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Cristie Kerr kisses the trophy she received for winning the LPGA's Schlong Open
A really, really, really, really bad hair day
The rock empire known as Haggar-Roth
The Simpsons Archive contains things you wouldn't believe, as this picture clearly shows
What does this man and a 64-year-old groupie have in common? Their love
My new favorite NFL rookie, fellow Syracuse alum Dwight Freeney
Little Haley
They're always squeezing the merchandise at Club Rubber
Haley let 'em all hang out for her last photoshoot
Candy Lee alert: new swimsuit photos
Shannon Nowak will be featured in an upcoming PK.com interview
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NYC LINKS
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MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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When I was in college in the early '90s, I got hooked on MTV's Real World. Over the years I have wanted to bash the heads in of many of the young twits who thought they had the world figured out. And I wanted to get with some of the babes. In case you missed some of the seasons, allow me to recap the ones I've seen for you.
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1: New York
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Most Liked
Eric — Took advantage of the best part of New York — millions of women.
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Season Recap: Seven "ambitious" strangers look to further their careers in New York. Along the way, Eric tried to bag 18-year-old Julie from Alabama and Kevin warns us to not trust whitey. He mentions nothing about the Lord loving a working man nor seeing a doctor to get rid of it.
MTV: Real World New York Archive
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Most Disliked
Becky — Apparently left no impression on me, because I forgot that she was even on the show.
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2: Los Angeles
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Most Liked
Jon — His trip to the beach in cowboy boots and a Hulkamania shirt is one of the most priceless moments in TV history.
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Season Recap: In a town known for phoniness, this crew was real — real boring. Jon chased his country music dreams 2,000 miles away from Memphis, and Dominick sat on the couch a lot. The rest of 'em just laid in bed.
MTV: Real World Los Angeles Archive
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Most Disliked
Tami — She had her mouth wired shut to lose weight, but should have had something else permanently shut to restrict reproduction.
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3: San Francisco
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Most Liked
Pedro — At 22, he managed to inspire and educate, while living out a death sentence.
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Season Recap: Pedro faces AIDS head-on with dignity while Judd ponders why he can't get laid. (Might've had something to do with that "aspiring cartoonist" thing.) The rest of the house just watches Puck pick his nose.
MTV: Real World San Francisco Archive
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Most Disliked
Judd — There's more sap in this guy than every tree in Yellowstone.
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4: London
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Season Recap: How would I know? I never saw it.
MTV: Real World London Archive
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5: Miami
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Most Liked
Dan — Had more flash and flair than a Liberace tour — with attitude to spare. Told Maria where she could shove her snooping habits.
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Season Recap: Seven of the laziest people ever are supposed to jointly orchestrate a small business, but they accomplished little more then sending a bunch of e-mails on shiny laptops.
MTV: Real World Miami Archive
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Most Disliked
Flora — One of those semi-attractive women that can get average weasels to fawn over her. I thought she sucked.
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6: Boston
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Most Liked
Jason — A cool guy who didn't do much preaching.
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Season Recap: They're asked to serve as mentors for kids, except the tykes prove to be more mature than these drunks. Who could ever forget the "Genesisms" posted all over the walls by Genesis, the lipstick lesbian who clearly was unstable?
MTV: Real World Boston Archive
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Most Disliked
Montana — Smoked a lot and served booze to kids. Named after the size of her ass.
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7: Seattle
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Season Recap: How would I know? I never saw it.
MTV: Real World Seattle Archive
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8: Hawaii
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Most Liked
Teck — Made every place he was at more fun
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Season Recap: Pick a drama, any drama. Ruthie let alcohol control her like a puppet. Amaya whined till her housemates' ears bled. And Matt challenged Judd from San Fran's title as the biggest wuss on TV since Danny Pintauro on Who's the Boss? (See the Official Danny Pintauro Fan Site.)
MTV: Real World Hawaii Archive
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Most Disliked
Ruthie — Made every place she was at less fun, because her alcoholism made her a complete burden.
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9: New Orleans
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Most Liked
Kelley — I am madly in love with this independent, strong-willed chick.
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Season Recap: Finally, a group of young adults who manage to grow together without someone trying to be a star or drama queen. This is the house I would have most wanted to be in, if only to see Kelley earn her beads.
MTV: Real World New Orleans Archive
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Most Disliked
None — I liked the whole cast. Even a curmudgeon like me can find no fault.
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10: New York
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Season Recap: How would I know? I never saw it.
MTV: Real World New York Archive
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11: Chicago
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Season Recap: How would I know? I never saw it.
MTV: Real World Chicago Archive
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SOUNDBOARDS
If you haven't played with a soundboard, you're not trying hard enough to waste time at work. Here are some of the best ones out there...
* Homer Simpson Soundboard — Best Clip: "Well, if it isn't the leader of the Weiner Patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons."
* Al Pacino Soundboard — Best Clip: "What are you going to do about it, asshole?"
* Miss Cleo Soundboard — Best Clip: "Yeah, dats da daddy."
* More Soundboards — Includes Tony Soprano, Samuel L. Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Playboy.com Dirty Dozen: Gene Simmons — The KISS bassist and lead Shylock partakes in a 12-question interview where he gives new meaning to the term "chicken coop" and shares a tale about a groupie 40 years his senior.
* Strip Jointz Rocks: Rock N' Roll for Sexy Dancers — Yep, all your favorite stripper music on one CD: Born to Be Wild, I Touch Myself and Are You Ready for the Sex Girls?
