Reason No. 6,381 why New York City is the capital of the world: Last one in the hot tub with Carmen Electra is a rotten egg.

On Tuesday, June 12 between 12:30-1:30 p.m., everyone over 21 is invited to join Carmen Electra in Union Square for what promises to be the largest hot tub party in history.

I used to work right in that neighborhood, but making the trip tomorrow could pose a challenge. We shall see.

If any of you go, send me some photos for me to post.

* The Date-My-Sister Project — No, not my sister. I don't have one, and you have a better chance of seeing Vendela streak naked through your office than you do seeing a family member of mine on this site.

Anyway, see if you Boston-area folks can help him find a mate for his 4-on-a-scale-of-1-to-10 sibling.

* First there was the Road to the Final Four, but college players got paid too much money to care.

Not so in the Road to Springfield, where 64 Simpsons supporting characters duke it out for one night alone with Milhouse's mom, or something like that.

The latest Road to Springfield bracket shows a tough draw for No. 4 seed Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, my pick to win it all.

* I see that respected kids brand Scholastic has teamed with super hero Captain Underpants. What the hell's on its summer reading list, A Farewell to Wedgies?

* B-Movie Queens — for those of you who like to watch movies without all that plot getting in the way.

* The worst of everything — includes final results and funny analysis for the Gayest Celebrities, Worst Rappers, Worst Fast Food Joints, Worst Mullets and more.

* Cat's all-time worst photographs — I can't believe the camera didn't break before the roll was up.

* Police seek unapologetic flatulent officer. You break the law, then this guy breaks wind.

* 86 human skulls found at bus stop. All I find are a bunch of 86-year-old bingo champs.

* 91-year-old to work as bouncer. I thought Sam Elliot was finished after Roadhouse.

* Disney workers get clean underwear. Ever wonder why your kids pass out after shaking hands with Goofy?

* Roger Ebert reviews Attack of the Killer Bimbos. Clip: "It is the most simpleminded movie in many a moon, a vacant and brainless exercise in dreck, and I almost enjoyed myself sometimes, sort of."

Good enough for me.

Here are some thoughts on how to revive what used to be so creative and then got stale:

• Update regularly — not necessarily every day but be consistent. If you know you're gonna have time only on Tuesday and Thursday nights, say so.
• Scrap the IM chat transcripts — I don't think I ever laughed at one.
• Make links descriptive — "click here," "check this out," and "what the hell is this?" are not going to get people to click. The shock is over on most of this stuff.
• Kill the porn — I'd rather have these folks not come to my site. Perhaps you do.
• Don't be a whore — if "link backs" constitutes content, stock up on No-Doze.

* 2000 National Bikini Contest pictures. And let's not forget the pictures from 1999.

* Opie and Anthony's whipped cream bikini contest. Thankfully, the DJs stay out of it.

* Brittany York gallery. Can't think of anything funny.

* Theresa Hessler gallery. See above.

2. Join the newsletter. Just pop your e-mail address in the box below and you'll be notified about all updates.