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Fifteen years ago, this was a turn-on for teenage girls
Baseball season is here. Let's get this party started
The idiots from my alma mater had some uniform trouble at the NIT
Vietnam's answer to Lance Armstrong
The Great Gatsby? He ws, um, great
Who's on First serves up a shot of Stoli-Low
Who's on First staff: nutcase owner Mark and lovely bartender Chaundra on Playboy Bunny Night
And I want to thank my lawyer, and my agent...
Britney Spears with some guy I'm going to kill soon
Everyone say hi to Glynda
Local model Karen Cogz, all 19 years of her. Hurt me
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NYC THIS WEEK
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The big event this week is the Chicago Invasion. Four nurses, one birthday, 1753 bars/clubs in NYC. The best thing about midweek partying? No amateurs.
Sean of MurphGuide.com is running a Hoboken happy hour party Thursday and a Midtown Music Fest on Saturday.
Christan of NetworkingGirl is promoting a singles happy hour Wed., April 3, for people aged 25-35. Hit her site for the too-good-too-pass-up details.
Deep River Meltdown is back in the city playing great original rock music April 13 at Kenny's Castaway on Bleeker Street. I'll be in the audience, for sure.
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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I don't watch much television, save news and sports, but I did when I was younger, when much of the Nick at Nite roster ran originally. So I'm familiar with the pop culture icons of the '70s and '80s, and I'd like to share my favorites...
(Don't forget to review a previous update on Wacky TV Neighbors.)
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THREE'S COMPANY: Mr. Furley
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Pros: I hope I'm as horny as this bulldog when I'm 90, or however old he was
Cons: Spent nights out at the Regal Beagle, the most saddeningly empty dump ever
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FACTS OF LIFE: Mrs. Garrett
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Pros: Had a harem of women working for her bake shop
Cons: Each of those gals was butt (or retarded and butt), save Blair, who was just an annoying pain in the ass
Who would you kill on Facts of Life?
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LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY: Squiggy
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Pros: Kept a positive attitude despite being rejected by women as ugly as Laverne
Cons: Spent too much time with cockblocking Lenny
Who would you kill on Laverne and Shirley?
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WKRP IN CINCINNATI: Bailey Quarters
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Pros: Buttoned up during the day, but you know she gets loose behind closed doors at night. I'm totally hot for her
Cons: Never took Jennifer to task for being a phony, fake bitch
Who would you kill on WKRP in Cincinnati?
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CHEERS: Carla Tortelli
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Pros: Made everyone else in the room better looking
Cons: The only woman whose looks Bea Arthur could make fun of
Who would you kill on Cheers?
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HAPPY DAYS: Ralph Malph
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Pros: Had a sense of humor that mirrored mine and an affinity for cheerleaders
Cons: Cowered to Fonzie, a skinny shrimp who kept crashing his motorcycle
Who would you kill on Happy Days?
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FAMILY TIES: Skippy Handleman
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Pros: Had the balls to hit on Mallory right under Mr. and Mrs, Keaton's noses
Cons: Took a lot of shit from Alex, whom I would've bitchslapped on a regular basis
Who would you kill on Family Ties?
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY
 Happy birthday to PK.com superfan Niece who turns 25 this week. That's 132 years less than the guy pictured to the left. Surviving a quarter-century in this crazy world is reason enough to celebrate, but I promise the best is yet to come.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Quiz: Female or Shemale — I, um, scored only 11 out of 16, which is precisely why I don't hang out in Chelsea.
* Sly Greetings — A site that instructs on how to dupe your friends using a myriad of online methods. A good way to find out if your mom surfs for porn. And knowing your mom the way I do, she does.
* Virtual Drinking Buddy — Play quarters against the cast of Van Wilder. I'm guess that more people will play this game than see the movie. Start with a game against old bag Ms. Haver. (Thanks, Rob)
* Armed Females of America — Pro-gun propaganda from a women's group. You know how many conversations I have each year about guns? Zero.
* ScrewFactor — A place to share stories of people who've done you wrong.
* 100 Best Characters in Fiction Since 1900 — I'm a sucker for lists, no matter how subjective. No. 1, Jay Gatsby, is definitely my favorite character ever. But where's any of the Corleones?
* Picture: Israeli Soldiers Piss on Arafat's Headquarters — Not pictured are groups of well-funded Palestinian terrorists planning to explode nails through the heads of Israeli citizens.
* Picture: The 'Playa' Panda — The photo caption is about a panda. It might as well be next to a picture of my buddies.
