* Let's start with my biggest find this week ... the lyrics to Jay-Z's Izzo (H.O.V.A).
Check out these highlights...
Fo' shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in VA
Fo' sheezy my neezy keep my arms so freezy
If anyone can send me the English translation, I'd be eternally grateful.
* Map of Springfield — Finally the truth can be told as to the physical relation of the Simpsons' home (742 Evergreen Terrace) to such town landmarks as CostMo, Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop and Gulp 'n Blow. Related: Michigan U. offers Simpsons class. I wonder if they have to study the map.
* Notepad Online — Photos that are after my own heart. I might have to "borrow" some.
* Princeton University Band Formations — Coooooooooooooool.
* The Turd Twister — Oh, man, too late for me to get this on my Christmas list. Check out the designs you can shape turds into. Someone get me a barf bag.
* What Corporate Mascot Are You? — By answering a few simple questions, I found out that I most resemble the MS Office Paperclip. Great. Here's the analysis: "You love to give out useless advice, and you always pop up at the most inappropriate times. Just the kind of person everyone hates turning up at a party." Man, that was harsh.
* Rolling Stone Yearbook 2001 — Look back at the year in music, relive all the covers, photos and stories. Watch as the nation's interests evolve from Britney Spears (Sept. 13 issue) to the powerful response to Sept. 11 and back to Britney Spears .Some perspective we learned.
One of the related links off Rolling Stone's 2001 content was a cover story about life on the road with Motley Crue in 1987. That's gotta be worth a read.
Another feature: Women of the Crue. From Heather Locklear to Pamela Anderson to Shannon Dougherty (didn't know that), the mag has pics of them all. Well, not ALL. I'm not sure is enough space on the Internet.
* The Smoking Gun's Documents of the Year — The year-ender from one of the best sites around. Includes the Scariest Document of the Year, Best Diva Demands, Creepiest Jail Memos and Most Embarrassing Wedding Registry. Meet the folks behind The Smoking Gun.
* 75 Years of Band-Aid — You can almostsmell this page, featureing rusted, nasty Band-Aid boxes. What a hobby.
* Build Your Own Snowman — I made mine with a mullet, gasmask, guitar and hula skirt.
* Hangover Ratings — Now you know how severe your hangover is when "you've had four cups of coffee, a gallon of water, two sausage rolls and a liter of Diet Coke — yet you haven't pee'd once."
* Crocodile Hunter Doll — The perfect gift for the supernerd in your life. I love this line in the product description: "If you're brave enough, see if you can catch a croc with your new pal." Nothin' like encouraging a five-year-old to jump in an alligator-infested swamp.
* Official NYPD Page — Includes a lot of amateur photography. These men are proud of what they do. Me, too.
* NY Times: Portraits of Frief — Each day, the New York Times profiles 15 or so victims of the World Trade Center disaster. It's a nice touch by the paper, to give each a proper obituary. A friend of mine was in the Dec. 19 issue. That was the day of his birthday. May he rest in peace.
* NY Times Profile: Lee Greenwood — He was a patriot before patriotism was cool.
* Daily News photographer's WTC tale — Just when I thought I'd seen it all, another first-hand account and stunning photos by a newspaper photographer who stood near when the South Tower was hit.
* Sportswriter Dick Schaap Dies at 67 — Such sad news. I read his most-recent book, "Flashing Before My Eyes," and it reinforced what I'd always thought of Schaap — he was smart, funny, a great writer and a sports fan with perspective. I'm not sure that labeling him as a sportswriter is doing him justice. He is a man who knew how to write and liked sports. If only every sports fan was so dignified.
So far, it's been a bad, bad month for ol' St. Nick...
* Ex-cop dressed as Santa allegedly robs bank
* Santa pulls gun from belt, shoots woman
* Woman Auctions Herself — Again — Kay Hammond, internet entrepreneur (no kidding), is looking for a husband aged 24-25. She's 21, 5-4, 34-28-34 measurements. The current bid is 1 billion pounds, whatever the hell that equates to. Bid now!
* Funeral operator accused of dumping Fla. corpses — The world's largest funeral company was accused of digging up bodies. Talk about old with the old.
* World's funniest joke revealed after Internet vote — More like a p.r. excercise than a scientific vote, but it ain't a bad joke.
* One in four has sex in car after Xmas party — One-way ticket to London, please.
* Britney Spears photos from Rolling Stone. How every mom wishes her 20-year-old would dress. Ever get the feeling that someone behind Britney-Mania is laughing at all her fans ... a lot?
* Captain Ribman University faculty — A parody of a lineup of university professors. Pros: Contains models I never heard of. Cons: There are men on this page.
* Melissa Ann contest page — A Playboy model shares her photos from various bikini contests. I imagine she won them all.
* Suzi Simpson — She also has a contact page, but please, for heaven's sake, Serious Inquiries Only!
* TWT Girl Pic Post Page — Looks like there's 20 or so galleries of barely-dressed ladies. I didn't know they had this kind of stuff on the Internet.
* Cowgirl Haley has some Christmas gifts for you.
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