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Sgt. Slaughter on the golf course ... in camouflage pants
Jimmy Snuka
The king and, um, the king
The Iron Sheik
Hugh Hefner's worst nightmare
What a lovely couple they make
Damn, wish I had gotten a Fat-O-Gram for my birthday
American trash TV is back — Paula Jones vs. Tonya Harding
Cowgal Haley isn't like the cow gals I was accused of being with in college
Stacy Keibler of the WWF. (I'm doing Lenny's hand-in-the-mouth thing from Laverne & Shirley right now.)
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NYC THIS WEEK
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I guess the big event this week is St. Patrick's Day, which is being celebrated on Saturday, March 16, 'round these parts.
Suggestions for your party needs...
Who's on First — Located on First Ave. at 87 Street, this bar will be packed after the parade ends just a couple blocks away.
NYC St. Patrick's Events — MurphGuide.com has a page listing all the goings-on, including his special party Saturday night.
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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Next Sunday is Wrestlemania XVIII, the showcase event for an industry that features nearly naked men grappling with each other.
Why this thing isn't held as part of a San Francisco Arts Festival I'll never know.
Here we go...
* Superfly Snuka and the Groupie — Jimmy wasn't always flying high in the ring. Sometimes he was doing it in his head.
* The highs and lows of Superfly — More proof that my former favorite wrestler has oatmeal for brains.
* Superfly Snuka's official site — Find out how you can book the Superfly, just like the cops have done.
* The King's Court — The best official celebrity site I've seen is definitely Jerry Lawler's. He updates extensively and often with stories and pictures from the road. And he seems to truly appreciate what fans are worth, which is everything.
* WWF Hall of Fame — Not much more than a listing, but it's funny to think of what an induction ceremony is like, and whether all-time jobber Johnny Rodz thanked all the guys who kicked his ass over the years.
* Top 100 Wrestling Quotes of All Time — These are my favorites...
"Dusty Rhodes wouldn't win a body building contest for best abs, McMahon. He'd win for most abs."
— Jesse Ventura
Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan on the Rosatti sisters:
Brain: "You know what Rosatti means in Italian?"
Gorilla: "Sure. It means red, rich, full..."
Brian: "Nope. It means lard.
Bobby Heenan on Hulk Hogan's entrance music
Heenan: That's my second favorite song.
Gorilla Monsoon: I'm almost afraid to ask. What's your favorite?
Heenan: All the rest are tied.
Bobby Heenan on Koko B. Ware's bird
"If he was in my house, he'd be in a shake 'n' bake bag."
* Midget Hardcore Wrestling — Throw a little softcore pornography into that hardcore midget wrestling and you got yourself one fertile site for search-engine traffic.
* GLORY Wrestling — Profiles of 76 of the "hottest and most-talented" women working the independent wrestling circuit. Meaning, if you hang around high school gyms long enough, you might get to meet one.
* Wrestlemania History — Use the drop-down menu in the top-right to relive all 17 Wrestlemanias, including the ones in the early-to-mid '90s that nobody watched.
* Wrestling Legends & Free Agents — Current bios of wrestling personalities not on the current WWF roster. Find out what guys like Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart and Rena Mero are doing now.
* King Kong Bundy Beats S.D. Jones in Nine Seconds — Watch an animated .gif recap the entire match from the first Wrestlemania. Lasts two seconds longer than the first time you had sex.
* Sgt. Slaughter's Celebrity Golf Invitational — See pictures of some new and old wrestlers put down the steroids long enough to hit the links.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Fat-O-Gram — If your birthday buddy is a lover of blubber, this is the perfect gift.
* Duke hoopster Reggie Love hazed by UNC students — Dude, if you're gonna pass out at a party, make sure it's not on your arch rival's campus. (Pictures included.)
* What's wrong with this picture? — See if you can figure it out. It takes about a minute.
* Sheep Shagging: The Game — The object of this game is to boff as many sheep as possible. Definitely play this one at work. (Thanks, Rob)
* Meet an Inmate — — The site asks: Can you imagine what it must be like for attractive men and women to be without companionship?. Yes, I can. But what does it have to do with these ugly peasants who've raped, robbed and maimed?
Here's the winner in my age group (29)...
Catherine: Damsel in Distress — Nice smile, though I don't think I'll be smiling when this churchgoing gal tells me what she did to get locked up till December 2003.
And the loser...