OSCARS REDUX
I can't sit still long enough to watch movies, and I'm not a big fan of fiction, but I had to watch the Oscars, because I'm so intrigued by celebrity and pop culture. I always wondered why anyone would pay money to read People magazine, and the Oscars didn't offer many clues.
The aftermath of Sept. 11 proved to me the ability of musicians to inspire and really affect others' lives. Actors couldn't do jack except introduce them at benefits and coerce donations from those who buy People magazine.
* Ann Coulter: I Like Black People Too, Julia! — This Coulter chick is ridiculously provocative and way to conservative for my tastes, but I'm down with anyone who charges Hollywood with being a bunch of frauds.
* WSJ.com: Race for the Oscars — Tunku Varadarajan says that by dwelling on skin color, the Academy Awards do blacks a disservice. I say that awards shows are ridiculously self-indulgent, so who gives a shit?
* NY Post: How Oscar Ghettoized Poitier — John Podheretz says the show was excruciatingly self-serious and patronizing. As they say, that's Hollywood!
* TIME.com: And the Oscar for Shameless Self-Congratulation Goes to... — The always-dynamite James Poniewozik wonders if Halle Berry was "making up for three-quarters of a century of inequity by thanking her lawyer and her agent" during her loooong acceptance speech.
* Slate: Oscars the Grouch — Another media grump busts Berry for giving an acceptance speech that began as something emotional and turned into comedy.
THE SPORTSDESK
* NFL 2002 Subplots — This season's schedule is out, and NFL.com breaks down the storylines. The fraudulent Bears will make three boring appearances on Monday Night Football, and the Raiders get a rematch at home against the Pats.
* ESPN Page 2: Worst Choke Artists of All-Time — Nobody can match the longevity of the Red Sox, but the California Angels suffered greater collapses than the Soviet Union.
* WWF Draft Results — The WWF decided to split its lineup so superstars appear on either Raw or Smackdown. Why Stacy Keibler went in Round 22 I'll never know. Stacy, if you're out there, let's get together sometime.
* CNNSI.com MLB Power Ranking — The Yanks begin the year at the top. The Mutts, who spent close to $7 trillion on hitting in the offseason, start at No. 9 ... with no pitching.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Osama bin Laden's Blog — Obviously a joke, but the content it links to is not: mainstream American reports and viewpoints on terrorism. The "voice" of the site defends terrorist attacks, but gives no clue as to why two of my friends deserved to die on Sept. 11.
* Flight 93 relatives to hear recordings — It's incredible what these people must be going through. We must never forget our responsibilities to friends and family directly affected by the attacks.
* Saddam pays 25K for Palestinian bombers — That's roughly one-sixth of what Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez makes per game. Good career choice, religious freaks.
* Museum of the City of New York: September 11, 2001 — Time for me to get back to my favorite museum to see exhibits on the FDNY, Manhattan skylines and Arab Americans in New York City, who have done nothing wrong during any of this mess.
* Man drives truck into Florida mosque — A disgusting act of terror committed by a 51-year-old American. Fifty-one years and his brain works like that? My advice to all: surround yourself with intelligent, well-rounded people.
THE NEWSDESK
* Attackers carve slur on young lesbian — Incredibly sad. These criminals are pure poison and should be put out of our misery.
* Playboy seeks full disclosure from Enron's women — I thought the hot gals lived in Dallas, not Houston. And why is Hef chasing accounting chicks when we haven't even seen Jessica Alba naked?
* 'Corpse' turns out to be sex doll — Shouldn't someone be arrested for this anyway?
* Yahoo! of porn prepares to go public — Isn't the Yahoo! of porn just plain Yahoo!? And count me out of these shareholder meetings. There's bound to be more people than teeth.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Who's up for another round of Glynda? I am.
* Karen Cogz — A hot model from nearby Long Island has added many more pics to her photo gallery. Her bio says she's 19 and just getting started in modeling. I think her boobs got a head start, though.
* Britney Sunbathes Topless — The Sun goes for the Internet traffic record. (Found on Fark.com)
* Cowgirl Haley posted some new pics of her toying with her bikini on wet rocks. I'm no photographer, but I think it works.
BASEBALL PREDICTION
Erika Kole likes the Yanks' chances in 2002. Me, too.
NEXT WEEK
Next week, it's a celebration of Hugh Hefner's birthday, if he's still alive. I had some other good ideas, but I can't remember what the hell they were.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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