* The Adventures of Dan: Extra Extraordinaire — Enter the world of a real-life Hollywood extra, those "actors" who could easily be replaced by well-painted cardboard.
* Etiquette Hell — Read true stories of the truly etiquette challenged, the purposely greedy, the ungrateful, and the uncivil members of society. Sounds like my close circle of friends.
* The Simpsons Archive — An incredibly comprehensive resource of FAQs, news items, capsule submissions, lists, guides and other paraphernalia.
FULL DISCLOSURE
Interviews with fellow webmasters. Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
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GuyCritical.com
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This week we chat with Matt Milner of GuyCritical.com, a place where women anonymously seek to have their most perplexing questions answered by anonymous men. You'd think most of their inquiries would center around math and science, but it's almost 100% relationship-oriented.
I posed some hard-hitting question to Matt about the types of questions that are asked and when he's going to throw a party where I can meet all these women having boy trouble.
PK.COM: Even though it's an anonymous service, is there any way a guy and girl could hook up eventually? 'Cause if there's no chance of getting laid, I'm outta here.
GUYCRITICAL.COM: Guys and girls are hooking up all the time, bless their naughty little hearts. If a woman likes the way you answered her question, she can click on a link that says, "Check Out My Home Page." This is where you can upload a picture of yourself and say how excellent you are. We get e-mails from guys and girls all the time thanking us for hooking them up.
Read the entire interview >>>
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GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: I recently met a guy who has a girlfriend. We've been talking and e-mailing for a month now and have seen each other a few times. We've been "intimate" as well. He claims that I am everything he wants but he cannot do anything about it due to his having a girlfriend. I enjoy speaking to him, but told him I can't see him anymore. What do I do? He continues to call and email and doesn't want to lose contact. I also feel like there's something "special" between us.
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Let me see if I get this straight. He's a cheater and a liar (presumably he doesn't disclose to his girlfriend his true whereabouts when he's being intimate with you). He's a coward, because he found everything he's looking for but can't? (what?) do anything about it. And you're wondering whether you should continue to pursue a relationship with him, because it's "special." I would say that if there were three people left on the Earth — Gary Coleman, Emmanuel Lewis and this guy — get yourself ready for a mini-threeway, 'cause this dud doesn't deserve your attention.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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THE SPORTSDESK
* White Sox fire employee over Whitesnake song — Some wiseass tries to taunt Chuck Finley publicly and pays the price. That's what web site are for.
* NFL Draft: Mel Kiper's First-Round Commentary — The Eddie Munster lookalike comments on all 32 first-rounders, including Syracuse DE Dwight Freeney, who went at No. 11 to the Colts.
* 2002 NBA Mock Draft — Mock drafts are all B.S. — it's not like league GMs are gonna leak who they really like — but I can never shy away from them. There's even a 2003 NBA mock draft.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Pray for peace, polish the weapons — Bill O'Reilly pretty much sums up my thoughts on terrorism: "I don't know about you, but I couldn't care less about the Muslim world. I wish it well and admire certain things about the culture. But right now, that world is my enemy, by and large. Muslim fanatics are a threat to my family and way of life. Their problems lie right before their eyes in the form of corrupt leadership and hateful clerics. I had nothing to do with that problem."
* 12-Year-Old Interviews Donald Rumsfeld — Yeah, I'm liberal, but I'm a big fan of Rummy. The sobering part of this interview is that the war on terrorism is so complex that even a pre-teen's questions are just as relevant to adults.
* Mariane Pearl: The Public Life of Private Struggles — The wife of slain WSJ reporter Daniel Pearl on how Pakistanis treated her during the time her husband was held captive in their country. She calls on them to take action against fundamentalists, not just be part of a silent majority.
* Homicide Bomber vs. Suicide Bomber — What's the appropriate term for people who murder innocent civilians?
* NYC Skyscraper Photos — See pictures of individual buildings and clusters that help make up the grandest, most spectacular skyline on Earth. See a truly breathtaking photo from atop the former World Trade Center.
THE NEWSDESK
* Naked man attacks women in sub shop — Probably a mutant cousin of that freak Jared.
* Former Van Halen singers bury hatchet for tour — Haggar the Horrible and Diamond Dave join forces to form the biggest rock show since Hanson.
* My dad and I visit a porn set — A New York Press reporter gets invited to play guest-director for a Vivid Video, and he brings dad along. (All those who thought I was referring to my dad can leave now.)
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Shannon Nowak e-mailed this week and agreed to do a future Full Disclose interview. Look out for that in a couple of weeks. For now, check out what this babe has on her site.
* Cowgirl Haley update — See her latest from the Pedernales Falls shoot.
* Club Rubber Racer X party — I don't even know what to say about Club Rubber photos anymore, except that when I visit L.A., I'm putting on leather pants, Bono sunglasses and crashing one of these gigs.
* Candy Lee e-mailed this week to say her swimwear section was updated. If you're into girls bending over rocks, go check it out. (Goodbye, everyone.)
* Little Haley — A distant cousin of Big Haley and Medium Haley but not related to Cowgirl Haley, Little Haley has big reason(s) to smile.
* Everyday Hotties — A gallery of hot non-models in normal settings. If you call bending over and sporting cleavage normal. (Thanks, Kevin)
NEXT WEEK
Next week, we have an interview with Kevin Fitzpatrick of NYCBP.com and I might do a list of my most hated athletes. Who will join the likes of Michael Irvin and Ray Lewis on that exclusive list?
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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