Look Out Arizona: Jennifer Coming Through — This chick looks like she's ready to lop off someone's head right now. I think I'll postpone that trip to the Grand Canyon.
* Museum of Hoaxes — Why the 2001 Chicago Bears season was not included is beyond me.
* From Cocaine to Ecstasy: A Love Story — A 36-year-old man celebrates the end of his coke habit as he turns to another illegal drug. Way to go! Next stop: The Heroin Express.
* eBay Item: Lose 75 Pounds By Spring — Considering spring is roughly two weeks away, the only way this can happen is to cut off both legs and one arm.
* Mark's Remarks — The owner of NYC bar Who's on First couldn't win a spelling bee against a second-grade foreign-exchange student, but his blog is an entertaining read. Look for his updates from France this week and he hits the slopes (and I'm not talking about getting into fights with Asians — although with him I guess that's possible).
TODD BRIDGES vs. VANILLA ICE
I cannot wait for Wednesday night, when the FOX airs three celebrity boxing matches: Paula Jones vs. Tonya Harding, Barry Williams vs. Danny Bonaduce and , my favorite, Todd Bridges vs. Vanilla Ice.
For the record, my money is on Ice, though I'm definitely backing Bridges if contestants are allowed to pack heat.
* Vanilla Ice's Upcoming Schedule: Includes Fraternity Parties — Can you believe this guy went from having the best-selling album in hip-hop history to playing before 50 pimple-poppers?
* Vanilla Ice at His Prime — Prime for an ass-kicking you mean. Relive the glory days, which coincided with my freshman year at Syracuse University. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it...
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
I just watched "9/11," the CBS documentary that chronicled the work of firemen inside the World Trade Center six months ago.
I didn't want to watch it, though I felt an obligation to. Jesus Christ, it all came back. And I'm glad I saw it — we cannot lose the perspective on life that we had on that day.
There are so many lessons to be learned. Among the most valuable are:
BE KIND. TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED.
Be kind to firemen, who endured more than 9/11 but six months of uncovering bodies in treacherous conditions. Be kind to all New Yorkers; you may never know what they went through. Be kind to people of all races, just like we did on 9/11, when we were all just human beings. How simple. How powerful.
Enjoy life. Enjoy your friends. Do what makes you happy. Do something to make others happy. Create. Laugh. Love. Live. Run. Breathe. Play. Make each place you're at better than if you weren't there.
* Tribute in Light — From March 11 through April 13, from dusk to 11 p.m. ET, two light beams will rise from the site of the WTC as a memorial to those who perished. I do not endorse, however, such an unavoidable reminder that may do more harm than good to children, victims' families, incoming flight passengers or anyone who is not in the right frame of mind to grieve. Good intentions but, I think in this instance, poor execution. The Vietnam Memorial is so powerful and yet you have to make an effort to visit it. I don't think an appropriate memorial for WTC has to be so grand that it is always in public view.
* Ohio Congressman Kucinich: Don't Forget the Bill of Rights — He warns America not to allow the Bush administration to ignore the Constitution in our fight against terrorism.
THE NEWSDESK
* Evil mom feeds baby to rats — Joan Crawford slips to No. 2 on the all-time list of motherly wenches.
* Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue outtakes land in Playboy — Here's hoping Germans and Czechs have great scanners.
* 30,000 pounds of stolen popcorn found — Yeah, but what weighs more, 30,000 pounds of popcorn or 30,000 pounds of lead?
* Michael Greene's Grammy Speech Bogus — The New York Times debunks the president of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences' claims about digital music.
* Radio news anchor busted sending "don't tell anyone I'm e-mailing you" e-mails — You know, Vito Corleone never sent e-mails when he ordered a hit. Anything in writing can be traced, dumb-ass.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* The Cowgal Haley — A longtime supporter of PK.com, her career really seems to be taking off. And the more she takes off the better.
* Stacy Keibler — This being Wrestlemania week, I have to link to pictures of my favorite personality in the WWF, the former Ravens cheerleader who used to play MS. Hancock in WCW. You can also see a video of her on the beach.
* Girls of CampusMan.com — Calling them girls really is an injustice. I like to think of them as play things.
* Rate My Thong — No, not my thong. Just go. (Thanks, Mike)
NEXT WEEK
Next week we're gonna focus on bloopers of all kinds. Any instances of human beings doing stupid things qualify. (Expect a heavy dose of Middle East content.)
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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