. 1. My Giants are at 20, or roughly 12 spots lower than they began last year with virtually the same players.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* The Real War on Terrorism — Robert Young Pelton, author of "The World's Most Dangerous Places," says the U.S. military has killed "thousands and thousands" of people in Afghanistan, al-Qaeda is a myth and the WTC was brought down by a "Mickey Mouse" outfit
THE NEWSDESK
* The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Jay Chiat — An advertising giant dies and leaves us these quotes. Those guys are all nuts, which was the best part of working in the industry.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Desiree' Hewittt — An actor/model/singer/dancer whose resume includes an appearance in Deuce Bigalow and a talent for screaming.
* Cynthia Bridges — A fitness model who keeps in great shape for our benefit.
* Amy Fadhli — A collection of hardbody photos published by a big fan. Thanks, dude.
NEXT WEEK
Next week, we have an interview with Shannon Nowak of Planet Shandar. She's smoking hot and has some interesting hobbies. And I'll do a top 10 of some sort.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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