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R. Budd Dwyer turned his face into a crushed tomato can before reporters
And in 623rd place, let's hear it for Rolanda
Bet you wouldn't mind if she worked on your putz
Lots of gals in my neighborhood have breakfast dressed in a bedsheet
Now, if you'll just hold the building like so till the cement dries...
I don't normally find fire crotches attractive, but I think I found an exception
Um, can you check the price of the cigars on the bottom shelf?
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I don't really do shock on this site. I certainly don't like sites with blind links like "CLICK HERE!" that lead to an soldier's exploded head, but I found myself surfing around some sites that dealt with tragedy that held my attention every bit as much as the Net models you'll find below.
In 1987, I remember seeing video of a Philadelphia official named R. Budd Dwyer shoot himself in the head in front of television cameras. I was only 14, and it was the most disturbing thing I'd seen in my life, save Yakoff Smirnoff's act.
So I went surfing for information, not even knowing R. Budd Dwyer's name, and found sites that add a lasting, human element to events that destroyed families.
* An entire site dedicated to the televised suicide of R. Budd Dwyer, including vidcaps, transcripts, and press related to the event.
* An official Pennsylvania Senate resolution (whatever the hell that is) made after the death of Dwyer. Seems it's just a dry, tactical document offering condolences from his comrades to his family.
* Autopsy report (text only) of Nicole Brown Simpson. Chilling.
* A slew of official documents and multimedia related to the Columbine massacre. How that school goes on I'll never know. Here are some photos of the school's glass doors after being blown to pieces.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* I got DSL for one reason and one reason only. So I can watch video of Jim Rome getting his ass kicked by Jim "Chris" Everett.
* I swear Cliff Yablonki's updates make me laugh out loud every week. He's evidence of why you'd have to be a moron to make pictures of yourself public on the Net.
* I think I've linked before to the gallery of women with beards. If I haven't, I should have. Not sure why the lady at my Laundromat isn't pictured.
* I have no idea why Gladiator won Best Picture over Muscles and Cream. I know if I had $49.95 to spend on fetish videos, I'd buy this one.
* Don't you love viewing other people's online traffic reports? Here's a page detailing all the referrers to AmazonProfiles.com.
* I found this profile of a NY attorney named Paul Katcher. Wonder if he'll sue me for defamation some day. He'll probably just ask me where all the nude pics of midgets are.
LYNNE RUSSELL'S HOT?
The most intriguing article I read this week was a lament in the Washington Post that Headline News anchor Lynne Russell is leaving.
I thought, big whoop, get some other halfway-decent-looking broad in there to replace her.
The I came across this line in the article: "We, like the rest of the Russell cult (have you checked the Internet lately?), are entranced by the enduring enigma of Lynne..."
Well, I thought I'd seen everything on the Net. People searching this site for everything from Simpsons porn (whatever that is) to nude pictures of men (whatever that is). But no one ever searched for Lynne Russell.
Well, they'd better start now.
Check out a scarily lengthy FAQ on Lynne Russell.
Here's a page titled Lynne Russell:A Truly Unique Individual. What's truly unique is creating a Web page dedicated to an anchor on the USA Today of television.
Oh my god, there are 642 members in the Lynne Russell Yahoo! Club.
I have to stop. This is too much.
THE NEWSDESK
* Woman bites off Chicago man's testicles. Would Bill Clinton define this as oral sex?
* Parrot calls out police in emergency. Polly want a donut?
* School principal fired for burning hamster. Shit, the cafeteria staff does this every day.
* Woman to be stoned to death for murder. Note to self: Never visit Iran.
* Ex-Webvan CEO to collect $375,000 for life. Not bad for running a company into the ground. Who says the new economy is dead?
* Chicago-based sportswriter Rick Telender asks, Where All the White Players At? in the NBA.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Sharon Engert models fashion with very little clothes on.
* A whopping 56 galleries of real, hot chicks, with links to the sites the photos were taken from. (Can be a bitch to load if you're dialing up). I think Spooner from Lame King sent me that one. Thanks, friend, and Merry Christmas to you.
* Free Brooke Burke wallpaper for the hundreds of you who search this site for her. And for the rest of you, here more hot chick wallpaper than even you sheep can get through.
* Amanda Swisten is the eye candy who appears in the bedsheet in the left column. Ain't the Internet grand?
* I was searching the Estella Warren gallery for the cure for cancer, but all I found were a bunch of lingerie modeling pics. Damn.
* Melissa Collins is just like the girl next door, only the girl in the apartment next to mine is ugly as sin, and Melissa is hot.
* Vote for the hottest midriff at Who Is the Hottest? Unfortunately, my stomach could resolve on a 1024x800 screen.
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