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Chris Rock and me hang out in the same neighborhood all the time
The only word that comes to mind is "ugh"
Just in time for Halloween — whatever the hell this is
Do I look fat in this? YES
The good folks at Who's on First? helped raise $20,000 to help families of fallen firefighters
Jackie Kash got paid for this. So did the photographer. Allow me to kill myself
Yvette Rachelle just wants to talk
Totally natural pose
Wait, if I paint my car like that, I get that, too?
Shannon Kelly has a tan like mine — when someone dumps brown paint on me
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Reason No. 56,431 why New York City is the capital of the world.
My girlfriend and I were walking home from dinner Friday night on West 78 Street when a guy in front of Stand Up New York asked if we wanted to see Chris Rock perform — and pay no cover to do it.
"Um ... yeah. We're not crazy," I said.
So instead of sitting on the couch and watching a movie, we saw perhaps the nation's most popular comic for the price of a few drinks ($30). (The cover was waived, because management wanted to pack the place for Rock, who was practicing his routine before a benefit show at Carnegie Hall.)
That's why I live in New York. Things happen here, both good and bad. But things happen.
After a couple decent comics the emcee introduced the next performer as, "a guy who's performed all over the New York circuit ... Chris Rock!"
Rock raced in and whipped off a hat — I don't think he wanted to loiter in the bar area and attract too much attention. Almost none of the crowd expected him — I think they spent a couple seconds in disbelief, then went crazy when they realized it was him.
Among the best of Rock's routine:
- The terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center. What are we going to do, kick around a few sand castles? You drop a bomb in Afghanistan, you're liable to make a building.
- Some U.S. food aid effort this is. We're dropping 50-pound bags of food on 40-pound people.
- And we're giving them a bunch of crap. Grain! Have you had any grain today? When was the last time you sat down for a bowl of grain?
- Terrorists: God doesn't need your help. "See all this life on the planet? I took care of it. I got it, man. I got it."
Here's some more hilarity from Chris Rock...
* Audio and video clips of Chris Rock routines.
* Classic quotes from Chris Rock performances. Includes: "When men hide their porno stuff, they really hide it. A man becomes Batman. It's not behind the speaker, not behind the dresser, not under the couch. You pull at a book on the bookcase, the whole fucking wall slides to the left, and you descend two flights of stairs into The Porno Pit."
* Tons of Chris Rock video from "The Chris Rock Show" on HBO. (See episode guide.)
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Win a trip to Playboy's Halloween party by filling a simple form on the mag's site. If any of you wackos win, send me pictures.
* Turn off those god damn X10 pop-up ads simply by clicking that link and (I think) getting a cookie designating that you don't want to see that crap for 30 days. (Or maybe it infiltrates your passwords and bank accounts. I'm not sure.)
* WWF Parents: This site promotes all the good things about the WWF, which I think sometimes gets hit with a bad rap. But the cynic in me think that if kids had their own money to spend, the WWF wouldn't give a rat's ass about their parents.
* Here's an alcohol consumption warning Flash movie. A humorous look at what can happen to you when you pop the top of that eighth beer of the evening.
* Here's a great interview with Tony Gwynn of ESPN's Page 2. It's pretty candid stuff from a guy who's seen it all. Candid doesn't mean critical, just honest, and those are the only interviews that count.
* ESPN also came out with its NBA training camp power rankings. The Knicks are No. 17, which makes me glad that I still haven't moved to the top of the list for season tickets. (Actually, after around seven years, I'm still thousands or spots away from the top.)
WE SHALL NEVER FORGET 9/11
* A big thank you to Who's on First?, a wild bar on Manhattan's Upper East Side, for raising $20,000 for NYFD families during a fund raising event last Thursday. I attended and had a terrific time — there was a wonderful mix of emotions, from charitable goodness to compassion for the surviving firefighters to down-home New York City partying, 'cause we can. Oh, and a lot of chicks wore tight shirts.
I was extremely disappointed, though, to hear over the loudspeaker a horribly misguided sentiment of "I'm glad I don't wear a god damn towel on my head." There's no room for that generalized venom in our free country.
Anyway, check out Who's on First?'s official site or the one at Kevin Fitzpatrick's NYC Bartenters and Patrons for pictures of the craziness. (Not sure if pics are up from Thursday just yet, but they will be.)
* William F. Buckley Jr.: So You Want a Holy War? — "Here is a strategic suggestion from the Western high command. Declare in full voice that Islam is widely profaned and mistaught."
Citing examples of lack of democratic states and horrible treatment of women, Buckley says that the Muslim religion is fucked, that it leaves itself open to actions such as what we saw on 9/11, with extremists acting in the name of God.
"It is thought to be a sign of toleration to defer to Islam as simply another religion. It isn't that. It is a form of condescension."
* There are a lot of sites trying to serve as a memorial for the WTC attacks. This one, titled World Trade Center Legacies, appears to have the most potential. But I think only a government-endorsed online testimonial will work. The Internet is too dangerous to assume that all information volunteered by friends and family of the deceased will be accurate. To get a sense of how confused our city was, it was reported to me that two of my friends were "missing." They are, in fact, fine. Tragically, two are not, and I will be attending memorial services this week.
* Each of us has our own way of dealing with the tragedy, so I can't blame you if you like to play the Osama's Liquor Store shoot-'em-up Flash game. But I must encourage you to respect that some people are so profoundly hurt by 9/11 that we cannot turn a blind eye to it. Visit the Cantor Fitzgerald crisis page — see the list of dozens of memorial services planned — to remind yourself of the work we have ahead. Be kind, be smart.
* CNN has audio/video of the emergency calls shortly after the WTC attacks. Watch it and then try to play the Osama game.
* British government's text of evidence against Osama bin Laden. Bring his ass to New York.
THE NEWSDESK
* Some guy patented the musical tunes played by 100,000,000 phone numbers (meaning yours, mine, everyone's). So every time you dial the phone, you commit copyright infringement. He did it to make a statement against the patent system.
* Man finds human penis in bottle of fruit punch — Wait, that was Richard Simmons' order.
* The Call of Fame is a shame — You can buy calling cards to talk to former major leaguers, but the .200 hitters are picking up the phones.
* Terror sex could trigger baby boom — I don't agree with this prediction, as I don't know anyone who could've gotten it up for a week after 9/11.
* Music, film firms sue online file-swapping sites — Now Morpheus is being hit. I don't get it — you want me to pay for this stuff?
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* I know everyone and his brother links to these photos, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to link to Club Rubber's Sports Night party photos.
* Yvette Rachelle has a portfolio online and an ad touting a phone service for $1 per minute. I think I'd rather look at her bod for free.
* Poorman's Bikini Beach — Cheesy enough to big a big hit on this site.
* It time for another peek at the top 20 girls on PickTheHottie.com.
* I see big things for this Shannon Kelly chick. At least on her chest.
* I don't know what girls in bikinis and cars have in common, but Low Rider magazine models do.
BEFORE YOU LEAVE
1. Jump into the anonymous message board and share some funny, weird, sexy links. Over 1,000 people visit this site each day. If only a small percentage post every now and then, there will be enough content to keep this site active every day.
2. See what you missed in the archive.
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