Overall, it was a pretty fun time, but that place tests one's patience like no other:

THE GOOD

• Being foresighted enough to go on a work day before the pukes get out of school, it was perhaps the best day of the year to go in terms of crowd. (Still, lines for some rides approached the customary and frustrating one-hour wait time.)
• Word has it the corn dogs were "excellent."
• The safari was cool — ostriches, giraffes and baboons came right up to the window of our car.
• The park closed at 10 p.m., and lines were minimal as early as 8 p.m. The wait for Rolling Thunder was literally two minutes after being perhaps 30 minutes during midday. (See gallery of coasters.)

THE BAD

• The park was severely understaffed, with many rides closed because of lack of people to run them.

THE UGLY

• The place is infested with gangstas and gangsta bitches, walking around with a gait that betrayed a lazy lifestyle.
• Great Adventure's refusal to staff adequate security encouraged anarchy both in lines and around the parking lot.
• We waited over an hour-and-a-half to simply purchase tickets to enter the park
• I spotted around 15 groups of voyeurs pointing video cameras at unknowing girls' asses. Clearly, the 2000 Puerto Rican Day Parade was an inspiration — not an embarrassment — for these future deadbeat dads.

The Great Adventure Source, is a worthwhile unofficial site centered on the rides and not the filth one has to encounter to enjoy them.

Amusement park injuries continue to rise, but serious injuries still occur only once in every 27 million rides. That didn't do much to calm my nerves 15 stories above the ground.

If you're headed to a park soon, read the details on U.S. roller coaster fatalities (1972-1997). It makes the rides that much more exciting.

Here are some nausea-inducing photos of the top 20 roller coasters in the world.

* The Phallic Symbol collection is exactly why I love the Internet. Well, not exactly, but it has some good qualities.

* All you guys who love getting busy with a klutz, head on over to Ladies in Leg Casts. Gotta get one with a compound fracture, or that relationship just ain't going to last. I guess sex in the shower is out of the question, too.

* Jesus Christ, everyone has a home page. Even Jesus Christ.

* Pro athletes clue Playboy in on where to pick up chicks on the road. (Playboy needs advice on where to locate liberal women?)

* Clearly, Mahir has fans in Asia. Hitoshi is "looking forward in hearing from prety litel lady from other counrty."

* Scroll down a bit on pud.com to see a FuckedCompany.com fan's lyrical parody of Stan. I found it to be quite clever.

* I hope it's not too late to submit entries for theTackiest Place in America Contest. So far, I have to go with the house covered in beer cans.

* Some 17-year-old punk built a page celebrating his adoration for the Confederate flag. Check this: "Confederate by choice. Union by force." Being uneducated is also a choice. So is being an irresponsible parent.

* Graphic photo galleries on how to slaughter a sheep, mouse, pig and chicken. Gross, for sure. But someone has to prepare my dinner.

* A friend sent me a note saying that The Front Porch has been copying my ideas. He fessed up — and I'd rather have a fan who borrows a little creative inspiration than no fans at all. I think he's off to a good start. Good luck. (Psst. Post women. It works.)

* Man robs bank, leaves resume. References available upon request.

* Barber stabs client to death, walks free. Must've gotten a shitty tip, though.

* Sign language ban imposed on N.J. girl. Why educators aren't always the smartest people.

* Photos from the Ms. Virginia Beach 2001 contest.

* Thanks to Jamie for submitting Michele's Wonderland. Gotta love sorority sisters who post party photos when they should be doing homework. Good site, though. It's not trashy (sorry, next time.)

* Pass the time at work by thumbing through Darion Michaels' photo album.

* I assume that Starr, a 23-year-old from St. Louis, has posted her photos for modeling agents to view. But I bet she won't mind if you take a peek at her portfolio.

* Extreme Bikini Team Girls. I always catch them when they're playing at home.

* Christy Carrera has a few photos of some nice scenery — herself.